


A Balance of Chaos

by JaneofJakku



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Hux Has No Chill, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Romance, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates, Vaginal Sex, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-19 07:21:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14232177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaneofJakku/pseuds/JaneofJakku
Summary: “Your compassion for me almost got you killed,” Ben responded in horror, thinking bitterly back to the Battle of Crait.  “I ordered all firepower on the Millenium Falcon.  I wanted to see that ship destroyed.  I wanted you…” he breaks off, clenching his fists and choking back the bile creeping up his throat at the image of her narrowly avoiding the barrage of laser fire.  Rey glares at the kneeling man before her.“Dead,” she spits back at him, rage rearing its ugly head.  “You wanted me dead!”  Ben jerks his face up to meet hers, swallowing hard.“Yes,” he hisses, his bottom lip quivering and eyes blinking back tears.Oh, these two...a slow burn story of them going from enemies, to friends, to lovers.  Lots of plot, gratuitous smut.





	1. Chapter 1

Rey stares at the remnants of the lightsaber on her shelf. She hasn’t had a chance to work on it yet, try to mend what she broke with Kylo. The Resistance has kept her far too busy with recruiting missions to afford much personal time to work on honing her abilities as a Force sensitive. They seem more interested in presenting her as the face of Rebel strength and instill confidence in the enlistment effort. Poe was thrilled to learn of Rey’s abilities as a pilot and promptly assigned her to also help in training the new arrivals on what few X-wings they have left. She has to admit that flying feels good; it’s the closest she gets these days to truly feeling the Force flow through her unabated. Still, it bothers her that she doesn’t have much knowledge of this power that suddenly lies within her. She tries to push the bitter feelings aside, but how is she supposed to adequately defend the Rebels if she doesn’t understand how to control her lifeline to the Force?

Perhaps if she had more time to speak with General Leia, Rey could figure some things out. Maybe she could better control when she could hear others’ thoughts, more adequately defend herself from the darkness she feels rise within her when she thinks about this whole war. She knows Leia has some experience with raising a Jedi and could probably help guide at least one more, one that won’t turn on her in the end.

_But what if I don’t actually want to be a Jedi? _She wonders hesitantly before quickly squashing the idea. Of course she wants to be a Jedi, because she wants to protect peace in the galaxy, help those that are in a situation like she was just a few months ago. That’s what the Jedi are for…right? Rey shakes her head in confusion and frustration.__

Unfortunately, it seems that the General is gone almost all of the time. Leia scurries around the galaxy, contacting old allies and pleading her case for their renewal of support. Rey understands that the going is slow, but she still has to force away the resentment she feels working its way into her heart. With Luke gone and Kylo stubbornly blocked from her mind, Rey has no other Force sensitive to turn to for help. She feels lost and afraid, but she mostly feels terribly alone. 

Crossing her room, Rey picks up the broken kyber crystal from the shelf. Her duel with Kylo for possession of the weapon had cracked it clean in half, and despite the fact that Rey is confident she can repair the hilt, she is struggling with an idea on how to mend the core of the weapon. The fact infuriated her; she was a scavenger, after all…a fixer of broken things. It wasn’t just a matter of pride; it was a matter of survival. 

Even though the lightsaber had called to her, she can’t help but feel that its broken heart doesn’t quite match her own anymore. The pieces feel cold in her hand. Had it changed somehow, internally? Had she changed? She rotates the two halves in her palm, outlining the clean split with her eyes. One part of her enjoys the challenge of trying to outsmart the crystal and mend it to her will. The other part of her wishes that it had just shattered and given her an excuse to go explore the galaxy in search of where to find a new one. Instead, Poe has insisted that she remain on the base and work on repairing Luke’s lightsaber with the damaged crystal. He says it’s because he can’t risk losing her, but Rey could read his thoughts; he couldn’t chance losing the Resistance’s biggest weapon. 

Heavily exhaling in exasperation, Rey puts the pieces back on the shelf and then runs her hand along the sacred Jedi texts. They’re in a language she’s never seen and so she can’t read them. More knowledge denied to her. She clenches her jaw and fists in frustration. There are so many questions that no one here can answer, or even help to guide her, and it makes her both depressed and infuriated. Rey acknowledges that she is embraced by people who care about her, and she appreciates that. But they don’t understand her. She feels a new sort of loneliness settle into her soul, and she shudders. 

_Ben would understand, _she thinks morosely. She immediately shakes her head with agitation at the thought and drops her hand back to her side. He’s not Ben anymore, she reminds herself. He’s no longer the man she strove to stand beside, fighting with him and for him in the light. He made his choice to remain in the dark.__

____

Her hand twitches at the thought of the last time she saw him, when they battled together in perfect harmony against their common enemy, and she glances longingly at her quarterstaff. It would feel good to fight someone right now, to work off this restlessness. If only she had a capable sparring partner. Having the advantage of the Force makes the fights seem unfair, and at times Rey knows that her control over its power slips, creating her into a vessel of incomparable strength and ability. 

____

A terrible memory floods her senses, one in which Finn had eagerly offered to train with her. Their mock duel had been going well, Rey holding back her blows and choosing only to parry Finn’s. But her friend had goaded her, encouraging her to strike and not just block. She couldn’t help but comply, reaching out for the Force swirling around her and allowing it to course through her body and mind, guiding her actions until she felt herself become an instrument of its energy. Rey still blanches when she recalls Finn’s sharp cry of pain as her training sword had connected with his elbow, dislocating it. 

____

The most horrible part was that Rey had known it would happen a split second before. She could’ve stopped her own attack on him. But she hadn’t. She had trusted the will of the Force and completed the blow, hearing and feeling the unnatural clicking of Finn’s bones. And for a sick, twisted beat of her heart, she had felt triumph at the flash of fear and agony in her friend’s eyes, before the horror and nausea set in. The bile creeps slowly up her throat now as panic prickles into her cheeks, darkness and light battling for command over the edges of her vision. She’s losing control over herself again and she sucks in raspy breaths, her hands braced hard against the wall and fingernails clawing scratches into the metal. Mercifully, a knock at the door draws her sharply from her thoughts and beats back the shadows. 

____

“Who is it?” she calls out, her voice strained by the effort to sound like her expected chipper self. <

____

“It’s Poe. We got some fresh recruits for you to scare in an X-wing. Suit up!” he yells back enthusiastically before she hears his footsteps retreat down the hall and she releases the breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. 

____

Good, she thinks glumly. I could use some excitement today. Rey walks to her closet and tugs on the orange jumpsuit. It doesn’t fit her exactly, and it seems to clash against her body. She blinks at herself in the mirror as she throws her hair into a low bun. No, she decides…it doesn’t suit her. Sitting down on her bed, she forces her feet into boots that are a half size too big before striding out of her quarters, breathing deeply in preparation for another day. 

____

*************

____

Kylo sits at the head of the shiny black table, his advisors and officers sitting before him. They’re discussing intelligence on the whereabouts of the fragmented Resistance and fretting over the recent increased need to recondition some of the Stormtroopers. The Rebels have been slowly regaining their numbers over the past few months and rumors have spread that they’ve hunkered down on the inhospitable planet of Hoth. Hux is far more interested in locating and eliminating the last of the Resistance, while Kylo has been intrigued by the growing discontent amongst the Stormtroopers. Has FN-2187’s defection circulated that quickly through the base, despite the efforts to tamp down the information? The Supreme Leader senses their conflict as he walks between the Trooper’s ranks. Or maybe it’s his own?

____

____

 

____

He can’t think clearly much anymore and he doesn’t really sleep. His dreams are haunted by his last image of her; looking down on him from the Falcon, her eyes are mercifully absent of hatred, but also devoid of compassion. In those nightmares, Rey is a young child, but her eyes remain empty when she looks at him. Ben always gets sucked into that vacant stare and he sees her past laid bare before him, feels her abandonment and longing as if it were his own. Sinking into the burning sand, she reaches for him desperately, yet her eyes always remain blank. He can’t touch her in the dreams, can’t save her. The fact breaks him, beats him into those endless dunes and drowns him in grit and tears until he sees her eyes finally flicker into awareness and terror just before she gets swallowed whole by the dark pit of sand. She screams his name and with a final lunge for her, he wakes up, choking and soaked in sweat, both hands frantically clutching the empty air above him. 

____

 

____

Unfortunately, he had slept last night and so he found himself in the oppressive desert of his recurring dream. Sitting at the First Order’s table, trying to feign his attention and interest, he wonders again for the thousandth time why she couldn’t have just chosen to continue loathing him, to keep thinking of him as a monster. Her hatred for him would be better, easier to accept, he thinks bitterly. The dream is too painful for him to bear, and so he tries to shun sleep until he feels that he’s going insane. Eventually though, he has to cave in to his bodily needs and he will fall into a fitful slumber filled with absence of emotion until all at once, it ends with every emotion he’s ever experienced. 

____

 

____

Ben knows that something is deeply wrong though once he begins to hear the voice. It first starts as a subtle whisper, tickling his mind with a single word: Go. 

____

 

____

The order follows him around, drilling into him with each fall of his foot, each beat of his heart, growing louder with each passing day. Ben knows intuitively where the disembodied voice wants him to go. It wants him to visit the place in his dreams, the wasteland of Jakku. Sitting now in his meeting, the incessant whisper has become an almost deafening roar from within, and Ben’s wild eyes dart around the table of officers before him, certain that they can hear it as well. _**GO! ******_

__******** _ _

 

__******** _ _

He involuntarily shoves his chair back from the desk, obeying the command. 

“Supreme Leader,” Hux’s voice cuts sharply into Ben’s thoughts and silences the voice, drawing him back abruptly to the table of officers before him, all looking up at Kylo Ren, confusion clouding their minds as they wait for him to speak. “What are your orders? Concerning the intel on the Resistance’s location?”

Jaw clenched, Ben is vaguely aware that the time has come to attack, but the voice is far more urgent to him. Maybe his obedience to it will cure him of the nightmares. He just needs one more day. 

 

“Send in a probe droid. Don’t engage our troops yet until we have visual confirmation of the Rebels,” he finally responds.

Hux reddens as his posture goes rigid. “But sir, this is the clearest intel we’ve received since they escaped from Crait. We can’t chance them getting away again. If we send in a droid and it’s spotted, they’ll evacuate immediately and their numbers will only continue to grow!” Kylo clenches his fists so hard that the entire room can hear the leather of his gloves creak, and they lean back instinctively. How dare this puny general question Kylo in front of his officers. 

“Send in the droid, don’t raise suspicions, and report back to me tomorrow morning. That’s an order,” Kylo repeats through gritted teeth. “I will be taking my personal shuttle today to gather some intel of my own on a nearby planet.” Kylo turns to exit the conference room and the rest of the personnel rise to acknowledge his departure.

“Supreme Leader, do you think that’s wise –“ Hux says snidely to his retreating back before Kylo whirls around and harnesses the Force to choke the voice out of this annoying nit. Kylo has had enough of the game; he knows that Hux is scheming against him, plotting to overthrow his superior, and has been for the past few months. A show of force is the only way to keep this unhinged man in line for now. 

“Do you think it wise to question your Supreme Leader?” Kylo roars back at him, eyes boring into Hux’s bulging ones for several seconds before hurling him across the room, the sickening crunch of his nose breaking against a durasteel wall. A dull sense of satisfaction courses through Kylo as he spins to march towards the door. The other officers warily watch their leader storm out of the room before assisting Hux back to his feet.

 

Kylo angrily makes his way to his quarters. He strips off his traditional black cape and top and replaces them with a gray tunic. He wraps a darker gray sash around his waist before attaching a black leather belt to clip on his lightsaber. Finally, he removes his gloves and stares for a moment at his bare hands, trying to push the thought of hers out of his head. 

 

Knowing that he technically has more pressing responsibilities to the organization he’s the head of, Kylo still doesn’t hesitate to board his ship. He needs to dig up her past. He has to understand her. He can’t live with that voice in his head any longer. 

 

General Hux watches Kylo Ren guide his shuttle out of the hangar, hands clasped calmly behind him and a tissue stuck up his nose to catch the blood still dripping from the fracture. He has always mistrusted and despised Force users, and he feels that only he sees them for what they truly are: a threat to order in a chaotic galaxy. The powers of the previous Supreme Leader were beyond that which Hux could hope to manipulate and deceive, but the volatile emotions of Kylo Ren on the other hand…General Hux feels confident that he can use that to his advantage. 

 

“Gentlemen,” he states to the officers at his back, “I think the time has come to discuss the Supreme Leader’s ability to lead our noble First Order and not allow his personal interests to interfere with our honorable mission any longer.” Cautious, faint murmurs of assent rise up behind him and he smiles treacherously as Kylo’s ship jumps to lightspeed.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is where I take a real chance and add a story changing twist right at the beginning instead of the end. I think you'll either hate it or love it...I'm hoping for the latter, obviously. I've double checked Wookiepedia and Rebels and it *is* canon compliant!

Ben touches his ship down in the Goazon Badlands, close to Rey’s old AT-AT home. Traipsing through the shifting sands and under the punishing sun, he makes his way to the fallen machinery. He stops outside of its belly before entering, and turns around to take in the endless miles of dunes surrounding him, stretching to the horizon in every direction. This is true isolation, and he feels something shift deep inside of him as he shivers even in the brutal heat. 

It’s barely any cooler inside and he finds himself wishing for either lighter colored or less clothing. The heat is dangerously oppressive on this planet, and he can’t escape the sand. The grit is everywhere, slowly consuming the steel surrounding him. _Of all the planets on which to have abandoned her, they chose this dump…_ he thinks bitterly. Pushing further into the shelter, Kylo finds small glass vessels scattered around, filled with withered flowers and tiny sprigs of what had once been greenery. He can’t help but pause to wonder at her collection. Even when surrounded by such stark brutality, she had evidently managed to find and nurture beauty. He smiles at her persistence and optimism as he runs a thumb over one of the dusty vases. 

Eventually turning away from her field of dried hope, Ben squints his eyes to search the darker corners of the space and is surprised to see a TIE fighter helmet by a computer display. He crosses the room and brings the screen to life, startled to find schematics of Imperial starships and a multitude of flight simulators. He had gathered from his brief probing that she was capable of flying, but he hadn’t realized the depth of her knowledge and abilities, or where her education had come from. 

Pulling his attention away from the screen finally, Ben sees a sort of sling strung between two rusting beams close by. Her bed, he supposes. There is no pillow and only a threadbare cloth spread across it. On the cloth rests a homemade Resistance pilot doll. Ben stares hard at it as the whispers from within become a cacophonous roar, swirling in his head until he has to reach out to steady himself on one of the supportive beams. He had had one similar when he was a young boy. Walking over to her bed with hesitation, almost as if he expects to get caught sneaking around her abandoned room, Ben reaches out a tentative hand to retrieve the doll.

A pitiful sob reaches his ears as soon as he touches the orange clad doll. Spinning around, he searches the room as the whimpers grow more desperate, pleading.

“Help me,” a tiny voice wavers behind him, “somebody.” Ben’s veins fill with ice at the sound of it, so frail and broken. He turns back to the bed slowly and his heart lurches at the sight. 

The color draining from his face, Ben notices the blood now puddled on the ground beneath her, a rusted piece of metal sticking out of her abdomen. She’s clutching the doll tightly to her chest. He finds himself frozen to the spot, sick to his stomach, as he watches her life slipping away before his eyes. How many times has he watched her die in his dreams? He shudders as her convulsions become more violent and her eyes bulge in horror. Ben frantically looks out of the belly of the AT-AT. Nobody is coming.

_“Please…”_ the young girl begs to the ceiling above her. 

Swallowing hard and incapable of standing by a second longer, Ben rushes to the side of her hammock. Scooping her tiny frame to his chest, he sinks to his knees, cradling her head in the crook of his elbow and wrapping the other hand gently around the metal rod projecting out of her. He knows what he has to do, but he’s not sure that he can do it. Healing is primarily a Lightsider power. Still, he feels compelled to try. He can’t lose her. Ben closes his eyes, slows his breath, and focuses on what little light he has left within him.

It’s not enough. He can feel that she’s slipping further away from the edge of reality and his panic begins to rise. He can hear her screaming his name from somewhere faraway, in his dreams, his nightmares. Think, he commands of himself. He needs to find more light, more strength. Ben opens his eyes and looks at the tiny girl nestled in his arms, her body weak and eyes sunken, and he nods slowly at his own clarity. Closing his eyes again and resting his cheek against her forehead, he delves into what’s left of her consciousness.

Her brightness surrounds him almost immediately and he doesn’t hesitate to snatch it into him. She gasps in his arms at the sensation, drawing raspy breaths into her lungs and whimpering lightly. Ben maintains his focus on little Rey’s wound, drawing from her well of strength and feeling some of his darkness drain away from him, being replaced by drops of her light. The Force swirls and hums around them, bonding them through time and space, twisting their fates together, binding their two souls to each other. 

Slowly and as gently as he can, he pulls the piece of metal from her and covers the hole with his hand. The little girl quakes and he can hear her grinding her teeth as he forces the last of their unified light into her wound, sealing it. Both of their eyes fly open and they gasp in unison before taking a few minutes to match their breaths. Gently, Ben places the little girl back on the hammock and brushes a lock of hair out of her face, his hand coming to rest on the top of her head. The palm of his other hand covers her tiny fingers, so frail yet regaining their warmth. His eyes wander her face sadly; how could her parents have just thrown her away like she was garbage?

“Thank you,” the little girl whispers. Ben startles and yanks his hands away from her, staring into her eyes that are as fiery and determined as he knows in her grown self. She’s looking directly back into his, a tear trickling down her cheek. How can she see him? What has he done? The reality and gravity of the situation crashes down around him. It shouldn’t have been possible. Ben pushes himself up onto shaky legs and crosses quickly to the entrance, frantic to get away from whatever has just happened.

“Wait,” she calls out to him, fear and sadness coloring her voice. Ben stops and gulps. He shouldn’t linger here, he knows. “I’m Rey,” she whispers to his back. His body tenses and he turns his head just slightly to the side.

“I know you are,” he says quietly.

Beginning to stride briskly back towards the blistering heat, Ben stops in his tracks at a curious sight before him. On the inside hull of the giant walker, tiny scratches line the steel walls. There are so many of them, and Ben feels the air get crushed out of his lungs when he realizes what they are, tears of sorrow and rage welling in his eyes. Behind him, he can feel young Rey’s anger roiling inside of her, resentful and frustrated at being left yet again. He can’t leave her like this, in this cloud of darkness and crushed dreams.

“I’ll come back for you, sweetheart,” Ben calls out confidently, and he feels her flicker of hope dance across his heart as he walks out. It’s not until he’s back on his shuttle that he realizes he’s clutching the doll.

 

************

“Permission to take a side excursion, Black Leader,” Rey calls into the comms at the completion of the day’s training. It’s the middle of the afternoon and it’s been a rather successful day; the recruits show some promise and she feels more calm and centered at the end of the practice runs. She deserves this break, she knows, and Poe surprisingly agrees.

“Affirmative. Just let me know where you’re going, Blue Leader, and be back by curfew,” his voice crackles over the connection.

“Jakku. I just need to pick up something at my old home. I’ll be back by dinner. You know there’s no food in that sand pit,” she answers. Rey hears Poe chuckle. He’s seen her appetite in the dining hall and knows the girl doesn’t miss any opportunity to eat.

“Alright, Rey, just keep your head down. And I won’t tell Finn where you’re off to…it would give him a heart attack.” Rey smiles at that. She knows Finn holds a special fondness for her and a unique hatred in his heart for the planet.

“Copy that. Thanks, Poe,” she says as she peels off from the group and puts in the coordinates for Jakku.

Not long after, she touches down close to her old AT-AT. She sits in the cockpit for awhile, staring at the looming hunk of rusty machinery. Not even a year ago, she would retreat to her shelter at the end of each day, exhausted and hungry, filled equally with hope and disappointment. Rey sighs and pops the canopy of the X-wing, hopping down into the sinking sands. She’s so lost in thought of her past life and how different her new one is, that she doesn’t notice the tracks leading the way to her old home. 

She senses him as soon as she crosses the threshold, however, and reaches for her lightsaber instinctively, then her quarterstaff, only to realize that she has neither. She has no weapon, in fact. She curses under her breath as she strains to search the room with her eyes from the doorway. It’s empty. Still, she proceeds cautiously and notices that her computer system has been tampered with recently. She frowns in confusion as she looks over to her hammock. The doll that she had been returning for was gone.

_So Kylo came here to steal my doll and play my flight simulators?_ She wonders bewilderingly. Rey doesn’t know at first if she should laugh or be angry at his intrusion into her old life. Still, that doll was the only thing left in the galaxy who knew her as she was before not only being thrown into this war, but being considered an integral part of intergalactic peace. That doll had gotten her through some of the worst moments of her life, in fact, and Rey unconsciously runs a hand over her abdomen, still able to feel the puckering scar tissue from the day she was sure she was going to die. The dreams had started that day, the whispered promise that both haunted her and kept her alive. 

Shuddering at the memory, Rey turns to stomp out of the shelter and searches the sands that stretch endlessly before her. To her left, a bit off in the distance, she spots what appears to be unnatural ripples in the dunes. Curious and still trying to understand what’s going on, of why she can sense his presence in her home, she begins the trek over to it. The shuttle indentations she finds in the sand once she’s there are enough to confirm her suspicions. She grits her teeth and balls up her fists. She knows now that Kylo has indeed visited her old home, and she’s mad. Furious, even. _How dare he touch my stuff, she rages in her mind as she storms back to her craft. What right does he have for meddling in my past?_

*************

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there you have it...my head canon for explaining a lot of the mysteries of the sequel trilogy!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first Reylo interaction of the story! Just how will it go down? Dun dun dun!

Ben returns to his quarters as night falls and he walks quickly over to the window, watching the stars emerge from hiding and ruminating on his experience in the Jakku desert. Absently looking down, he’s jolted to see her blood staining his tunic and hands, and he strips off his clothes while rushing to the fresher to scrub it frantically away, trying to rid himself of the memory of what he had just done. Funny, he thinks as the water turns a brownish red, that the blood he has caused to spill with this hand never affected him as much as the blood of the first person he’s saved. 

With his fingers now clean, he splashes the icy water onto his face and looks into the mirror. His eyes are strained and his cheeks are even paler than usual. He traces the scar she gave him and he trembles at the darkness, _his_ darkness, that he had felt emanating off of her when she had marked him with his legacy saber. Gripping the sides of the sink until his knuckles turn white, he hangs his head and contemplates the mysteries of the Force. It becomes clear to him now that the whispers were its will, urging and enabling him to reach through time and alter the course of his life and hers, intertwining their destinies. 

_But why?_ He wonders. He has only a faint idea, too grand and hopeful to seriously entertain.

Ben becomes overwhelmed by the need to speak with Rey, or maybe it’s just to see her again; to reassure himself that the little girl he just saved, and changed forever, has indeed survived up to this point. Still, he is hesitant to reach out. It’s only been a few months since their fight with the Praetorian Guards, since they both watched their interpretations of the vision from Ahch-To burn to ashes around them. He’s not even sure how to reach her anymore, much less if she would accept seeing him. Ben has knocked lightly against the door of their connection a number times over the past few months, but it’s always stayed firmly locked. 

Maybe he can draw her into him, rather than approaching her. But how? She is his weakness, he realizes reluctantly. She is the light that tries to sneak its way in through the cracks of his prison of darkness that he’s created for himself. Perhaps if he invites the glow in, grabs her pale thread and pulls it to him…

Ben sits on the floor and steadies his breath to still his mind, resolving to let her light haunt his shadows rather than suppressing it like he usually does while in meditation. He is uncomfortable at first, allowing the warmth to work its way into his soul. Her ember glows and soon bursts into flame though, becoming so bright in his mind’s eye that his own eyelids fly open to keep from being blinded and burnt. 

Rey stands before him, with a slight look of confusion and trepidation as she gazes down at him. Is it pain that he reads on her face? They say nothing for awhile, and simply breathe between each other as their worlds fall away around them. Rey’s mouth goes dry in horror when she feels her heart tug toward him, realizing for the first time that she’s missed him terribly these past few months. She brutally beats the sentiment down. Ben opens his mouth half in shock and partly to speak, but then closes it and hangs his head. 

“What are you doing here, Kylo?” Rey finally throws at him, recovering from her temporary weakness at the sight of him. Ben unwittingly flinches at her use of the name and anger flashes through him. Is it hers or his? The ire is quickly replaced by a profound sadness. Something about the way she used to call him _Ben_ had made him tremble from its warmth, made him believe there was something worth saving. Now, she’s throwing ice onto him by spitting out the name, _Kylo_ , and he’s shivering for an entirely different reason. He hesitates for a second longer to regain his composure, frantically trying to think of something to say. He swallows and looks back up at her. 

“I just…” he stammers. Unable to come up with an adequate excuse, he ends up mumbling the truth, “I wanted to see you.”

Rey takes a half step back and her lips part slightly at his admission. She senses guilt and confusion radiating off of him. Something is deeply troubling him. Something about Jakku, she gleans from his mind. After a moment of contemplating the man sitting before her who is gazing up at her sadly, she ventures forth with her words a bit softer, yet still menacing.

“What did you do?”

Ben drops his head back down.

“I’m not entirely sure yet,” he admits, his voice barely above a wavering whisper. Rey can feel his turmoil as if it was her own and she subconsciously clutches at her chest, willing herself to breathe steadily, yet failing miserably. It must have been awful, whatever he’s done, and yet she can’t help but feel a pang of sympathy for him. How often she’s had to suffer alone, after all.

“Why didn’t you just kill me,” Ben finally chokes out, still not meeting her gaze. “Aboard the Supremacy, when I was unconscious?”

Rey bites her lip to stop it from quivering. Curse this bond and the conflicted feelings she has for Ben that she’s constantly forced to suppress as a result. She had never even considered murdering him, not since they had touched hands on Ahch-To. It made her stomach churn to hear him suggest it. Is that what he thought she had wanted to do when they battled for Luke’s lightsaber? 

“Because I couldn’t,” she chooses to say simply, evasively. “It wasn’t my choice to make.”

“Of course you could have,” Ben replies miserably. “You could’ve driven the lightsaber through my limp body and ended all of this pain for the both of us.” Ah, so he feels the torment as well.

“The lightsaber broke in half,” she interrupts quietly.

Ben finally looks back up at her and blinks. That piece of information got his attention off of the experience on that barren desert world. His brow furrows as he runs his hand through his hair, trying to make sense of what she had just confessed. He searches his memories trying to recall anything from his life of training and studies that would suggest such a thing as even being possible. The Force was clearly at work with the two of them, he could no longer deny that.

“When I came to,” Rey continues, bringing him back to focus on the conversation at hand, “I saw that you were still unconscious, and then I saw the two halves of the lightsaber and its broken crystal. I knew that the Force had to be telling me something. I collected the pieces and,” she hesitates before telling him more. Should she tell him the truth? If she were to lie though, he would sense it, she knows. Sighing, she swallows her pride and continues, “I went over to check on you. I was so scared that you were…” she trails off, before shaking her head in the heavy silence. “I looked at your family’s broken lightsaber in my hand, I thought about my vision of the future, and I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt you.” 

“What exactly did the Force show you in the vision?” Ben asks firmly. In response, Rey shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot, her eyes searching the ground and lips staying pursed. Growing annoyed with her avoidance, Ben demands again, “Tell me.”

“I saw us,” she tries to say flippantly, still not meeting his gaze. Ben huffs in frustration. Must he really pry the details out of her?

“In the light?” Ben prods. Rey’s boot scuffs at something on the floor.

“I’m not exactly sure anymore. There’s a chance I may have just assumed that…” she mumbles softly. His brow furrows in confusion. Seeing that she had no intention of further elaborating without encouragement, Ben tries again.

“Tell me, Rey,” he attempts to rumble somewhat gently. Rey winces at his failure.

“We were just…together,” she replies, a blush spreading across her cheeks. “We were happy.” Rey can’t stop herself from both choking on and smiling at that last word. Had she ever felt that profound level of happiness in her real life as she had in her vision?

Ben’s heart leaps and his eyes brighten. They were “just together” in her vision? Something so simple and innocent, and yet nothing had sounded more wonderful in his life. To create a life separate from war and politics and power plays, where he was free to just be, free to love. He realizes then with a pleasurable shock that she couldn’t kill him not because it wasn’t her choice to make, but because she _wanted_ the vision to happen. 

As soon as his eyes meet hers at this revelation, another shock hits his system, this one sickening and twisting his gut into knots at the memory of his actions following her decision to spare him. Ben blinks at her.

“Your compassion for me almost got you killed,” Ben responded in horror, thinking bitterly back to the Battle of Crait. “I ordered all firepower on the Millenium Falcon. I wanted to see that ship destroyed. I wanted you…” he breaks off, clenching his fists and choking back the bile creeping up his throat at the image of her narrowly avoiding the barrage of laser fire. Rey glares at him.

“Dead,” Rey spat at him, rage rearing its ugly head. “You wanted me dead!” Ben jerks his face up to meet hers, swallowing hard.

“Yes,” he hisses, his bottom lip quivering and eyes blinking back tears. The memory had made him terribly ill. _Because I had asked for you, and you rejected me, he thinks, hoping it was just to himself._ Rey feels the breath snatched from her and she stumbles backwards at his confession. “And I’ve never regretted my actions more,” he continues somberly, his eyes pleading with hers to believe his raw honesty.

Rey’s lips pull back into a sneer in response. “It’s too late for regret, Kylo. You’ve already killed me more than once.” Ben recoils at her words and his head starts to spin as he feels her rage and heartbreak crest over them, drowning the light between them. He pushes himself up off of the floor and takes a step forward, reaching out for her.

“Rey–" he starts, hoping to calm her, to keep her flicker of light alive.

“NO!” she screams at him, holding her hand up to warn him off, her whole body shaking. “No, you don’t get to speak! You don’t get to try to defend yourself! Your actions have spoken loudly enough.” Rey’s lip trembles and she begins to sob in earnest now, struggling to get the rest of the words out. She marvels at how quickly she’s feeling all of these emotions fully for the first time in months. Why does he have this effect on her? She loathes him, yet she needs him, and she hates herself for it. 

“Everyday, I cry for the ones you’ve taken from me. Everyday, I panic at what the future holds for me, for us. Everyday, I wish that none of this had ever happened to me, that I had never met you.”

Ben’s hand drops back to his side and his whole body sways from the venom of her words. He thought the act of killing his father had cracked him to his core but now, seeing Rey in as much pain as him, it was all he could do to breathe. He realized then that this bond he had established between them was enabling so much more than words to pass between them, and he hated that she had to share in his pain, his broken soul. _He_ deserved this torture, not her. 

“I’m so sorry, Rey” he whispers to her, his dark, watery eyes searching her fiery ones. Rey’s brow knits in confusion at his apology, feeling the true remorse and anguish etched in his heart as if it were her own. Lowering his head, he easily snuffs out the now feeble light in his mind, but not before he hears her voice fade across the stars.

“Ben?” it asks breathlessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't want to write it like this, but I felt like it was the most likely scenario to happen. So I went with it. They'll have happier reunions later on, don't worry!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this had to be a necessary "filler" chapter, but I promise it helps to set up Reylo! Angst starts in the next chapter, followed by fluff and more angst throughout Part I. Not sure if I'll make this fic into full blown smut eventually, but I already wrote one of those for these two lovers ;-) See my other work for that fic (and I may be adding a chapter to that one as well).

Ben sits in his quarters, losing himself in his thoughts. His first reconnection with Rey hadn’t gone exactly as he had wanted, but what was it that he had expected? That she would have just forgiven him for the clumsy, hurtful words he had thrown at her aboard the Supremacy, that she would choose to forget everything he’s ever done to tear her apart? Ben acknowledges that she had needed the catharsis of screaming at him, placing all the blame on him for her pain. It was all his fault after all, wasn’t it? 

Ben squeezes his eyes shut before reopening them to stare at the doll in his hand, running his thumb over its stomach. His compassion for her had altered their lives forever. But he couldn’t have just stood by and watched her die. Not after knowing how much he needed her by his side, how empty and unbalanced he felt in her absence. If he had let her die as a child, all of his light would have gone out with her, and his soul wouldn’t have stood a chance. The galaxy wouldn’t have stood a chance.

“Still plan on destroying her?” says a startlingly familiar voice. Ben flinches and almost drops the doll, knowing that he shouldn’t feel that surprised, and yet he does. Luke turns slowly, taking in his nephew’s sparse room. It’s hard and angular in its minimal furnishings, and everything is black or chrome, naturally. Even the air is cold and harsh, and the only warmth in the space comes from the blaze of an orange doll in Ben’s hand. “Yes, this seems like the place,” Luke mutters.

“Miss me already?” Ben says to his uncle darkly. Luke simply snorts in response. Continuing his perusal of the room, his eyes fall upon a sleek, reflective desk, upon which clashes a beautiful set of calligraphy, complete with several sheets of parchment paper, a well of black ink, and an ornate, blood red quill. Looking closer, Luke smiles as he makes out the single sentence scrawled in beautiful penmanship across each page: _It’s not too late._

Ben still had refused to turn to acknowledge his uncle’s presence, but soon becomes suspicious at his prolonged silence and cautiously throws him a sidelong glance. His uncle’s back is to him, but through the soft blue glow of his new form, Ben can see that Luke is rifling through something on his desk. Straining his eyes, Ben realizes in horror what it is that his uncle has discovered, and he lunges across the room to reach straight through the apparition, frantically gathering the pages to his chest.

“Get out,” Ben hisses, and Luke can’t stop himself from rolling his eyes. 

“No,” the uncle responds, boredom seeping into his voice.

he thinks bemusedly, and he turns to finally face Ben. The sight is still something to behold. The scared, young boy he once knew has grown into an imposing man, strength etched into his dark features, yet softness caressing the edges. Beneath the wild eyes are sunken shadows, indicating that sleep is still something he struggles with. The fact that his nephew is sporting a face-splitting scar and clutching a doll along with endless written iterations of the words of a woman who marked him for life is truly amusing to Luke, and he struggles to contain a chuckle. 

“She needs a teacher, Ben,” Luke eventually says, gesturing to the possessions gripped tightly in his former apprentice’s hands. The young man glares at his uncle for having used his birth name, but then Ben’s eyes briefly flit down to his reminders of Rey and a blush invades his face before he can act on his rage. Thinking back to their recent conversation, he feels a fresh stab of guilt and pain before sighing in resignation, shoulders drooping and hands loosening his hold on her doll and his now crumpled papers.

“I’m fairly confident that she’ll never speak with me again,” Ben replies distantly, painfully, and Luke raises an eyebrow at him, mildly surprised that he got a relatively long and honest response.

“Oh? And what makes you so sure?” he queries back. Ben huffs and turns to stalk back to his bed, flopping down and staring darkly at the stars out his window.

“It’s none of your business,” Ben grumbles.

“Except that it is,” Luke shoots back. “Her power is growing, and she feels isolated, rejected, misunderstood. She’s beginning to lash out, to hurt people…” he trails off. Ben’s entire body tenses and feels panic clutch at his throat. He knows exactly where Rey is on her journey right now, and he understands how dangerous it is. Ben can feel her turmoil and fear as if it were his own, and it was tearing him apart. “If she keeps going this way, it’s not just herself that is in danger,” Luke continues. “It’s also you, the Resistance and the First Order, the entire galaxy--”

“Why aren’t _you_ helping her then?” Ben hurls at Luke, interrupting him with a sharp glare, his words oozing with ire and panic. _Can’t he see that she needs somebody to show her the way?_ Ben frets.

“Because she has an affinity for the darkness that I don’t understand, but you do,” Luke admits. Ben feels his shoulders drop and shame settle over him. He looks away as Luke continues. “During my self-imposed exile on Ahch-To, I realized that the Jedi needed to end. That we had been wrong about so many things. I can’t teach her because I no longer believe in the way that I was taught.”

Ben visibly falters, his breath catching. Not only had Luke just revealed his hiding spot for all those years, he had also admitted that the Jedi Order was wrong. Ben could only stare at Luke, dumbfounded and speechless.

“Now, I’m not saying that the Sith are right either. I’m saying that both sides are wrong,” Luke continues. “During my many years of contemplation, I realized that there’s more to the universe than what is good and what is evil. That the Force exists between the two sides, and that _that_ is the rightful place for those who are attuned to it.”

Ben wavers and gapes at Luke from his bed. For what seems like the first time in his life, he agrees with his uncle. He has spent countless hours himself in meditation, coming to the same conclusion. However, he has no idea how to separate himself from the First Order now, even with Snoke gone. He runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

“It’s too late, Luke,” Ben finally says flatly. “I’m too far gone to the Dark side to not further endanger her light.” _I’ve already stolen too much of it,_ he thinks bitterly.

“It’s _not_ too late,” Luke spits at him, gesturing to the parchment still in his nephew’s hands. The Jedi Master sighs and softens his words. “She has no one to guide her, no one who understands who she really is. She only has you.”

_You’re not alone._

_Neither are you._

“I’ve already offered to teach her. I’ve asked her to join me,” Ben sighs, thinking back to Starkiller and the demise of Snoke. “Neither time went well.”

“I’m guessing it was Kylo Ren who made those proposals, and not Ben Solo,” Luke sarcastically replies. Ben’s mouth twists into a grimace at the memory of his blade mere inches from her face as she fought valiantly to save her only friend in the snowy forest. He can still hear his words to Rey in the throne room echo in the chamber of his mind, _You’re nothing,_ and he groans inwardly at his callousness. 

“You need to try again,” Luke insists, pulling Ben out of his painful reveries. 

“Clearly, you weren’t present during our last conversation,” Ben instead replies bitterly. He feels another stab of remorse at the memory of her words. “She made it quite clear that she hates everything about me.”

“She does have a way with words, doesn’t she? And she is quite stubborn,” Luke admits simply, quirking an eyebrow at Ben. “But have you had the honor to fight her with that staff yet?” Ben snorts at that; he has been impressed enough with Rey’s saber skills. Surely she can’t be that much better with a lowly staff. Ben is so lost in thought that at first he doesn’t notice that his uncle has crossed the room to stand before him.

“Try again,” Luke says firmly, resting a ghostly hand on his nephew’s shoulder with a twinkle in his eye. “You need each other.” And with a wink, Luke disappears, leaving Ben alone again.

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” he whispers to the now empty room.

 

Rey paces her room, stripping off her orange flight suit and kicking her boots off across the floor. Her emotions are a frazzled mess after the conversation with Kylo. The Force bond was different this time, she knows. The connection wasn’t random; he had established it somehow. She thought she had managed to sever the connection on Crait, when she had last seen him through the numbness of her mind’s eye. It both troubled and angered her that he had figured out how to reopen the bond, that he now had the ability to reach her whenever he so desired. She glares over at the Jedi texts, convinced that some guidance on the matter is locked away in them. A rap on the door startles her out of her cloud of darkness before she can dive further into the maelstrom of her soul.

“Who is it?” she snaps, sounding more aggressive than she had intended.

“Uh, it’s Finn,” he says cautiously. “I just wanted to check on you. It’s about a half hour past your usual chow time. Everything ok? Want me to bring you something?”

Rey draws her mouth into a firm line, trying to force a smile into her voice as she responds, “I’m alright, Finn! I just took a little detour after our training. I’m getting changed now and then I’ll join you in the dining hall. Thanks for checking on me!”

“Of course, no problem, Rey,” Finn calls back, sounding relieved, “see you in a bit.”

Rey sighs and stares at herself in the mirror, tugging her hair down from its bun and pulling on a black tunic. Her hair has grown past her shoulders now and she looks more grown up, more womanly. Reliable meals have provided her with more meat on her bones, but the bags under her eyes are growing darker. 

Before turning away from the mirror, she catches sight of the scar she sustained from the fight with the Praetorian Guards. Her eyes trace over it again; it resembles two hands reaching for each other and she can’t help but be reminded of the moment she shared with Ben in the hut on Ahch-To, when their future had seemed more clear. Why does everything have to be so murky and difficult when it comes to their bond?

Closing her eyes as she draws in a deep breath, Rey tries to suppress the conflicted feelings she has for him. She tries to push aside the fact that she hated that Ben had ended their first conversation in months with a genuine apology; she had been expecting that their connection would make it easier to detest him. With those hopes dashed, she finds herself failing to control her emotions. She angrily shoves her feet into her boots and stomps out of the room. She’ll march off the frustration on her way to the dining hall and by the time she gets there, she’ll be the Rey that the others know and love.

Sure enough, as she files into line with her tray, she feels comfortably detached again. After picking out enough food to feed a fully grown Wookiee, Rey scans the room for her friends. She catches sight of Rose waving to her and Rey smiles politely as she makes her way over to the table Rose shares with Finn and Poe. She plunks her tray down and the other three involuntarily ogle at the amount of food she’s accumulated.

“So,” Poe ventures, finally drawing his wide eyes away from her plate, “how’d the excursion go?”

“What excursion was this?” Finn asks through a mouthful of food.

“Oh, Rey went to Jakku this afternoon,” Poe says nonchalantly. Finn nearly chokes on his potatoes as he splutters and gawks at Rey across the table.

“Why do you do this to me, Rey?” He demanded. She looks at him sheepishly.

“I’m sorry, Finn,” Rey responds, genuinely apologetic. “It’s just that I was looking for something…sentimental to me from my past.”

“Did you find it?” Rose asks brightly.

Rey stares down at her plate, poking at some questionable greens with her fork. “No,” she says curtly. “It appears someone pilfered it for a reason beyond me.”

“Ah, sorry about that,” said Poe. Rey shrugs in response before returning to her meal. The others look at each other warily around the table. Rose and Poe pry at Finn with their eyes, encouraging him to speak. Finn sighs heavily.

“Rey, there’s something we want to talk to you about,” Finn says slowly.

“Is this an intervention? Are you all finally calling me on not leaving enough food for the Resistance?” Rey says between mouthfuls. 

“No, no! Of course not,” they all stammer nervously over each other. Rey stops chewing and stares at them each in turn. Poe runs a jittery hand through his hair before he speaks up.

“We, uh…we’ve come up with a plan,” he says. “To potentially help us take down the First Order.” Rey lights up. She desperately wants this war to be over, although she has no idea of what she would do when it ends. Perhaps she could experience peace for once, find somewhere that she felt she belonged. In her wildest dreams, she imagines sharing that place with someone she loves.

“Well, let’s hear it then,” she says excitedly, shoveling some cake into her mouth and grinning at them. They don’t smile back and a long silence passes between them all.

“We want to infiltrate the Stormtrooper reconditioning program,” Rose finally blurts out. “We think it will help us destabilize the First Order from within.” Rey gulps down the cake before allowing her mouth to drop open.

“Infiltrate?” she blinks at them. It’s Finn’s turn to speak now.

“Rose and I are going in disguised as Stormtroopers,” he explains quietly. “Since the majority of Stormtroopers are stolen from their families at birth, they are brainwashed with First Order propaganda from a very young age. Not all of them, however,” Finn says as he gestures to himself, “are totally receptive. When any form of independent thought occurs or if a Trooper expresses a sentiment counter to the Imperial’s belief system, they are sent off to a reconditioning program. There, they undergo shock therapy to return them to submission. If that doesn’t work, they are…eliminated.”

Rey’s eyes are wide and filled with horror and disgust.

“That’s awful,” she finally manages to exclaim.

“It is,” Finn agrees, nodding. “But there’s an opportunity there. Their noncompliance means that they don’t fully agree with the mission. There’s a chance that we could form a secret coalition of outliers within the First Order itself, working to undermine efforts and sabotage attacks.”

“This sounds terribly dangerous,” Rey mumbles to the table, shaking her head. The silence from the others acknowledges their agreement with her.

“The fact is, Rey,” Poe now speaks up, “that we don’t have enough Resistance fighters to topple this regime from external assaults alone. We need to poison the First Order from the inside.”

Rey stares at her half empty plate and realizes that she’s not hungry anymore. Her heart is breaking at their proposition; Finn is her first real friend…she can’t stand the thought of him being in this dangerous of a mission without her there to protect him. But then she thinks of how she hurt him terribly and the guilt consumes her; she doesn’t trust herself with his safety anymore. Instead, her mind starts working in overdrive, trying to think of a logical counter to their idea, of a way to protect her friend in some other way. She can find none. It really could be their best shot.

“What are the full details of this plan?” she finally asks softly, trying to brace herself for the information. The group takes turns explaining how they plan to penetrate the First Order. They’ve already gotten their hands on a couple of suits of Stormtrooper armor, and Finn has been teaching Rose how to blend in to the ranks. After assimilating into the division, they will identify and eliminate two troopers overseeing the reconditioning program in order to take their place. From that position, the duo will be able to work directly with the Troopers expressing divergent thoughts from the First Order and come up with a secret passcode to identify each other every day. When the time comes, they predict after about a couple of months undercover, they will be able to feed secret battle plans and weaknesses of the Empire to the Resistance and launch an assault from within as the Alliance moves to attack the Imperial fleet. 

Rey looks somberly at her friends around the table. She can feel that they are nervous about the plan as well, but their minds are made up. Looking back down at her still rather full plate, she sighs and asks, “When do you plan on implementing this course of action?”

“We’re not entirely sure of that part,” Poe admits. “General Leia has given me authority to make this kind of call, but it’s still something I’d like to run by her first. She’s scheduled to return to base tomorrow and I will discuss it with her then.” Rey nods silently.

“Let me know of any way that I can help,” Rey says quietly. 

“Just keep being a Jedi and working on those powers of yours,” Poe grins at her. Rey gives him a weak smile back. If only he knew of how poorly it was going. Rey glances over at Finn and Rose exchanging a warm look between themselves and Rey feels that flicker of loneliness. She looks back down.

“Well, it’s been a long day,” she eventually declares. “I think I’ll be off to bed now. Good night, you guys.”

They all smile at Rey and wish her a good night as well and she stands to leave. Rey can feel their eyes on her back as she walks out of the cafeteria, and she clenches her fists as she feels them pity her sense of isolation. They care deeply about her, but they’ve noticed how her eyes mist over for long moments and how she doesn’t smile as brightly as she used to. They love her, but they don’t understand her. They can’t connect fully with her, and she can’t with them either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, the excitement really picks up after this chapter, so stay tuned!


	5. Chapter 5

The door hisses shut behind Ben and he wastes no time falling into meditation, calling her to him. He’s nervous to see her again; he knows well enough that her hatred of him is most likely still fully in tact, but Ben still can’t stand the thought hurting her. That, and his conversation with Luke has him both worried about and motivated to help Rey, so he reaches out for her light. 

When he opens his eyes, he is in her darkened room and he cautiously scans it. His gaze settles on her shelf and he can feel the pull of the crystal, unable to stop himself from silently crossing the floor to examine it more closely. The hilt still lies broken in two next to it, and he marvels again at the possibility. 

Carefully, he picks up the two halves of the gem, feeling their warmth in his palm. Then his eyes drift over to a stack of books also on the shelf. His lips slightly part as he recognizes what they are: the sacred texts of the ancient Jedi Order. How did she come into possession of these? Did Luke give them to her while on Ahch-To? Ben suddenly realizes that he can see the entirety of her room, whereas in all of their previous connections, he could only see her. Is the bond getting stronger?

Ben hears a light stirring and he spins around to see her bed in the opposite corner. Rey is still asleep, her blanket pulled up to her chin and her body curled tightly in on itself underneath it. He can hear her soft breathing and sees a stray hair fallen across her cheek. Heart pounding, Ben quietly crosses the room and resists the urge to brush her hair back. She looks so tiny and vulnerable again, like she did on Jakku just yesterday, and he feels an overwhelming need to protect her. 

“Rey?” his voice comes out in a cracked whisper. He clears his throat and tries again. “Rey,” he says more firmly this time.

What seems like only a second later, Ben feels a vicious whack against the side of his head immediately followed by a second thumping on his opposite ribcage. At the sound of his voice, Rey had seized the quarterstaff by her bed and proceeded to attack him without a moment’s hesitation. So much for her needing his protection.

 _Well, this is just perfect,_ Ben thinks as he grimaces from the pummels, _first a verbal assault, now a physical one._ He’s not surprised, but he is hurt. Ben dodges her next strike, but then feels his legs get taken out from under him. He lands on his back with a pained breath before rolling away to avoid a stomp to his abdomen and launching himself back to his feet. Ben can’t help but acknowledge that his uncle was right: she really is formidable with that staff. He makes a mental note to try not to upset her in the future if the weapon is anywhere in sight.

“Why are you doing this?” Rey yells angrily.

“Doing what?” Ben asks wildly, ducking to avoid a blow to his temple. _Getting my ass kicked by you again?_ He thinks bitterly.

“Invading my space! Reaching for me whenever you want! I shut you out for a reason,” she snarls as she attempts an overhead sweep that Ben barely manages to block with a crack to his forearm. Her attacks refuse to abate for even a second, and he can’t help but admire her ferocity yet again. He realizes his only chance to get through to her is to subdue her, and the only way to subdue her is to make her unbalanced.

“Listen, _sweetheart,_ you have every right to attack me…” Ben starts snidely, choosing to use one of his father’s favorite jabs, but Rey promptly lands a kick to his torso, sending him flying across the room and into the wall. That obviously struck a nerve with her; he couldn’t recall a time his mother had reacted that aggressively. Still slightly dazed and slumped against the wall, Ben filed the information away.

“Don’t you ever call me ‘sweetheart’ again,” she growls dangerously. Only the voice in her dreams can do that. Ben’s mouth draws back into a mix of a snarl and a smile, smugly satisfied that he got under her skin despite the throbbing in the back of his head.

“I suppose you would prefer the term ‘scavenger,’ then?” Ben taunts, partly because he is unable to stop himself and partly because he needs to elicit another one of her attacks. As expected, Rey howls in response and charges him, but Ben is ready for the reaction and pushes himself up swiftly to use her overwhelmed emotional state to his advantage. He finally manages to capture the center of her staff with her next strike and uses his brute force to twist her momentum against her, slamming her back into the wall. Rey feels a shimmer of fear as Ben swiftly closes the remaining space between them, his black figure seeming to dissipate into the darkness of her room until his shadow is all she sees. 

Without realizing what has happened, she finds her hands pinned above her head between her staff and the wall and Ben ignites his lightsaber held just inches from her face, both of their chests heaving raggedly. She can feel the sparks from his crackling blade and her hands being crushed beneath his grip, and she turns her face in an attempt to escape the heat and stinging pain. Ben can’t stop his gaze from traveling hungrily down the line of her neck and he grinds his teeth, trying to bite back the darkness he feels rising in him.

“You’re hurting me,” Rey whimpers softly, hating herself for admitting it so pathetically. His face flickering in shame, Ben immediately releases his grip on the staff, allowing her arms to lower as she sucks in a deep breath, eyeing him warily. He moves his lightsaber a safer distance away from her, but keeps it ignited, just in case she decides on another trick with her staff.

“I’m sorry,” Ben mumbles in embarrassment, “but I’m trying to warn you, Rey,” his voice now deep and soft, urgent. “The First Order is launching an assault on your base within the hour.” Rey’s brow furrows in the crackling red glow, studying his face with scrutiny. Reaching out with her feelings to touch his, she senses only honesty in his words.

“Why are you telling me this?” she asks dubiously. 

“Because I’m expected to succeed in killing you this time,” he replies tensely. Her face visibly falters and she bites her bottom lip, causing Ben to lose concentration for a second. His eyes drift down to her lips involuntarily, mesmerized by how crimson they’ve become in the light of his blade, before looking back into her fiery hazel eyes. Their depth rivals his own.

“Then do it,” she spits at him, pain and resignation in her eyes. Ben gapes at her as grief consumes him, shaking his head in disgust.

“No,” he breathes in horror. Rey inadvertently exhales in relief, but recovers her shell of impenetrable defiance a second later.

“Why not?” her question comes out in a barely audible whisper, her chin jutted out and whole body starting to lightly tremble. She watches his throat bob up and down as he swallows hard. Sighing, Ben turns off the lightsaber, cloaking them in the sudden darkness again, but Rey can still feel his emotions for her rolling off of him. Their intensity takes her breath away.

“For the same reason you couldn’t kill me. Because I want you, with me,” he replies finally, and Rey’s cheeks prickle with heat. “Besides,” he continues, “there’s still work for us to do.” 

“Us?” she splutters back, a tone of incredulousness filling her voice. “I’m pretty sure you ended ‘us’ aboard the Supremacy. And I’ve already rejected your offer to ‘rule the galaxy’ together, remember?” 

Ben ignores her and locates the lights to the room, flipping them on and realizing for the first time that Rey is only barely dressed. He blushes and looks away from her as she scrambles to her closet to throw on a tunic.

“I’ve no interest in having you as my Empress,” and Ben is surprised to feel a flicker of disappointment through the bond. Why would that upset her? Was it over the loss of the offer of power, or him? 

“But only because I have no interest in remaining the Emperor,” he quickly adds. Ben dares to steal a glance at Rey, trying to gauge her reaction. His words obviously impact her, as her whole body tenses in response to them, her back still to him. He can sense that it’s now her who is surprised, and he feels his hope swell. 

_If Ben doesn’t want control of the First Order, what is it that he wants with me exactly_ Rey wonders. _What’s his plan, his purpose?_

“So, how’s the light reading of the ancient books coming?” he gestures toward her shelf, trying to alleviate some of the tension in the air and switch the direction of the conversation. Now it’s Rey’s turn to blush and look sheepish. 

“I, uh…” she stammers.

“Can’t read them?” Ben answers for her. Rey hangs her head, the silence confirming his conjecture. He cautiously turns back toward her and finds that she’s relatively dressed now, in a black tunic that makes her look strong and capable. Frozen to the spot, Ben can’t help but drink in her figure. Rey shivers and it’s then that Ben realizes he’s been gawking at her.

“I can translate them,” he says as he clears his throat, and her face lights up at the offer before she remembers that she’s supposed to be mad at him, and resumes her scowl. Ben suppresses a smile at her dogged stubbornness before continuing, “I’m rather surprised that Luke gave the sacred texts to you though. That’s quite a burden.” Rey looks back down and lightly kicks at the floor.

“He didn’t give them to me,” she mumbles to her feet. Ben blinks at her for a moment, trying to process what she means, before breaking out into a genuine laugh. The sound of it makes Rey’s heart and stomach jump and she stares at Ben, seeing him as a complete man for the first time. 

“So you stole from your first real Jedi Master within a week?” he shakes his head, amusement still painting his voice. “I guess I should be thankful you didn’t take me up on my offer to teach you then.”

“I didn’t _steal_ them, I’m _borrowing_ them. And they weren’t exactly his anyways,” Rey huffs, trying to sound more peeved than she is, and deliberately avoiding a response to the reminder that she had turned him down more than once.

“Of course,” Ben snorts. His smirk fades quickly as he realizes that he’s spent too much time bantering with her. Rey senses the shift in his mood and the brief flash of happiness leaves her.

“You only have a half hour to warn the Resistance,” Ben says darkly as he gets back on topic. “Take the pieces of the lightsaber and the texts with you aboard the Millenium Falcon. Get them to a safe place, out of this system. I will pursue you and will have to make it look like I’m really trying to shoot you down. I may even hit some nonessential areas.”

“I’m fighting back,” Rey cuts in, struggling with her sash and boots.

“I should hope so,” Ben agrees before continuing. “We have to make it look convincing before you jump to warp. Now go, we’re running out of time,” he commands as he begins to turn away, thinking at first that he would just walk out of her room before realizing it wasn’t a possibility.

“Wait,” Rey clutches his hand with her own to stop him. “You never told me why you wanted to reconnect us.”

Ben stares at their clasped hands for a moment before his eyes wander up her arm to rest on her new battle scar she had sustained during their fight with the Praetorian Guards. When she had fought _with_ him, not against. Tilting his head thoughtfully, he runs his fingertips along the two hands reaching for each other across her skin and smiles lightly before finally meeting her inquisitive eyes. 

“You’re my weakness,” he admits quietly. “But when I let your light in, you become my strength. And I don’t want to be alone anymore. Neither do you,” Ben squeezes her hand just before he fades away, leaving Rey’s stomach to flutter at his sudden absence and the truth in his words. She has always felt so electrified after any of their interactions, as if she’s fully alive. Shaking the last of the jitters out of her head, she slams her hand on the console and dashes out of the room to alert the Resistance.

******

“Poe!” Rey yells as she streaks into the conference room, breathless from her sprint through the halls. Poe raises his eyebrows at her and lifts his chin in acknowledgement.

“Don’t worry, Rey, they haven’t shut down the breakfast line yet,” he mumbles blearily as he sips some steaming caffa from his mug.

“The First Order knows our location and is on their way to attack us,” she blurts out, ignoring his sarcasm. Poe spits his drink across the table and launches himself to his feet.

“How do you know this?” he demands.

“I was awakened by…” Rey falters for a second, realizing she hadn’t thought of an alibi to cover up her connection with Ben. “…by a disturbance in the Force. I had a premonition. We have to move now!”

“Okay,” Poe nods, looking around the room, obviously formulating a plan as quickly as he can. Rey finds herself mildly shocked at how trusting Poe is of her. Is this the kind of power a Jedi can wield? The Resistance commander snaps his fingers, quickly drawing her back to the situation at hand. “Okay, this can be our chance to get Rose and Finn into the First Order. Go tell them to get ready immediately and then you meet me back at the hangar, suited up and ready to fly.”

“I’m taking Chewie and the Millenium Falcon, not an X-wing,” Rey says to him. Poe stares at her. 

“No, you will be flying alongside me. I need our attack squadron to protect the transports,” he retorts. Rey straightens up and holds her chin out defiantly, fists clenched at her side.

“I will be protecting the knowledge of the Force. It’s not just the Resistance that the First Order is seeking to eliminate in this attack. Hux is attempting to destroy all Jedi and their teachings. I must get the ancient texts to safety, for the sake of the future protection of the oppressed.”

Poe considers her for a beat. “Spoken like a true Jedi, but I think you meant _Kylo_ is trying to destroy the last Jedi,” he states. Rey knits her brow at the mention of the name. Hadn’t she just said Kylo? No, she had actually said Hux, but why had she said that name? Who is that anyways, and how does she know that it’s him who is trying to destroy the last remnants of the Jedi religion? 

Her mind starts to race. What if this is all a trap? What if Ben is using their connection to mess with her head and draw her out in order to destroy her? A wave of cold uncertainty crashes over her just before Poe interrupts her thoughts. 

“Go,” he orders, “take the Falcon. Keep your comms on and report to me once you get the books to safe keeping. I’ll advise you on where to meet us then.” Rey nods, swallowing a nervous lump down her throat.

“Yes, commander,” Rey responds and they both race out of the room, Poe initiating the emergency alert and Rey peeling off to intercept Finn and Rose. Giving her first friend one last tight hug, she orders them into the Stormtrooper armor before sprinting back to her room. After collecting the lightsaber pieces and the texts, Rey dashes to the hangar to find Chewie already firing up the Falcon as she runs up the ramp, sirens deafening her. Rey doesn’t have time to doubt herself and Ben’s motives anymore. She straps herself in to the pilot’s chair and takes a deep breath as she maneuvers the ship out of the hangar and pierces the icy morning light.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys...$#!+ is getting real in this chapter!

Ben’s personal TIE fighter intercepts her almost immediately, swooping in and locking weapons on her without hesitation. Chewie howls in alarm and rises from his seat to go man the gun turret, but Rey grabs his massive, furry arm.

“No,” she asserts sharply. “I need a co-pilot more than a gunner right now. I can avoid his fire.” Mewling in worry, Chewie regards Rey curiously. Something is remiss, he knows, but he listens to Rey and settles back into his chair, gripping the controls hard. Rey stays as low as she dares, dodging icy crags and soaring over snowy basins. She’s trying to avoid detection from other TIE fighters while also drawing Ben away from the Rebel’s land based machinery. As promised, Ben continues to fire on her relentlessly, but Rey neatly avoids each shot. 

“Rey! Chewie! Why aren’t you firing?” Poe suddenly screams through the comms, his X-wing falling in to flank Ben and opening fire on him. Suddenly, another TIE fighter enters the battle, attacking both the Falcon and Poe’s craft. Rey feels panic begin to rise in her. She should allow Chewie to fire back now, thanks to the other TIE fighter, but what if he aims for Ben instead? She can’t take that chance.

“The guns are jammed again, Poe,” Rey responds quickly and Chewie throws her a bewildered look. Ignoring him, she throws the Falcon into a spin and pulls up to avoid taking fire from the new enemy fighter, inadvertently exposing Poe to a frontal assault. Poe curses as he peels off, a blast just clipping the right wing of his fighter, disabling the guns on that side. BB-8 sets to work on repairing it immediately, and Rey sighs in relief.

“Rey, I can’t cover you until BB-8 repairs the guns,” Poe exclaims. “You’re going to have to hold them off for a bit.”

“Understood, Black Leader,” Rey responds. She hopes that she hasn’t made a mistake in trusting Ben with her life, and she wouldn’t be so nervous if they could just shake that other TIE fighter. Just then, she felt the Falcon shudder as it sustained a shot from the enemy aircraft. Rey feels a surge of darkness course through her as she tries to outmaneuver him, attempts to avoid another hit. Just then, an alarm starts going off, notifying them that the fighter has weapons locked on them.

“No, no, no,” Rey breathes, frantically throwing the Falcon to the left and igniting the reverse boosters in a desperate attempt to lose the enemy ship. Suddenly, the alarm goes silent as the TIE fighter explodes above them, Ben’s personal craft dodging the resulting debris and zooming past their cockpit. Rey lets out a long sigh of relief as Chewie growls his enthusiasm. So Ben _is_ on her side.

“Yeah, Rey!” Poe whoops. “How’d you do that? Some new Jedi trick you learned on the fly?” He briefly chuckles at his own joke.

“I di—“ Rey starts.

“Alright, my guns are back up,” he cuts her off. “Let’s take this monster out.”

Rey pales and glances over at Chewie who has his head cocked at her, a look of inquisitiveness in his eyes. Rey knows that the Wookie is starting to put it together, so she can only tensely shake her head at him and Chewie grunts his understanding, turning back to the console. She closes her eyes, draws in a deep breath, and reaches out to the Force, feeling for Ben. When she opens them again, she knows what she has to do.

Ben and Rey proceed to read each other’s intentions, flying together in perfect harmony. They come within feet of each other, spinning and twisting through space, narrowly avoiding both ground and aerial gunfire from all around them. They work together to defend themselves from Poe’s shots, yet still manage to put on a convincing offensive show. It feels like she’s back in Snoke’s throne room, fighting the Praetorian Guards with Ben by her side. She can sense Poe’s frustration and feel Ben smiling. She can’t help but smile back. They’re enjoying themselves.

“Damn, they’re good,” Poe mutters to himself before yelling into the comms, “Would you two stop dancing around and give me a clean shot already?” 

“I’m almost clear to jump, Black Leader,” Rey responds, Poe’s verbal agitation cutting just a bit into her enjoyment, causing a brief flash of anger in her. “Just hold him off for a few more seconds.”

“I’m taking this bastard down,” Poe grits back. Rey feels her heart stammer and the fear grow.

“No, Poe, get yourself out of here! We’ve already sustained too many losses,” Rey replies, trying not to sound panicked. Rey receives only silence in response, her anxiety increasing in turn. “I can handle him. Please trust me.” 

Frantically, she punches in the coordinates for Ahch-To, figuring she might as well return the texts to their original home. She reaches out through the Force again, hoping to successfully transmit a warning to Ben. She has no choice now but to continue forward and hope that everything will work out. 

“Making the jump in three, two, one…” she chokes out before pushing the Millenium Falcon into lightspeed.

****

The ship is smaller than what she’s used to, spare in functions and discreet in appearance. It requires only one soul to pilot it, and a recent recruit for the Rebellion is at the helm, guiding the ship and its two passengers back towards Hoth. Since the Battle of Crait, General Organa has focused her efforts on reaching out to her former allies, trying to reestablish their trust and resources. The progress has been steady, yet tedious, and the leader of the Resistance knows her work is far from over. The galaxy still needs saving. It always will, she realizes wearily. 

As her mind wanders, the general feels a pang of regret at how long she’s been gone from the heart of the Resistance again. She finds herself ruminating on a small disturbance she felt in the Force the last time she was on Hoth. Before leaving, she had sensed something different and unsettled about Rey, something that required a cautious investigation and gentle guidance. Instead, Leia had put off confronting the young Jedi about it, deciding to wait until she returned from this most recent recruitment effort in the Outer Rim. 

She silently curses herself for the decision. How many times had she pushed Ben and his dark ripples to the side, deferring her time to debating politics in the Senate rather than confront the shadows growing in her strong son? Had she learned nothing from how that had turned out? Sighing with a shake of her head, Leia looks out of a small porthole at the hyperspace star trails shooting by, her hands snugly wrapped around a warm mug of caf. She won’t make the same mistake with Rey, but she also can’t help but admit that she feels so very tired, of everything.

“General?” comes the young recruit’s voice from up front, concern laced in his tone.

“What is it, Kl’acy?” Leia calls back, making her way to the cockpit.

“I’m receiving a transmission advising us that the Hoth base is under attack. Shall we bypass the system?”

“Like hell, we won’t,” the general replies in determination. “Prepare to drop out of lightspeed, and put up shields immediately.” Leia knows the shields won’t stand a chance against heavy laser fire, and she can sense that the young pilot is aware of the same thing. However, she also knows that a general doesn’t run from a fight, especially when countless others have died for her and the cause she represents. Strapping herself into her chair, Leia has an eerie feeling that it will be the last time she does so. She closes her eyes and falls into meditation, just as her brother had taught her, reaching out to focus on the feeling of the Force surging through her. If only she could see Ben one more time…

****  
General Hux watches Ben touch his fighter back down in the hangar, a smug smile crossing his face.

“Gentlemen,” he says to the officers behind him, “as I predicted, the Supreme Leader did not eliminate the girl.” He pauses, savoring the satisfaction of this victory. Soon, the beginning of the elimination of Force users will be at hand. It’s all he can do to not break into a chuckle of dark glee in front of his personnel. “Arm yourselves and move into position. His mother will surely be dropping into our system momentarily. We must be ready to strike.”

“Yes, general,” they respond behind him, chairs shifting and uniforms rustling as they exit the room confidently. Hux draws himself up to his full height as he watches Ben stride out of the fighter. In just a few more minutes, Kylo Ren will be deposed and General Armitage Hux will ascend to the position of Supreme Leader. _Finally,_ he thinks, his chest puffing with pride at his long road to success.

 

Ben strides quickly and confidently across the hangar, although he makes sure to put on a show of frustration in his footsteps. Glancing up briefly, he sees Hux’s familiar scowl greeting him from behind a high window. There’s something a bit more sinister in his glare this time though, something more…confident, perhaps? The expression strikes Ben as dangerously odd and he instinctively puts up his guard as he turns a corner and glides through the hallway leading to his room. The corridor is strangely deserted and quiet and Ben slows his tread, his hand cautiously reaching for his lightsaber. He can sense that something isn’t quite right.

“Ben!” a voice shouts to him, both desperate and relieved. The sound of it roots him to the spot. It can’t be, can it? It calls again, “Ben, please!”

Tentatively, he turns to face the voice and his whole body begins to tremble, the world around him becoming obsolete as his vision focuses solely on the figure before him. She is somehow smaller and so much older than he remembers, yet still anything but frail and weak. Her Force signature shines brightly and comfortingly, and Ben can feel her love for him radiating out from her. Its power and truth takes his breath away, and he takes a staggering step toward her. 

“Mother?” he asks, his own voice shaky and timid. Why can he see her so clearly? How is this possible? He regards her form and looks beyond her. She’s obviously too solid to be a Force ghost like his uncle, and she’s definitely not aboard a heavily armored First Order vessel with no protection. Panic begins to envelop him as he realizes the only other option is that she’s projecting herself to him, like his uncle had on Crait. Leia is walking confidently towards him, tears filling her eyes, and Ben feels like a small child again, despite their size differences. How many years has it been since he’s seen her?

Finally stopping before her son, she gazes up into his broken, dark eyes, wisps of his black hair swept into them and his full lips quivering. She reaches up to trace Rey’s mark across his face and Ben gently grasps her wrist, resting his cheek against her palm. She feels so real. His tears flow between her fingers and he thinks back to the last time they had touched like this, just before she had sent him away to train with Luke. He couldn’t help but think of it as the day his light had gone out.

“I’m so sorry,” Leia whispers in response to his memory, and Ben drops his forehead to hers, openly sobbing now. “I was so wrong, Ben. Please forgive me.” 

Her words drive the man to his knees, his hands clutching the folds of her dress and head bowed in both remorse and emotional agony. Leia reaches down to run her hand through her son’s soft hair one last time, smiling lightly at its softness. It’s just as she remembered, both in his youth and in her dreams.

“I love you, Ben. Always,” she says to him assuredly, and he looks up at her through his tear-soaked lashes, nodding at her words. He understands now. He feels her sincerity and regret and compassion. He feels it all. His jaw clenches and unclenches, his lips struggling to form the words he hasn’t spoken to anyone in well over a decade.

“I love y…” he starts weakly, but his mother’s projection suddenly explodes in a burst of blinding light, knocking him backwards in the hall, his ears ringing and heart cleaving in two.

****

Once safely to lightspeed, Rey unstraps herself and claps the Wookie on his shoulder.

“Great flying, Chewie,” she commends. She pauses before continuing more quietly. “And, thank you.” Chewie nods and gives her a tight smile as he flips on the autopilot. “I’m going to go stretch my legs a bit,” Rey says as she turns to leave the cockpit. She wants to check the cabin where she left the texts and lightsaber. 

Upon entering the room, the ground suddenly drops out from underneath Rey, her breath snatched right from her lungs. She collapses to the floor, gasping, curling into fetal position, her heart feeling as if it’s been shredded into a thousand pieces. As her tears fall to the cold, metal floor, blades of soft grass spring up in their place. She blinks, confused, and an entire world comes into focus before her eyes, pressed beneath her broken body. The pain has subsided and she lifts her head to take in her surroundings. Gentle green hills roll into a calm azure sea, a lush wood stands quietly beside her, and pockets of wildflowers nod in the light breeze. Rey allows the smallest of smiles to escape her lips as she turns her face toward the warmth up above. She feels safe here, protected. Almost like this is a home.

And then her blood runs cold, her bones turning to ice. All around her, inside of her, she hears it. His voice slips through her mind, reaching into the darkest depths of her soul.

“And how is my special little child today?” Snoke’s voice slithers through her veins. “Did you really think you could get rid of me so easily? I know everything about you, every strength, every weakness, every hiding place…” 

Rey shuts her eyes in a panic. _It’s not possible, it’s not possible,_ she repeats to herself. Ben killed Snoke, he’s no longer a threat. She hears engines flare to life and she spins around to see the Millenium Falcon readying for takeoff. She knits her brow, takes a small step forward. _Who’s taking my ship?_

“No, please don’t! Please don’t go,” a little voice whimpers behind her. “Come back!”

Rey whirls around and catches sight of a small boy with black hair swept into swollen eyes. He’s being led away by a woman of regal stature, tugging futilely against her hand, his pleas falling on deaf ears.

“It’s for the best, Ben,” says a strained voice. Rey knows that voice, and her throat closes shut. The General. And then another voice comes into her head, gravelly and cold…

“ _I_ will never leave you, Ren.”

The pit in her stomach drags her down to her knees and suddenly she finds herself in a darkened room. She strains her eyes to adjust to the dim light and makes out the figure of General Leia sitting on the edge of a bed, her head drooped and shoulders quaking. Before her, a boy on his way to becoming a man kneels before her, his hands clasped in hers.

“I didn’t mean to, mother, I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone, to let you down. I don’t know what came over me…” the boy trails off.

“But I do,” she whispered. The cold enters the air around Rey again, Snoke’s voice cutting like a knife.

“You did nothing wrong, boy,” it snarls viciously. “You’re surrounded by weakness. They will fear you now, respect you.”

“Mother, I’m scared,” Ben says shakily.

“As am I,” Leia exhales. Then she straightens up, her resolve becoming apparent in her posture as she reaches down to cup his cheeks between her palms. “Which is why I’m sending you away to train with Luke. We can’t lose your light, Ben.”

The boy’s face crumples in her hands, and Rey feels her own soul shatter in response to Leia’s words. Panic clutches at her throat and hot tears stream down her cheeks, mirroring that of the boy in front of her. “No, please don’t send me away, mother! You’re the only light I have in my life…please…” he sobs, his fingers clutching desperately at his mother’s dress.

Suddenly, flames erupt at the edges of Rey’s vision and begin to lap at the corners of the room until they all but consume the walls, the floor, the bed. Rey springs to her feet and finds herself among the burning rubble of Luke’s Jedi Temple. As she coughs on the ash falling from the sky, she looks up to watch a sleek, black ship leave the atmosphere. The smoke invades her lungs, her vision goes dark, and she collapses to the ground amongst the smoldering embers.

Except it’s cold, so cold. Rey shivers uncontrollably, eyes still shut tight, until she hears the blood curdling scream. Her eyes fly open and at first, all she sees is red. Then her eyes adjust and she recognizes where she is with a shudder. Snoke’s throne room. She presses up from the floor and looks in the direction of the horrible screaming. A young man is held suspended in the air, convulsing and crying out in agony. Rey knows that pain and she feels her stomach turn, ready to heave.

“You are still too weak, my apprentice. Holding on to the light, for what purpose?” Snoke spat. “Your parents willingly cast you out, you fool. They wisely feared you and your strength. They think you a monster. You have no home, no light to return to. Embrace the dark, embrace me, and this pain can become your home, and bring you power in return. I promise you that it hurts less than having your love rejected again and again.” Snoke released his hold on the young man then, who drops to the floor with a loud thud. Rey watches as he slowly crawls over to position himself in a kneel before the humanoid monster. He reaches for the black helmet beside him and puts it on. All is silent for a moment, as tears stream down Rey’s cheeks, holding her breath as still as the air around her. 

“The Supreme Leader is wise and just,” the mechanical voice comes out blankly.

“BEN, NO!” Rey screams. Kylo’s head snaps towards her in the vision and she scrambles backwards and up against a wall, squeezing her eyes shut again, panting heavily and shaking.

Rey slowly becomes aware that it isn’t just her breaths she’s hearing anymore. The indescribable pain has returned to her chest, nausea creeps up her throat, and her heartbeat is pounding throughout her whole body, making her dizzy with a deep sense of loss over…something, someone. She slowly opens her eyes and takes in her quarters around her. And Ben directly in front of her.

He is down on both knees, doubled over and shaking in a long, cold durasteel hallway. Her breath catches and she stares at him wide-eyed as he slowly lifts his face to meet hers. His eyes are red, strained, and contain more anguish than Rey has ever seen worn by anyone. She can feel that he is broken, split to his core, but the smallest flicker of relief flashes over his countenance as he takes her in. 

“Rey,” he croaks before another spasm overtakes him and he doubles over towards the hard floor. He looks back up at her, “Rey, are you ok?”

“Yes,” she whispers warily, the last bit of ice she had held in her heart for this man melting away at his concern for her. “Ben, what happened?”

He remains silent for several seconds before answering, searching for the precise answer to that question himself. Grief consumes him as he remembers the way his mother had looked at him, one last time. A look full of love and tenderness and forgiveness. Unconsciously shaking his head, pain etched across his face, he mutters half to himself, “I didn’t know she was still alive. I should’ve known, but I thought she must’ve cut me off after…” he hangs his head and chokes back sobs before he continues. “Hux destroyed the armada that my mother was on.” 

Rey’s breath catches, but she’s not surprised. Her face contorts as she fights to maintain control over her emotions. Her chest heaves at the effort, and she finds herself shaking her head in denial. She had loved Leia like the mother she never had. Ben finally manages to lift his broken face back up to hers. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry,” he says quietly, a slight tremor in his voice. “You shouldn’t be seeing this. Feeling this. Being forced into it,” he draws in a shaky breath and drops his head back down before continuing in a voice that reflected the depth of his anguish. “Your pain is my fault. And I’m sorry for that.”

Rey stays pressed up against the wall, trembling, her sobs flowing freely now. The emotions are too much for her to control; they are absolutely consuming her. All at once, she comprehends that the searing agony ripping through her soul isn’t hers alone. The reality flashes brightly in her mind… _he had still loved his mother. Deeply._

“Ben,” Rey says gently, scooting closer to him and cupping his face in the palms of her hands, rubbing her thumbs along the trails of tears on his cheeks. She gazes intently into his eyes, forcing a small smile into her crumpled face. “I still believe in my vision.”

Bringing her forehead to rest against his, Ben grips his hands around her wrists and feels the tiniest shred of solace from her warmth work its way into his soul. _Maybe all is not lost,_ he allows himself to think, wrapping himself in the comfort of her mind. _Maybe the last of the light hasn’t gone out._ He finds himself drowning in the tumult of their emotions, from rage to misery to love, until he is suddenly seized by several strong hands and a syringe is plunged deep into his neck. Ben feels the warmth of the sedative work its way quickly through his system, he hears Rey screaming his name from faraway, and feels himself get dragged backward, reaching for Rey’s outstretched hand before the dark fog envelops him entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm really hoping for something like this to happen in Episode IX (minus Leia actually having to die, but it seems the directors have made up their minds).


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Took a long time to post this chapter, and I really have no excuse unfortunately. Maybe I'm starting to panic because I've only written half of the story and the next chapter is the end of Part I, so I need to get back on it!

“They’ve taken him,” Rey shouts, her eyes wild and crazed as she bursts back into the cockpit. Chewie turns abruptly to regard her, gurgling questions. 

“Ben! They’ve attacked him. The First Order. Chewie, he’s hurt,” Rey chokes on the words as she flings herself into the pilot’s seat and pulls them out of warp. Chewie roars in response.

“I know I’m supposed to go to Ahch-To, but…” she drops her head into her hands and sobs, finally overcome fully by her emotions for Ben and grieving the loss of her mother figure. “They used his love for Leia against him, Chewie. The General…she’s dead.” The Wookie rests back in shock and warbles sadly. They both sit there in silence for several long minutes, staring out at the star-studded sky through bleary eyes and trying to process the events of the painful morning.

“I don’t know what to do,” Rey whispers to no one in particular. Chewie leans forward and reenters the coordinates for Ahch-To, purring his opinion as he pushes them back into warp. Rey nods silently in assent. They will return to the sacred island and Rey will reach for Ben as soon as possible. She only hopes she isn’t too rusty on establishing their connection.

Touching the Falcon down on the rocky coast, Rey barrels out of the ship and sprints up the endless stone steps, desperate to reach the temple at the top. Chewie collects the books and is slower to follow her lead up the stairs, knowing that she has to do this next part alone. Reaching the large rock overlooking the expanse of deep blue ocean, Rey settles herself into a seated position and tries to fall into meditation immediately. The panic is still too great; she can’t steady her racing heart. 

_Breathe. Just breathe,_ she reminds herself. Slowly, her pulse begins to fall back into a normal rhythm in response to her controlled breaths. _Reach out,_ she encourages her mind. _Feel for his darkness._ In her mind’s eye, she returns to the dark cave below her, its cold dampness soothing her. Rey senses his refreshing presence here and she calls it to her in waves, drinking in the refreshing coolness of his essence, quenching her parched and heated soul with it. In her mind’s eye, she willingly throws herself into the black well, trusting that he’ll catch her.

He does. Rey lands on a hard floor, gasping for air on all fours, and looks up to see Ben standing before her. He looks pale and shaken, and Rey sees that they’re in a small cell together. 

“Rey,” he breathes in utter relief. 

She pushes herself to her feet and without hesitation, crashes into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck and squeezing her eyes shut, tears still escaping them. Ben’s heart skips and his breath catches in shock for a split second, his arms suspended in the air behind her back. How long has it been since he’s been held so tightly by another, felt their warmth work its way into his flesh? The sensation is deliciously overwhelming and his head spins momentarily before he exhales deeply, pulling her more firmly into his embrace and sinking his face into her shoulder. They stand there, absorbing and steadying each other’s inner turmoil for several long minutes until their tears dry and their pulses slow. Finally, Rey breaks away from him and looks up into his eyes, searching the depths of his soul. Ben shudders at the penetration.

Reaching up to feel the side of his neck where she had seen the syringe stab him, she asks softly, “What did they do to you?” Ben takes a deep, resigned breath and swallows hard.

“They’re dampening my powers with a strong sedative. My connection to the Force is very weak, practically nonexistent,” he replies, almost in shame, as if the weakness was his fault. Rey stares at his lips and nods slowly.

“How can I help?” she asks quietly. The question catches Ben slightly off guard and his eyebrows jump as his jaw slackens. He can’t recall a time when someone had asked how _they_ could help _him._ He fights the urge to draw her back into his arms, aware that she has no idea how powerfully she had just impacted him. Suddenly realizing that his eyes have been dancing all over her face, he snaps them back into her own gaze. She looks exhausted, emotionally and physically. Ben knows that he’s no better off.

“I think we both need some time to rest first,” he says reluctantly. “Come back to me tomorrow, Rey. I won’t be strong enough to reach you, but I’ll be thinking of…a way out of this,” he gestures to the tight walls around him. Nodding slowly, Rey reaches out to grab his hands and clasps them lightly, her gaze lingering on them before closing her eyes and plunging back into her own fountain of light.

*****

Tripping numbly down the ancient steps of Ahch-To, Rey reaches the collection of stone huts and cautiously walks into Master Skywalker’s old shelter. It has been cleared of his personal effects and wiped clean, several of his windows overlooking the vast and sparkling sea surrounding the island. The bed is bare and the stones cold. Rey finds that logs are neatly stacked in the fire ring and she moves quickly to light it, trying to drive out the chill from her bones and encourage sleep to overtake her. A spark of remembrance comes to her though, and she rushes out of the hut before she falls into a deep slumber. She hasn’t contacted Poe yet.

Walking more quickly this time, she soon arrives back at the Falcon and finds Chewie already trying to patch her through to the Resistance. Static pierces the air as Poe’s voice crackles to life.

“Rey! Did you make it somewhere safe?” the commander asks.

“Yes, Poe,” she replies. “I’m on Ahch-To. The books are secure.” She pauses to gather the courage to ask a question. “How bad is it?”

Poe doesn’t answer for some time. When he finally does, his voice is strained over the connection. “We sustained heavy losses. About a third of our fleet.” Rey’s head drops into her hand, fingers kneading her brow in despair. 

“Have you heard anything from Finn and Rose?” Rey asks haltingly.

“Negative. I presume that it’ll be a few days before we would though,” Poe responds. “Rey, there’s something else. General Organa. She’s…” his voice breaks off into the static.

“I know,” Rey interjects, both forcefully and brokenly. She can’t hear the news of her death again, can’t feel that pain anymore today. They both remain silent for several minutes, the steady hum of crackling interference passing through the light years separating them. Finally, Rey speaks again. “Where are you?”

“Endor for now, but we’re looking for a larger planet on which to regroup and restock,” Poe answers, sounding relieved to be speaking about tactics rather than losses.

“Chandrila,” Rey blurts out, not entirely sure why she did. In fact, she’s never even heard of the planet. She realizes this must be another piece of information shared through her bond with Ben; he must know it’s a place friendly to the Rebels. Wouldn’t that put them in more danger though? Rey decides to meditate on the concern later, after she’s slept some and restored her mental faculties a bit. Poe seems to consider the suggestion for a few seconds before agreeing to it. 

“Ok, that could work,” he concedes. “Meet me there in two day’s time, Rey.”

“Yes, commander,” she replies. “Take care of yourself.”

The communication line fizzles out, leaving Rey in the silence of the Falcon. Leaning back in the pilot’s chair, she watches the suns begin to sink into the ocean waves. She desperately wants this day to come to an end. Turning to Chewie, she asks him if he’ll be staying in the ship or one of the huts tonight. The Wookie barks his intention to stay with the Falcon and guard it against another Porg invasion, but Rey senses that what he really needs is time alone to process the loss of his princess. Rey nods with a ghost of a tender smile on her lips before wishing her furry friend a good night and beginning her trek back up the long stone staircase.

Settling back onto the hard bed, Rey is grateful that she thought to start the fire earlier. The air in her hut is warm and comforting, and she wastes no time curling into fetal position and falling into a deep, yet troubled sleep.

*****

The binary suns of Ahch-To begin their journey out of the sea and paint the sides of the stone huts with brush strokes full of pure, warm light. The air is already heavy with moisture and seabirds of many varieties cry out, swooping and diving for their breakfast hiding beneath the waves, but their morning routine is lost on the young scavenger who is ascending the stairs in the side of the cliff. 

Rey enters the temple at the top of the mountain and stares somewhat blearily at the mosaic in its center, portraying so beautifully the harmony between light and dark. That balance is possible, she’s sure of it, and she raises her head to look past the still pool of wisdom. Her stomach flutters uneasily as her eyes trace along the deep crack she inadvertently carved into the cliff until they settle upon the stone she had first meditated on, when she had first felt the true depth and strength of the Force and her power.

Taking a deep breath, Rey steps confidently out onto the crag to settle herself, cross-legged, upon the flat rock overlooking the expanse of the ocean from her dreams. She takes a moment to just breathe the salty air and take in the scene before her. How far away she is from the endless ripples of sand that stretched to her horizon only a year ago. Smiling that those memories are in her past now and that the waves of sand no longer threaten to be the entirety of her life, she closes her eyes and brings herself to Ben.

When Rey opens her eyes again, she is perched on the concrete slab that wraps around Ben’s cell, her knee mere inches away from his thigh. Ben is already regarding her, his features soft but his eyes intense as usual, despite the sedatives in his system. For several minutes, they simply let their breaths pass between them, relying on their bond to feel the other’s emotions rather than using their words to slice open the air that they share. Their gaze never falters, understanding and consolation crossing the small void between their bodies, and Rey doesn’t know how much time has passed before Ben’s eyes subtly flicker in thought and he finally breaks their silence. 

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure if we’ll have time to perfect it. It’s an ancient technique and we’d need to practice together,” Ben says slowly, knowing full well that education is what Rey craves more than anything. A small shift in her posture and quirk of her brow give away her sense of intrigue. For so long, she’s been desperate to learn more about the applications of the Force and his suspenseful pause is agonizing for her to endure.

“Well, please do continue,” Rey eagerly encourages him. Ben can’t help but smile briefly at her bright eyes and the enthusiasm written across her face. He still can’t believe that she’s here, wanting to help him. Perhaps Hux does have something to fear.

“It’s called a Force meld,” Ben continued. “You would have to allow me to enter your mind, and I would let you into mine. By doing this, we’d be capable of sharing our powers fluidly, magnifying them, and even seeing with the other’s eyes.”

Rey’s stomach drops and she blanches. _Let him in?_ Let him in to her most secret world, allowing him to see everything that makes her, well, her? Of course, she senses at times that he already knows things about her that even she doesn’t know about herself. Still, the thought of feeling so vulnerable, so naked, with him makes Rey shake. Blinking furiously, Rey finally breaks their eye contact, looking forward and attempting to compose herself before speaking again.

“And for what purpose would we be learning this?” she asks feebly, her voice trembling more than she would like. Ben senses her understandable nervousness.

“I won’t take anything that I don’t need,” he says gently, reaching out to cover one of her hands with his in an effort to reassure her. Rey stares hard at his hand, the rest of his words sounding somewhat distant and detached in her head. “Besides, you would be the one in control mostly. I’m the one with weakened powers, after all.” Ben had already thought this through and struggled to accept how exposed he would be to her, so he also shared in her trepidation. However, he knows it is his only chance to influence their future, so he shoves down his anxiety and, clearing his throat, continues with his explanation. “Hux intends to execute me, and I would like your help in…convincing him of another option.”

Rey can’t stop herself from drawing in a sharp breath and clutching her knees with her fingers. There’s that unfamiliar, yet somehow well-known, name again. And execution? She understands that there are a countless number of people in the galaxy who would rejoice at Ben’s demise, but she is not one of them anymore. Looking back over at him with her head swimming and heart pounding, Rey becomes vaguely aware of the sound of seabirds overhead in Ben’s cell and she sees his hair softly blowing across his face. _That doesn’t make sense,_ she thinks absently. _None of this makes sense._

Ben can feel that Rey is drifting away, her thoughts confused and murky. Rey senses that there is more behind what he is saying to her, and Ben knows that what he says next will fall hard on her. His fingers lace through hers now and he watches her closely as his next words spill from his lips, letting them break over her as gently as he can.

“Rey, he intends to use me to lure you here and kill you as well. General Hux believes that the universe should be rid of those like us, those who are attuned to the Force. It’s the reason that my Knights have never been near the First Order. They’ve been on a mission to locate and recruit other Force sensitives in the galaxy. After Hux deals with us, after he crushes the Resistance, he’ll hunt them down as well and eradicate every last Force user. He won’t consider the First Order safe from threat until he does.”

Anger and fear flare through their bond. An urge to protect, a need to destroy. Rey begins to waver on the hard floor of Ben’s cell, teetering dangerously close to the edge of her own cliff. Ben reaches for her instinctively, breaking their hand hold to wrap an arm around her shoulders to steady her. It feels like the air has been taken right out of her lungs and her shoulders curl in on herself.

“Rey?” he probes softly, giving her a gentle shake, but Rey doesn’t hear him. She’s too busy putting it all together. The knowledge of Poe’s true intentions with her, the safety that Chandrila presented for the Resistance, the image of a lanky general with ginger hair sneering at her. Rey finally understands that their bond has enabled her to access insights that are not only her own, but Ben’s as well. So that’s how she knew Hux’s purpose before the attack on Hoth…because Ben was aware of it. Rey notices something else as she digs deeper into their connection, something that dances between salvation and danger. It’s an overwhelming sense of devotion, to each other. The revelation startles her back to the present and she looks at Ben, diving freely into the depth of his gaze.

“Why?” she asks quietly, not giving him any hint as to the context of her question. Ben is forced to swallow hard and only guess at what it is that she truly wants answered. Even though his powers are weak, he can feel that Rey has been ruminating on their churning emotions. 

“Because you’re powerful beyond belief,” Ben replies, choosing to address the question of Hux’s desire to eliminate Force users rather than their confusing feelings for each other. “Historically, the Jedi are loyal to democracy and fight on the side of the Resistance, defending the less powerful from the Empire and most dangerously of all, inspiring others to stand up and fight against oppression. Why wouldn’t Hux want to crush that? He knows that we worked together to destroy Snoke and his guards. He’s seen what we’re capable of. He knows now that we are his greatest threat.”

Nodding absently, Rey thinks back to their fight against the Praetorian Guards in Snoke’s Throne Room, when she had felt both invincible and powerful beyond imagination. United, they truly were unstoppable. They had twisted and tangled in perfect harmony, fighting together to eradicate Ben’s past and ignite a spark of hope for their future. Rey had felt the Light pulsing off of Ben, and she had felt the Dark surge through her, giving her incredible strength behind her blows. It had felt good to strike down the faceless guards, to bring swift and overdue justice to Snoke. Why did she delight in their deaths? Wasn’t it wrong to enjoy killing, even if she thought of those whom she slaughtered as bad people? She shudders at the memory of the joy she had experienced in one of the darkest moments of her life.

Despite his weakened powers, the man sitting opposite Rey has little trouble discerning what is going through her mind and causing her to tremble under his stare. His need to reassure and protect her surges through his veins again, and Ben ventures forward with both his words and his body gently, scooting close to her now so that their legs are touching. 

“We can control those urges, with each other’s help. Together, with the Knights of Ren at our backs, we can topple this Empire. Neither side will need to use us as tools of war…Rey, we can be free,” he says in hushed excitement as he tucks her hair behind her ear, his hand lingering against the side of her face. Ben feels a small thrill that Rey doesn’t flinch at this more intimate gesture. “We can belong to something of _our_ choosing.”

Her eyes meet his as those words tumble from his lips. A deep ache throbs in Rey’s heart and she presses her cheek into Ben’s palm. _Belonging. Choice. Love._ She bites her bottom lip to stop it from quivering and swipes at an errant tear. How long has she yearned for those very things? How many times has she rocked herself to sleep with the whispered promise of someone coming back for her? 

Taking a deep breath, her mind made up, she asks, “What are you hoping to influence him to do?” Ben brings his hand down from her face so that he can grasp both of her hands, staring at them only momentarily before speaking again.

“To exile me to where you are right now. On Ahch-To,” Ben says firmly, bracing himself for her reaction. She gapes and splutters in response. Isn’t he too weak at the moment to know where she is? 

“What—how…how did you know?” Rey stammers.

Ben waffles on whether to tell her the truth, worried that it will hurt her in some way, and his thumbs idly rub her hands again as he thinks over his options. Perhaps he could claim to have gathered glimpses of her surroundings, or heard her mind think the name of the island. However, he had made a promise to her when they first met that he would always be honest with her, and he wasn’t about to break that promise now. Besides, he is incapable of successfully lying to her through the bond, and so he accepts the burden of crushing her spirit yet again.

“Because Luke told me,” he says hesitantly. Her sense of betrayal is evident immediately. Ben can feel her shock and hurt reverberate through the bond, and he winces in response to the emotions flying across her face. Rey’s mind is a flurry of jumbled thoughts and feelings again, the depth of which threatens to drown them both.

“ _When_ did he tell you this?” she finally grits out, averting her gaze and digging her nails into his palms, making him grimace slightly.

“A couple of days ago,” Ben replies quietly. He watches her clench her jaw and squeeze her eyes shut, and he can sense the darker feelings, disgust and rage, begin to roil deep within her and pass through their bond. She is making little attempt to control herself and her power is quickly becoming oppressive, suffocating them both. Frantically, Ben tries to push whatever light is passing through their connected fingers into her soul, trying to call her back to him. 

“It’s ok to feel that way. Just breathe through it. The darkness itself isn’t bad, it’s how you react to it. Suppressing it will only tear you apart, trust me, but you also can’t allow it to consume you,” Ben says urgently, trying to teach her how to control it, how to live with it. He waits for a few long seconds before saying, “It’s a part of who you are now, Rey. You have to accept that aspect of yourself if you want to truly be in control of your destiny.”

Rey glares at Ben with a look far colder and harder than the cell he sits in. 

“Why?” she spits at him. Ben doesn’t dare to make assumptions about the question this time.

“Why what?” he asks for clarification, flinching as she sneers at him and flings his hands out of her own.

“If Luke was the reason you became Kylo Ren and you’ve been so _kriffin’_ desperate to destroy everything and everyone from your past, why would he come to you in death to spill his secrets?” Rey practically screams at him. Ben can’t help but feel a bit confused at her seemingly misdirected ire. Here she is, both delving into the dark side freely and also being faced with her mortality, and yet she’s more upset by the fact that a member of his family reached out to him rather than her. It appears that she is becoming more unstable as her powers grow, Ben considers.

“He’s worried about you, Rey,” Ben asserts back, trying to maintain his own calm to set an example for her. “He thinks you need a teacher.” 

Rey’s face turns a shade of red that Ben didn’t know existed, her whole body trembling with rage. How _dare_ he. If Master Skywalker wasn’t dead already, there’s a good chance that she would’ve killed him herself.

“Oh, does he now?” she seethes, sweat beginning to bead on her brow. Ben can only watch her warily and hope that she doesn’t decide to begin testing the physical limitations of their Force bond. Instead, Rey grits out, “I need a minute to think. Alone.”

Setting his mouth into a firm line, Ben nods tensely and reaches for her, but Rey cuts the connection short, leaving him to grasp only at air. Standing in his cell, Ben is merely able to guess at what could be going through her mind and heart right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will mark the end of Part I and we'll start getting a lot more Reylo interaction...we're still in the fluff and angst stage though. Eventual smut, don't worry ;-)


	8. Chapter 8

Rey snaps out of the connection and storms off through the ancient temple and down the stone steps, porgs flapping out of her way. Before she makes it back to the huts, the sky opens up and pours on her, adding to her already foul mood. She reaches the stone shelter she’s claimed as her own and slams the door behind her, immediately falling into a pace across the dirt floor, quickly turning it to mud, as she tries to process everything that Ben had just confided in her. 

As much as a small part of her brain realizes that she’s being ridiculous and petty, Rey can’t keep from feeling furious that Luke has chosen to speak to Ben rather than her. Doesn’t the Jedi Master remember how lost she feels, how alone? How she had practically begged him to teach her the ways of the Force, and he denied her both in life and now slapped her in the face in his death. Only Ben has stepped up to offer her his knowledge, offer her a place by his side. 

“As a fellow tyrant, not as a…” Rey mutters, unable to complete the thought out loud. 

And now she’s also discovered that Hux wants both Ben and herself dead, along with all others like them. Throughout her entire life, she’s yearned only for acceptance and belonging, a place and a cause to call home and give her purpose. Now, all of that is threatened. Rey feels so betrayed and vulnerable that she finds herself shaking again, pacing faster and trying to fight back the bitter gloom of uncertainty and anger swelling inside of her.

_It’s ok to feel that way,_ Ben had told her, _the darkness itself isn’t bad._ Rey scoffs. Of course a Darksider would say that, would want her to harness its power. This is all an elaborate ploy of his to turn her to his side, she’s sure of it. What a fool she has been. Rey shakes her head and stomps her feet harder as she walks, attempting to beat back the shadows. She won’t let him win this. 

Inhaling deeply and slowing her tread, Rey attempts to call the light to her and wrap it around herself like a protective blanket. She reaches out to touch it with her mind, trying to draw its warmth into her soul. Instead, it eludes her, taunting its healing radiance before her face, yet denying her its comfort. No matter how hard she tries, Rey can’t grasp that healing brightness. She lets out a primal scream of frustration as she lurches for it, finding only the shadows of her parents, the elusive figures of Luke and Ben, and the venomous smirking face of General Hux. The pain is too great; this hatred feels like a balm to her soul, and so she doesn’t resist anymore. She allows the darkness to envelop her.

Fuming, Rey calls her quarterstaff to her and swings it wildly with a howl to clear a shelf of its items. She hears the distinct sound of Luke’s mangled saber pieces hitting the ground and a new kind of rage overtakes her. That damn lightsaber has been driving her insane. Stomping over to the remnants, she snatches up the crystal pieces and squeezes them for all she’s worth, seething through gritted teeth. She hates that broken rock, and she encourages the emotion to flow through her, wishing fervently that the stone feels as much agony as she does. She focuses all of her darkest emotions into her desire to destroy the kyber crystal, until all she sees is black. 

Rey doesn’t know how much time has passed before she feels a strange sensation works its way into her hand. Her palm gripping the crystal halves feels hot and slick. With the dark clouds clearing her vision, she opens her hand and gasps. The crystals are swimming in her blood-covered hand. Rey feels a fear that she’s never known before, a deep chill that works its way into the center of her bones, and it drives her to her knees.

“BEN!” she screams without thinking, desperately grabbing for his dark thread in her mind. “Ben, I need you! Please…” 

On the other side of a universe, Ben feels himself be tugged from within and he allows himself to tumble toward the sensation before finding himself in a small, damp hut. Rey is kneeling before him, head bowed and her frame shaking uncontrollably. Blood is dripping from her right hand and he senses his cleaved family’s crystal within it. Panic rising within him, he understands what has happened and drops to his knees in front of her. He swiftly grabs her head with both of his hands, tangling his fingers in her hair as she cries out in anguish. Summoning every ounce of whatever strength in the Force he has left, Ben presses his forehead against hers and closes his eyes, trying to pull the blackness out of her mind and into his. 

Realizing that there’s so much darkness between the two of them right now, Ben chooses to reach into Rey’s mind in an attempt to find her light, hoping to stoke it and restore the flame. Surely, even in this agonizing state, she holds more inner light than himself. Instead, he finds only a dim ember, its glow almost out, and he grudgingly accepts that she’s too far gone in the shadows and he’s too weakened to control her healing with his mind powers. He swallows hard, knowing what he has to do; he draws her into his memories. 

Rey feels a gentle tugging in her mind and she willingly gives herself over to it, opening her eyes to suddenly find herself on a lush, green planet. She can feel the familiar warmth of the sun beating down on her shoulders before she realizes that both of her hands are being held. She looks up on either side of her and sees Han and Leia smiling back down at her before they swing her up into the air and she squeals as she kicks at the sky. Her feet back on the ground and a grin from ear to ear, Han squats down before her and ruffles her suddenly short, black hair.

“Love ya, kid,” he says affectionately, a twinkle in his eye. Rey feels her heart swell, even as she realizes that it’s not her that Han is speaking to. She leans into him anyway, inwardly sobbing at the fatherly embrace she has craved her entire life. Finally feeling the love that had been absent from her childhood, Rey doesn’t want to let go, ever. 

Ben allows her to stay nuzzled into his chest and wrapped up in his arms for as long as she desires, nurturing the light that is returning to her soul and repeating the words, _just breathe,_ into her mind. The warmth of his embrace and strong beating of his heart encourages Rey to calm herself, to soothe her troubled mind and soul within his protection. He feels her melt further into him with each breath until he senses that her light is now strong enough to support herself again. Reluctantly, Ben begins to gently push her out of his mind and back into her own. As they return to themselves, Rey and Ben find that they are still cradled tightly in each other’s arms, tears staining both of their faces. They search each other’s eyes briefly before shakily pulling apart.

“Thank you,” Rey whispers, her voice filled with genuine appreciation, although she suddenly finds it difficult to meet his gaze. Ben nods in response, unable to find his voice just yet. A long silence passes between them as they feel the last of the storm dissipate.

“Was that…a Force meld?” Rey ventures quietly. Ben turns his face to find her eyes gazing softly at him. It makes his throat go dry.

“Yes, in a way,” he forces out. “I tried to enter your mind and draw on the light within you, but…” he trails off, unsure of how to continue.

“It wasn’t there,” Rey finishes for him faintly. She closes her eyes and Ben’s heart crumples when he sees how broken she looks. He fights the urge to take her back into his arms, to soothe her in his hold as he had done just moments before.

“It’s not your fault, Rey,” he says gently, wanting to comfort her in some way. Even though Rey is sniffling at his words and the ground, Ben can sense her resolve building, and he feels pride in her strength. She wipes the blood off the crystals that are still in her hand and reaches to collect the two halves of the lightsaber. 

“If you will still have me,” she states clearly, her composure calm and collected as she returns her now confident eyes back to his, offering him the pieces of the lightsaber with a tilt of her head, “I would like to be your apprentice, Master Solo.”

Ben’s pulse quickens and he feels a flutter in his stomach. _She believes in me_ he thinks in shock. He realizes that she very well may be the only person in the galaxy that has ever fully trusted him, and the thought that this incredible woman is willing to allow him to teach her is both humbling and terrifying. He looks down at his family’s saber in her hands and slowly reaches out to take the the remnants from her. The crystals are warm and comfortable in his palm, the hilt pieces cool and capable. Ben swears a silent oath to himself then and there that he won’t let her down, or the legacy of his family. Not this time, because he has found his true purpose at last.

“I would be honored to train you, Rey,” Ben says solemnly, staring deeply into those hazel eyes before shaking his head. “But not as your master. Only as your equal.” The lines around her eyes crinkle and Ben realizes that she’s smiling at him; a beautiful, genuine smile that is full of light. It takes his breath away and he eventually becomes aware that he’s looking at her dumbly, mouth slightly agape. He blushes and snaps his jaw shut.

“So when do we begin?” she asks. Ben can’t help the small grin that crosses his face.

“How about now?” he suggests. “I presume you’d like a functional lightsaber.” Rey is positively beaming at him and Ben feels an emotion sweep over him that he hasn’t experienced in years: joy. In a flash of heady realization, he finally admits to himself that he needs this woman in his life, needs her to keep himself whole. Idly rolling the crystal halves over and over in his hand, he wonders if Rey feels the same way.

“Yes, certainly,” the woman in front of him responds just as the thought crosses his mind, her words making his eyelids flutter in surprise before realizing the question he had just asked her mere seconds before. Rey can sense the slight disappointment ripple through the bond and finds herself momentarily confused, but then Ben pushes the hilt pieces into her hands, distracting her.

“You’ll be needing these back,” he says and as simply as that, Rey’s examination of his sentiments is deftly pushed aside. She looks between the cool metal in her palms and the broken kyber clutched in his. Furrowing her brow, she feels confident that she can mend her half of the weapon, but she’s curious as to how Ben intends to repair his part. 

“The crystal doesn’t need to be fixed, the weapon just needs to be altered,” Ben responds to her look of confusion, nodding to the pieces in her hand. “I seem to remember that you’re rather intimidating with that staff of yours.” Rey’s eyes light up at the prospect of his suggestion.

“Can lightsabers have dual blades?” Rey asks, hardly bothering to conceal her breathless excitement. 

“It’s been done before,” Ben responds deftly, and Rey quirks an eyebrow at him. He clears his throat before continuing. “I presume you have the staff with you?”

“Of course,” she snorts back. “It never leaves my side,” and she reaches over to retrieve it before handing it to him. Examining it closely, Ben notes that the staff is slightly thinner than the lightsaber hilt, and therefore better suited to Rey’s grip. The hard metal ends of the staff already have a remarkable resemblance to lightsaber hilts that he’s familiar with, and Ben feels a flutter of excitement at his hunch becoming a real possibility.

“Can you disassemble it?” he asks.

“Umm…yes,” Rey replies hesitantly, her stomach turning into knots.

“Do it then,” Ben prompts, perhaps a bit too eagerly for Rey’s taste, for he catches her glare and shrivels under it. He mutters more apologetically, “Sorry, I just have an idea.” 

Rey nods curtly and begins to twist and pull the pieces apart, almost feeling as if she’s wringing her own heart out. How many times has this staff saved her life? After an emotionally painful few minutes with her work complete, she sets the pieces down between them and joins Ben in his examination of the metal odds and ends. Ben’s eyes light up at the assortment before him and he places the two crystals in the pile as well before looking up at Rey’s anxious face. 

“The construction of a lightsaber is rather straightforward, but exhausting,” he states to her. “All you have to do is reach out and will the Force to create what you see in your mind. The hilt will be made first, and then the kyber halves will be placed after you’ve meditated on them. This kyber may have called to you, but it’s not entirely yours yet. It needs to get to know who you are deep inside, and you will show it through the Force.”

“Oh,” Rey says while looking down at the pieces. “That seems a little too…simple.” Ben barks a laugh, startling Rey.

“It’s anything but,” he responds. “You will be exhausted by the time it’s done. It can take days of uninterrupted meditation to complete.” Rey’s eyes bulge in response to those words and Ben continues, “You may want to have some food already waiting for you after your work is complete.” Nodding her agreement, Rey takes a deep breath before a shadow of worry scampers across her face.

“What if the blade is red?” she asks in a tiny voice and Ben feels a pang within him. She doesn’t want to be associated with the Dark Side and he wonders if she’ll always look upon his blade with disgust.

“Then it’s red,” Ben says quietly, simply. Eyes slowly drifting back down to the ground, Rey accepts his answer with a subtle nod.

“I have a number of ration packs already,” Rey says absently before huffing out a slow breath.

“Then I’ll leave you to it,” Ben says and Rey’s eyes dart back up to his face, panic dancing in them. Reaching over, Ben places a confident hand on her shoulder. “You can do this, Rey.” She bites her bottom lip and searches his eyes deeply before nodding once and severing the connection, leaving Ben in his hard cell, alone and cold once more. 

***  
Immediately after leaving Ben, the silence becomes deafening and Rey notices the dankness of the hut for the first time. His absence is not conducive to her meditative mind in the hut, so she chooses to gather up the pieces of her soon-to-be lightsaber and a couple of ration packs and hikes to the Jedi Temple. After arranging the metal and crystals on the stone before her and practically inhaling some food from her rations, she settles herself cross-legged on the stone where she first learned to meditate, watching the suns slowly begin their descent toward the sea, and begins to map out in her mind her ideal weapon.

It was odd at first. Rey would envision a beautiful prototype of a specialized staff, but then something in her mind would scramble it, point out its flaws, and she’d have to start over. This went on for hours on end; creating, scrutinizing, feeling, editing, recreating, until finally an elegant, perfectly balanced hilt swims before her mind’s eye. Rey gasps at its perfection and reaches out, as if to grab it herself. Slowly, the required pieces lift from the rock before her, floating in the air and spinning themselves into their respective places, melding to each other with the help of the Force.

Suddenly, the crystals smack into Rey’s open palm and she draws in a quick, worried breath at their coolness. She closes her fingers around them and at first, she is at a loss as to what to do next. Ben had told her to let them see what made her, _her,_ so Rey steadies her breathing and starts at the beginning. She shows the kyber her abandonment, her undying hope, her conflicted feelings about her present place within the Resistance, with Ben, within the universe. She tries her best to show the halves everything about what makes her whole, and slowly, so slowly, the crystals begin to warm in her hands. Heart hammering, Rey releases them from her grip and feels them move through the Force and into her weapon. 

And then she senses it all at once. Her work is complete. With a gasp, Rey’s eyes fly open and she slumps over, almost falling off of her perch on the boulder. The suns were now rising behind her and she blinks at them curiously. How much time had passed? She glances down by her side and there is her new saberstaff, practically singing to her. Her hands only shaking slightly, she picks up the weapon and marvels at how perfectly weighted it feels in her grip, how exquisitely suited to her hand. She twirls it around a few times and grins widely at its feel, but hesitates to turn it on just yet. She wants Ben to be there for that.

Excitedly, forgetting even to eat, she falls back into meditation and quickly finds Ben in his cell on the other side of the galaxy. He was still sleeping and Rey rushes over to him, shaking him enthusiastically.

“Ben,” she cries, not caring how much like a child she sounds at the moment. “Wake up, wake up! It’s done.” He jolts upright, hair a disheveled mess and eyes still bleary, but the crumpled mess of a man only serves to endear him further to Rey.

“Already?” he questions, his voice still deep and thick with sleep, making Rey shiver unexpectedly at the sound. Rubbing his eyes, he locks his tired gaze with her exhilarated one before it falls to the impressive hilt in her hand. It’s nearly as long as her arm and a deep bronze, the curves and angles of the grip and ends suggesting a dance between hard lines and soft shapes. Its beauty almost matches that of its owner, and he suddenly finds himself wide awake and anxious to see her creation. Running a hand through his hair, he prompts her. “Let’s see it then.”

Rey quickly obliges and holds the staff out before her, her whole body slightly quivering in anticipation. Blinking rapidly a few times and sucking in a deep breath, she pushes the ignition button and a reassuring hum fills the cell, casting it in a deep violet hue. Both Rey and Ben gape at the weapon, its energy pulsing around them, its power palpable in the air. Rey twirls it around, running through a few forms and relishing in its feel.

“May I?” Ben asks quietly, his palms facing up before him in supplication. Rey doesn’t hesitate to hand it to him. “It’s perfect,” Ben breathes softly, admiring the saberstaff in his hands and testing its balance point and giving it a couple of spins. Looking back at her, awe filling his eyes, he whispers, “It’s you.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had been struggling to write this chapter for weeks, even skipping over it with the intention of returning to it eventually. It was initially supposed to be one of those boring, yet necessary, "filler" chapters that I just couldn't bring myself to write. Finally, one morning I just woke up and said, what the hell...let's make this angsty. So here ya go, your first semi-explicit taste of these two! I think this may also be my longest chapter yet :-)
> 
> It may be helpful to review what has happened up until this point since I know that I don't post very consistently. Basically, we've got 2 star-crossed lovebirds who have moved through the enemy and tentative truce stage and into the "comfortable with and interested in each other" stage of their relationship.
> 
> Also, be prepared for our boy to swing from sweet to dominant, back to sweet, then end furious and filled with remorse. Buckle up, kids!

“You should rest more,” Ben says to Rey slowly, concern etching his voice even though he already knows that she’ll refuse his advice. As predicted, Rey shakes her head vehemently and scoffs through mouthfuls of her ration pack at the man sitting next to her in a tiny, cold cell. Swiping at some errant crumbs on her face, she reminds him yet again that she _did_ rest; that she had, in fact, indulged in a two-hour nap in her dank stone hut after showing off her lightsaber to him. Ben sighs and rolls his eyes, finally admitting defeat and acknowledging that this is not an argument he’s going to win.

“Besides,” Rey states matter-of-factly around a tough piece of stale bread, her cheeks puffing out somewhat similarly to that of a porg’s, “aren’t you due for a certain special injection any time now?” 

“Yes,” Ben exhales in a huff, his shoulders slumping. He despises those daily sedatives. Every time he starts to feel the slightest tingling of the Force returning to his body, some First Order medical personnel visit his cell and stab the drugs into him, deadening his senses yet again, leaving him in the vacant darkness of what must feel like the body and mind of a regular human. Ben can feel the Force slowly slinking its way through his veins now, reaching for him, pulling him towards her. How badly he yearns to feel that power fully coursing through him again.

“Well, let’s put a stop to that, shall we?” Rey responds brightly. “Teach me how to Force meld. But remind me again of what exactly it is we’ll be doing…” her expression only slightly tinged with trepidation. Ben crooks a half-smile at her. She was so driven by excitement, yet equally thirsty for knowledge, and he found the combination alluring.

“We’ll be joining our two separate minds into one entity, myself in this case, which will allow us to fluidly exchange thoughts and enhance our powers,” he responds, noting the flicker of anxiousness in her eyes. Rey nods back at him and hums softly to herself, chewing lightly on her bottom lip.

“And we do that how?” she asks cautiously, remembering how less than a couple of days ago she was eased out of Ben’s mind to find herself wrapped up in his arms, their tear-stained faces pressed together. He had saved her from her own darkness then by drawing her into his light, and he had held her there, keeping her safe and warm in his embrace. She shivers at the memory, but can’t for the life of her remember how she first got into his mind in the first place. Ben shifts his body to face her and cocks his head thoughtfully.

“I’m not entirely sure,” he admits quietly, his eyes searching her face, only pausing to linger on her lips and hair. Rey swallows hard and scoots her body around to face his, her movements seeming to snap Ben out of his study of her face.

“Well, how did you do it before?” she questions, trying to keep her voice steady and a blush from touching her cheeks. Ben seems to consider her before his eyes grow distant, obviously thinking back to the moment. 

“You were in so much pain,” and his brow furrows at the recent memory that clearly still troubled him as well. “You were on your knees before me, screaming and crying, blood coating your hand,” he broke off, shutting his eyes against the image. Setting his jaw, he continued confidently, “I wanted to take it all away, or else share in it with you.”

Rey swallows hard at his confession. The most feared man in the galaxy wanted to take her anguish on himself, to spare her of some of the worst pain she’d ever experienced in her life. She didn’t know what to think of that.

“I dropped down next to you,” Ben continues, shaking her free of her thoughts. He looks at her nervously. 

“I touched you,” Ben says softly as he reaches a hand towards her, cupping the side of her head gently and tangling his fingers in her hair. Her breath catches in her throat and her vision begins to spin as she feels him exhale deeply, seemingly in relief, or maybe it was gratification. All of a sudden, a mischievous light flickers across his face, one side of his mouth quickly rising and falling.

“No,” Ben mutters more to himself than to her, lightly shaking his head, “it was more like this,” and Rey gasps as Ben reaches for her with the other hand now, drawing her to him so swiftly that she finds herself on her knees before his seated figure, her tunic slipping off one of her shoulders, exposing it to the cold of his room. Her hands are gripping tightly onto his wrists to keep from tumbling into his chest, even though she’s not entirely sure that would be a bad thing. His fingers pull almost harshly in her hair now as his thumbs softly rub along her jawline, his eyes boring into hers as she whimpers beneath him from his intensity, her lips lightly parted and suddenly, desperately wanting something they’ve never experienced before.

“You didn’t resist me at all,” he says, his voice gravelly and hitched, and the pit of Rey’s stomach flutters. Why would she resist him, how could she? Doubt and confusion begin to creep into her heart. Perhaps she shouldn’t be so trusting, so desirous.

“Close your eyes,” Ben commands deeply, the deep tenor of his voice making Rey’s skin break out in gooseflesh and her spine tingle warmly as she settles back on her heels. Yet her defiant eyes refuse to obey his order, as she’s made up her mind that she will push back against his demands, at least at first. 

Observing this change in her demeanor, Ben quirks an eyebrow at her and shifts himself onto his knees as well, never loosening the grip he has around the back of her head. He towers over her again and breaks the eye contact of his own accord, choosing to pointedly allow his gaze to roam down her throat and sweep over her breasts. Rey can’t stop herself from trembling and Ben watches with excitement as a flush works its way up from her chest to her throat to her face. A small smile crosses his lips and Rey catches a devilish glint in his eye.

“You want this,” he breathes heavily. Rey grimaces at that truth, silently cursing at her body for giving her away. Unwilling to back down completely just yet, Rey raises herself up onto her knees as well, trying to close the height distance between them, a dangerous fire burning in her eyes.

“Don’t forget that I’m the only one with powers at the moment,” Rey whispers breathily. Ben smirks at her words, hungrily staring at her quivering lips. He doesn’t need powers to know how badly Rey longs to be kissed, possessed, by him. And her boldness stirs something dark and delicious within him.

“You may have the powers,” Ben concedes in a rumbling murmur, tracing his fingers lightly down her neck to her still exposed shoulder, reveling in the way she is shaking under his touch, “but I’m the one in control.” 

At those words, Rey’s body finally falters, the heat in her core making her dizzy and forcing her to melt back toward the ground. One of Ben’s hands quickly snakes down and around her waist, hoisting her torso flush against his, the pounding of her heart beating against him. A soft moan escapes from Rey then, and she looks up at him with hooded eyes, her hands exploring the breadth and muscles of his chest. 

Her gaze and touch awaken something buried deep within Ben and before he can suppress it, his other hand that’s still in her hair yanks her head back, exposing her throat and forcing a cry to break free from her lips. Like a man starved, Ben’s mouth nips and nibbles, licks and sucks at her neck and Rey quakes against him, her fingers frantically clawing at his dark hair as he moves lower to the dip between her clavicle, pulling him closer to her flushed chest as Ben digs his own fingers deeper into her.

“Ben…” Rey pants, trying to pull his face back up to hers, straining to place her lips somewhere, anywhere, on his body. But he denies her unspoken request. He needs to prove to himself that he has this kind of effect on her as well, that she is as powerless to him as he is to her.

“I told you to close your eyes,” he growls, dangerously close to the sensitive patch of flesh on her neck just beneath her ear. Rey finally obeys and her lids flutter shut as Ben feels her body slump in his arms. A warm glow of satisfaction flows through Ben as he feels Rey give up her resistance to him. She is willingly his.

“That’s it,” he sighs huskily against her, pressing light kisses against her jaw until his lips hover just above hers, his soft breath tickling her mouth. Still bent slightly backwards in his arms, Ben feels Rey strain her neck slightly, trying to close the final distance between them. Ben moves his fingers to lay against her lips in an effort to stop her, and immediately regrets the decision. 

Her lips are soft and supple and exploring his fingers, slowly sucking them in to her mouth and rolling her tongue around their tips. The warmth of her mouth makes Ben tremble and groan and he squeezes his eyes shut, dropping his forehead to hers as his body stiffens while Rey’s begins to surge with power and need. Head swimming, Ben knows he has to put a stop to this now before they both lose all semblance of control. 

With a grunt, he pushes his large frame against her smaller one, easily overtaking her as he gathers her snugly in his arms. Rey’s hands clutch at his tunic as he lays them down side by side on the concrete bench of his cell. Initially struggling against their change in position, she finally accepts that they have to put an end to their heated exploration of each other and with a huff, she relents and settles slightly in his arms. 

“I hate you,” she mumbles into him, her voice muffled by the cloth she finds to be annoyingly separating them. Ben smooths her mussed up hair, taking in great sucks of air to calm himself even though he can feel her still bristling against him.

“I know,” he agrees, unable to prevent a touch of sadness from shading his voice. Rey’s brow furrows and she pushes far enough away from him to finally lock her eyes with his, searching their depths. She sees fear and passion and regret looking back at her. Reaching over, she gently traces the scar she gave him months ago, its pale line almost disappearing into his milky skin. Ben captures her hand and presses a chaste kiss into her palm, rolling onto his back and pulling her on top of his body.

“I didn’t mean that,” Rey whispers to him. Ben says nothing in response, instead focusing on his breath and her reassuring weight on top of him. Remorse tears through Rey and she feels her body begin to crumple, trying to bury the heat of her shame and remorse in the crook of his neck.

“Don’t,” Ben says gently as he guides her chin up to meet his gaze again. She stares back at him, willing him to understand just how much she regrets those words, how so very untrue they are. Rey suddenly pushes herself up atop him, straddling his stomach and looking down at him with a curious determination, her palms still pressed firmly into his shoulders. Ben’s hands instinctively drop down to the curve of her waist, and he stares back at her, refusing to shy away from how vulnerable he feels at this moment.

Hesitantly, Rey begins to lean in to him again, her eyes never leaving his lips. Ben doesn’t stop her this time. He surrenders willingly to her curiosity, his body going lax beneath her as she runs her fingers through the dark strands of his hair, her name escaping his lips in a sigh as she peppers firm kisses from his jaw to the corner of his mouth. Rey pauses only briefly, her eyelashes fluttering against his cheek, before sinking her lips to his. 

The world around him goes hazy and spins, making Ben hold onto her waist more firmly as he tastes her fully for the first time. She tastes of sun and salt spray, her mouth both sweet and wild. Her tongue dips down, begging entry to his mouth, and Ben complies immediately. They explore each other for awhile longer, their movements slow and gentle, purposeful and passionate, until finally Rey pulls away to look down at him. Her breathing has steadied and her eyes are clear, radiant.

“I’m ready now, Ben,” she says confidently and he nods back at her, a hand returning to her the back of her neck and a look of reverence painted on his face as he draws her down to his chest.

“Breathe,” he encourages her, gently rubbing her back as he matches his breath to hers. “Just let go.”

Rey allows herself to be lulled by the deep pitch of his voice, her eyes closing and mind going blank, searching through the Force for the soul’s presence beneath her. She finds his thread of darkness and grasps it, just as she feels a pull from within her. Giving herself over to it, Rey experiences a wave of refreshing coolness wash through her and her eyes fly open at how real it feels. 

She finds herself staring at the ceiling, a sense of relief and power flooding her body. A pair of large hands appears above her then, small blue splinters of light crackling between the fingers, both mesmerizing and terrifying her.

“It worked,” a voice much deeper than her own says into the now almost empty cell and a sense of amazement pervades her. Sitting up, the hands continue to play with the miniature lightning, a smile creeping across her face. _His_ face, she reminds herself.

“This feels…incredible,” Ben says in awe. He feels limitless; more powerful than he could’ve ever dreamed, more balanced than he had ever hoped for. “Do you feel it, too?”

 _Yes,_ Rey pushes the thought into their mind, also reeling from the sensation. How strange it is, to be communicating in this form, and yet how at peace she feels with it. She wonders idly what her body is doing back on Ahch-To. Is it seated in meditation, or lying prone on the ground? Just then, they hear footsteps approaching the cell, snapping her out of her thoughts. Ben tucks his hands away and takes a deep breath.

 _Ready?_ He asks her.

 _Ready as I’ll ever be,_ she responds as the door opens jarringly, permitting two medical officers and four Stormtroopers to crowd into the already too-small space.

 _Why so many?_ Rey wonders.

 _I have a reputation for misbehaving,_ and Ben smirks despite himself. It gives him a certain sense of satisfaction to know that he still intimidates the hell out of these people even with his reduced powers. Before Rey can sarcastically respond, they both feel a tremor in the Force and Ben’s attention snaps back to the only opening in his cell.

“Well, don’t you look particularly happy today?” a voice sneers from behind the Stormtroopers, causing the soldiers to jump from the suddenness and proximity of the voice. They quickly part to allow the man through, having to step just outside of the door to make room. Rey feels Ben’s entire body go white-hot with rage and her fists clench painfully.

 _Is that…?_ She begins.

 _Hux,_ Ben somehow manages to spit into their mind. _"Supreme Leader" Hux, now._ Ben allows Rey access to all that he knows about the man, from his implementation of the Stormtrooper program to his terrifying glee and pride at the destruction of the Hosnian Prime System. Rey feels nauseated at the amount of information she suddenly knows about this cunning and cruel man.

“Is it daytime?” Ben responds lightly, refusing to grant the former general any hint of the concern that he so desperately wants to see in Ben’s eyes. Hux’s nostrils flare and his lips curl back in disgust. Satisfied that he won this round, Ben continues, “To what do I owe the pleasure of a personal visit?”

The former general sniffs and clasps his hands behind his back, gazing disdainfully around the cell before raising his chin proudly in the air. Rey has a sudden, and very strong, desire to tear into this man’s gloating face.

“I was just stopping by to see how you’re handling the passing of your mother,” Hux responds, a sickening grin twisting his pasty face. He puts on a mocking expression of deep pity before he continues. “You seemed so terribly distraught over her death.”

Without his permission, Ben’s arm flings up and his fingers curl into a menacing grip, his entire body shaking in concentration.

 _What are you doing?_ He practically screams into their mind, his face contorting with the effort to overcome his other half.

 _Trying to choke the life out of this little piece of Bantha fodder,_ Rey grits back at him, trying desperately to wrap the tendrils of the Force around the red head’s scrawny neck.

 _Stop, Rey! This is what he wants, this is why he’s here,_ Ben presses urgently back. _He’s testing me. If I fail and he suspects that my powers are returning, he’ll either double down on his efforts to suppress them or move up my execution._

The haze of Rey’s wrath begins to fade as the realization of the truth of his words sinks in. Slowly, Ben’s arm lowers back to his side, his eye twitching in stress and defeat. Hux makes a show of running his hand around the collar of his uniform, taking a deep breath and exhaling freely, a victorious smile splashed across his face.

“Hmm, nothing,” he quips lightly, taking a step closer to the former Supreme Leader before his expression morphs into something truly ugly. Armitage looks up into Ben’s flashing eyes and hisses, “ _You_ are _nothing_ now. Merely an orphan with a bad temper and a galaxy that despises him.” 

With those parting words, he spins on his heel to exit the prison cell, but not before spitting at the medical officers to double this day’s dose. After the despicable man has left, Ben sways and sits down heavily on his hard bench. The doctors eye the syringe and draw more sedative into the vial, before swiftly approaching the sulking, dark mass.

“You will not give me the injection,” Ben deadpans into the space between them, easily influencing their feeble minds. The officers stop their advance and blink dumbly at him. “You will falsify the records of the administration of my sedative.”

The head medical officer turns to his subordinate and parrots back, “We will not administer the injection and we will falsify the records.” The lower ranking officer nods once and turns to his notepad, scribbling feverishly. Ben sighs and extends his mental reach to touch the minds of the Stormtroopers still barricading the door.

“You will have no memory of what took place here,” Ben drones. “Dismissed, soldiers.” The troopers snap to attention and turn smartly on their heels, marching down the hall with the medical officers following closely behind, slamming the door in their wake. Ben drops his head into his hands, rubbing harshly at his eyes. Practically shoving her out of his mind, Rey suddenly appears next to him, her expression dazed and offended. 

A long silence stretches between them, Ben too furious to speak and Rey too timid to break the quiet. Unable to stand it any longer though, Rey reaches over to place her hand gently on his shoulder. Immediately, Ben shrugs it off gruffly and pushes himself to his feet, leaving Rey to look up at him, confusion etching her brow. She understands that he’s upset, but why is he pushing her away?

“You need to leave,” he says coldly, his back to her. Shaking her head, Rey’s own anger begins to swell and she launches herself up after him, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him to face her and then promptly pushing him backwards, fury burning in her eyes. How dare he kick her out so unceremoniously after everything they’ve just been through together, after she gave in to both his and her desires.

“No, you need to open up to me,” she practically shouts at him, not caring about the echoes bouncing around them. Ben’s chest puffs and a shadow passes over his face before he advances so menacingly on Rey that she stumbles backwards until she’s against a wall of his cell. His eyebrow raises at her reaction to him.

“You see?” he hisses at her. “You still don’t trust me.”

Before she can stop herself, Rey slaps him hard across the face, her bottom lip quivering from the storm of emotions roiling inside her. Ben stands there stunned, gaping at her, unsure of how to react. 

“I had never trusted anyone,” she says hoarsely before he can come up with a response to her, choking back tears. “Much less let anyone touch me.”

With those words, Ben understands what he’s just done to her. His anger disappears and is immediately replaced with shame.

“Rey, I…” he starts, wanting badly to apologize for his behavior, but she cuts him off.

“No, you’re right,” she spits at him. “I need to leave.”

And she fades away before his eyes, leaving him to slam his palm into the durasteel wall, over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So whatcha think? How quickly will Rey forgive Ben, or Ben forgive himself? In his defense, he did just have a pretty rough encounter with that sniveling general.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our first real smut is here, finally earning that explicit rating along with adding a few tags!! I took another *slight* detour from the plot, but these two just can't keep their thoughts or mouths off of each other ;-) Enjoy!

Standing in the middle of her dark hut, the burning waves of anger leave her immediately as she sinks to her knees, shivering in the suffocating space of her stone dwelling and constricted throat. She feels listless, lost, desperately struggling against the deep-seated loneliness now tearing through her soul, as if a piece of herself has been ripped away and carelessly tossed across the stars. Hot tears stream down her face and Rey holds herself tightly, but no warmth will come from her arms, no sense of completion can be held within them. She hangs her head in despair, the sting of her slapping him still throbbing in her palm and her heart.  
Suddenly, Rey feels something like a soft tug from within her, so gentle that she’s not sure it even happened. It comes again though and she recognizes it as him reaching out to her, asking for permission to be with her.

She denies him, building up her walls to keep him out, but not before she grasps her end of their thread and gives it a gentle squeeze, letting Ben know that she’s no longer furious with him. She’s just not ready to face him again yet, to confront those acted upon yet unspoken feelings for him. Understanding, remorse, and shame flash through the bond in response and she accepts his apology before closing herself off from him again. She hadn’t been lying; she _does_ need to leave.

Sniffling just a bit, Rey pushes up off the dirt floor and wraps her cloak around her shoulders, clipping her newly constructed lightsaber to her belt and grabbing the small sack of her belongings. The first sun reaches its tendrils of light through the small window as Rey spins around slowly to scan the hut one last time. Satisfied that she’s leaving no trace of herself behind, she takes a deep breath and pushes open the door, stepping into the damp air of dawn.

Rey can’t help but smile lightly at her surroundings, despite being sad that she’s leaving for now. So many greens and blues, cooling freshness and cosmic energy made her hold this island dear to her heart. A small thrill of excitement works its way into as she remembers that this is not farewell for good; no, the next time she’ll be here, she’ll be here with _him._

The anticipation makes her heart flutter and gives her the strength to begin the steep descent to the Falcon. On the trek down, she wonders idly if there’s enough room for two in a single hut. After all, she isn’t sure if she could handle being so close to Ben in the flesh and _not_ being held by him. The cots are so small though, and the dwellings so close together. Rey blushes at the thought of the Knights overhearing anything, and her embarrassment at even thinking of the possibility of true intimacy with Ben makes her walk faster to the freighter, trying to escape the the image of their tangled bodies and the subsequent heat she feels between her legs. How did a single kiss awaken this fierce carnal need inside of her? 

Rey practically smacks into the side of the Falcon, so overcome with sensual thoughts swimming through her mind that she hardly realizes she’s arrived at her destination. Chewie tilts his head at her curiously from the cockpit before the ramp descends, allowing her access to the ship. A porg family happily wanders in with her and scouts out an available location for their brood. Rey can’t help but note that the legendary, mighty Falcon is steadily being overtaken by relatively graceless blobs of birds. She chuckles at the thought of Han being witness to this atrocity, but then her smile vanishes at the memory of the atrocity that happened to him.

_What am I doing?_ She thinks wildly. _How_ can _I trust him?_

A roar of exasperation from Chewie draws her out of her disquieting thoughts. The porgs must be infiltrating the cockpit again. Rey rushes to the front and helps the Wookie clear the chairs and instrument panels of the very excitable birds, quickly twisting together chewed through essential wires until they spark back to life and function.

“See?” Rey says to him brightly. “No big deal. All fixed.”

Chewie simply stares at her, unimpressed, as a particularly chubby porg flaps up and settles on his head. The Wookie howls in frustration, swiping at the top of his head with a furry paw and the nuisance takes the hint, fluttering away with indignant chirps. Rey and Chewie finally settle into their respective chairs and begin the pre-flight check, testing various control functions and flicking several toggles, making sure that everything is in proper working order. Chewie glances over and grumbles something to Rey.

“Yes, I am tired,” she concedes. He returns a sympathetic growl, to which Rey huffs out a laugh. “No, it wasn’t the porgs. Look!” she says excitedly, reaching for her lightsaber. Chewie leans back in his seat and purrs his approval, impressed by her craftsmanship. He has never seen such a remarkable hilt, he informs her. Rey blushes lightly at his awe, her eyes fluttering bashfully to the ground. She still isn’t used to people looking at her that way, as something more than a mere scavenger.

“Let’s get to Chandrila, shall we?” Rey smiles to Chewie, leaning over to fire up the engines and lift the ship off the island, guiding it into space, pointing it towards what was once its home. After entering hyperspace and setting the autopilot, the Wookie gently suggests to Rey that she get some sleep. She gratefully agrees, heading back to the much larger bed of the Falcon and collapsing on it, falling almost immediately into a deep slumber. Before she can drift off though, images of a marble-cut chest, pillow soft lips, and long, warm fingers tease her mind and stoke the flames deep within her core.

*****

Ben sits heavily on his hard bench, despondent and grim, his hand bloody, bruised, and swollen. Looking down at it idly, he knows that it’s broken. After he realized just how deeply he had hurt Rey, the guilt was too much to bear without some form of release. The reminder that he didn’t deserve her, that his presence in her life only brought her pain, was simply too agonizing to keep bottled up. So instead he throttled away at the confines of his cell, until his flesh split against the durasteel and his bones cracked and blood smeared down his hand and the wall.

Slowly, the adrenaline from his outburst begins to drain away, leaving Ben feeling beyond exhausted. But he can’t sleep yet. No, he needs to see her or at the very least, feel her, again. So he reaches out across the stars to the one that shines brightest for him, pleading with Rey to let him in. He was expecting her rejection, but it still makes him wince. Thankful that she at least accepted his apology and relieved to feel that she was no longer angry with him, Ben manages to fall into a fitful sleep on the concrete slab.

It isn’t long before he finds himself in a dream, walking a long corridor of a ship he hasn’t set foot on since childhood. The ship he had hoped to inherit one day. A stab of regret tears through his heart and he shuts his eyes tight against the emotion, willing the anguish away. But then he senses it. He senses _her_ and her need for him, and his head snaps back up, eyes darting this way and that. Turning confidently now in the direction of the sleeping quarters, Ben strides toward her unspoken call. His footsteps don’t echo and he moves like a shadow until he finds himself before her door. 

Yes, he knows that she is definitely on the other side of it. Closing his eyes and groaning inwardly, Ben rests his forehead on the cold panel. How can he open a door that might not want to open in his dreams? He can’t help but worry that if he tries, the door will simply disappear or worse, he’ll wake up and be even farther away from Rey than he is now. 

_“Ben…”_ a soft voice sighs, and his eyes fly open. It’s dark now and Ben momentarily panics, afraid that he woke up in his own quarters until he remembers that the lights never turn off in his cell. Standing silently in a corner, hardly daring to breathe, Ben lets his eyes adjust to the dark. Slowly, he begins to make out the shape of a bed across the room, quiet moans coming from its tangled sheets. 

“Ben, _please…_ ” her voice whimpers again, making his throat go dry and his member twitch. Ever since the Takodona Forest, he’s had erotic dreams of her before, has pleasured himself countless times to the thought of possessing her, but this feels different. In his fantasies, he often has her on her knees in the snow before him, her pretty little mouth stuffed full with his raging cock and his cum dripping hot and thick down her throat. Or he’s strapped her back into the interrogation chair, playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse, as he attempts to fuck the information out of her and she refuses to break, a wicked, snarling grin spreading across her face with every feverish thrust.

No, this dream is different. He doesn’t want to dominate her this time. He wants to worship her. He needs to. Swallowing hard, Ben crosses the room silently, stopping to stand over the bed and watch her writhe in her desire for him. Her need for him is so strong, so palpable in the air, that he can’t help but release his throbbing cock from his pants and stroke it with his uninjured hand as he reaches into her own dream, trying to discover how exactly she needs him to pleasure her. 

His mouth. She needs his tongue and lips on her dripping wet pussy, his fingers curling inside of her and soaked in her fluids. The vision into her most secret world makes Ben groan, and he pumps himself harder and faster, allowing his head to fall back and temporarily just enjoy this sensation. He quickly becomes aware though that Rey has gone silent beneath him and looks down to see her wide eyes staring at his impressive length. Ben can’t help but smirk; he loves the way she gets flustered every time she sees a new, naked part of him.

“One day, this is going to do so many things to you,” he purrs down to her, far more confident of his sexual prowess in this dream state than in waking life. He sinks to his knees next to her side of the bed and continues his taunting in a ragged whisper. “It’ll gag you, it’ll have you scream for mercy, it will make you beg for more…” 

Ben can hear Rey’s breathing become erratic and can feel the heat of her embarrassment and desire radiate off of her, can sense the quivering through the bed. Her trepidation emboldens him further and rips the sheet off of her naked form, dragging her to the edge of the mattress with a startled yelp so that she sits before him.

“But for now,” he starts to say almost casually, his voice deep and heady, as he lifts her legs onto his shoulders and bows his head to suckle and bite at one of her hard nipples. She gasps in both fear and excitement as he breaks the suction and looks at her, his eyes black and dangerously wild, and he growls, “I’m going to eat you alive. I’m going to devour you, Rey, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Do you understand me?” 

And he pushes her down on the bed, securing her wrists at her side with his forearms before he dives down to her pulsing core, his tongue reaching out to greedily lap up the juices seeping out of her pink lips. Rey cries out above him, her legs shaking uncontrollably on top of his broad shoulders and Ben loses all control. He buries his face in her pussy, sucking and licking and moaning at her taste and the sounds she’s making. 

Withdrawing his tongue from her slit, he flicks it up over her clit now and she bucks into him with a sharp cry of ecstasy, making him smile against this newly discovered button of pleasure. He swirls his tongue around the spot experimentally, alternately sucking it out and tickling it with the tip of his tongue. Her moans get louder and more desperate and he feels a surge of fluids begin trickling down his chin, reminding him of the other part of her fantasy.

Ben releases the wrist being held down with his good arm and moves his hand to her entrance. Slowly pushing a thick finger into her tight center, he relishes in her heated wetness, _all for him._ He crooks his finger into her walls, beckoning her climax into his mouth. Rey complies, tangling her now free hand in his hair and moving her hips in rhythm to the ministrations of his finger and tongue, until she starts to come undone with an animalistic moan. With a final thrust of his hand and flick of his tongue, Rey arches her back as she tumbles over the edge and soaks his face with her orgasm. Her screams of his name fill Ben with both indescribable pride and uncontrollable lust as she gyrates her body to the last waves of pleasure washing over her, desperately holding his head between her legs for a few more delicious seconds.

Her climax having run its course, Rey collapses back fully onto the bed, releasing her grip on Ben and sucking in great breaths of air, her chest heaving with the effort. Still kneeling between her legs, Ben removes his finger from her pulsing pussy and looks her directly in the eye as he sucks it clean, making Rey shiver at the sight. He wipes his face of her juices and uses that same hand to stroke his painfully hard cock. It feels like he could explode at any second and he squeezes his eyes shut, ready to find his own release in this wonderfully wet dream.

Suddenly, he feels her hand on his forearm, urging him to stop his pumping. His eyes fly open in confusion, along with a slight hint of frustration. After all he had just done for her…

“Let me do it,” Rey whispers, her clear and fiery eyes pleading with his dark and moody ones. She sits up on her knees and pulls him up towards her, gently urging him to climb into the bed. After a heartbeat of hesitation, Ben submits and positions himself on the mattress but stays propped up on his elbows, uncertainty etching his brow. This was _his_ dream, wasn’t it? He was supposed to be the one in control.

Rey slowly peels back his tunic to expose his broad chest, her hands coming to rest on the smooth, cool skin. Ben can’t help but marvel at her beauty, can’t resist basking in the flush he sees spread across her cheeks, her hair tousled and eyes hooded. _He_ did that. His heart is pounding beneath her fingers and Ben licks his lips in anticipation, yet he is still confused as to this turn of events, and he can’t seem to allow himself to relax just yet.

_“Please,”_ Rey implores him, pushing him back gently onto the pillow before trailing her fingers lightly down his chest, over his abdomen, and swooping down around his erection, tickling his inner thighs. Ben’s breathing picks up, hissing erratically through his clenched teeth, and while his eyes never leave her, he swallows hard as the tension builds in his body. Rey leans down to leave a trail of light kisses down the scar she gave him, working her way lower and lower on his torso, until her lips are grazing the inside of his hip bone and Ben’s head finally falls back into a pillow, succumbing to her wishes. A low growl begins to build in his throat at the teasing of her mouth, his hands twisting in the sheets despite the pain he feels. She shouldn’t play this game for long.

All at once, something warm and soft and oh so wet wraps around the head of his dick and Ben curses into the dark. It feels so much better than he had imagined it, than he had dreamed it. Slowly, her mouth glides down, down his shaft and his world begins to spin as she brings her head back up his length, her tongue caressing his sensitive tip. She continues to explore him at her leisure, driving him crazy as he thrashes from side to side, and Ben can’t stop himself from crying out when she adds her hands to the mix, cupping his testicles while stroking him firmly. 

“Rey…” he pants out as a warning. Ben knows he’s going to explode inside of her at any second, but he feels through the bond that this is exactly what she wants. That she wants to taste him like he had with her. So he grabs a fistful of her hair to hold her head in place, grunting as he jerks up into her mouth and releases himself inside of her. His mind and body are filled with nothing but the exhilarating thought and intoxicating feeling of _her_ , and he roars her name into the space around them. The name of his beautiful goddess, his dream come true. 

Coming back down now from the high, it’s his turn to heave in great lungfuls of air as Rey crawls up his body to rest in his warm arms. Ben wraps her up and clings to her desperately, not wanting to ever wake up. Maybe if he holds on tight enough, she won’t leave again. Maybe they can just stay here, just like this, in this small corner of perfection in his mind. He presses a kiss against the side of her head, breathing her in, committing her smell and touch to memory. _Please don’t go._

“I love you, Rey,” he murmurs into her hair. If this was his fantasy, then he could do and say what he wants; she’ll have no memory of this. Her fingers curl into his chest and her breathing hitches against his side. Slowly, Rey lifts her head to look up at him, her eyes glistening with emotion and lips trembling. For a fleeting moment, Ben gets the unnerving sensation that she actually had heard him through the fog of his dream, but then he blinks and she’s gone.

Alone again in the harsh light of his cold cell, Ben fights back the prick of tears in his eyes. He brings his hand up to his face to shield himself from reality, to hold on to the afterglow of his dream for just awhile longer, and all at once is hit with the smell of her. His brow furrows.

_That isn’t possible._

Hesitantly, his hand travels down to his pants, seeking out the sticky confirmation of his imagination having run wild. His eyes fly open and the pit of his stomach drops as his fingers find purchase on his still sensitive, yet supremely satisfied cock. There’s none of his spend there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else wants a dream like that with Kylo/Ben? Ooh oh, me! Pick me!!!
> 
> The next chapter will be more plot-driven, but there's plenty more smut to come later on. I appreciate all the kudos and comments encourage me to write more and faster :-)


	11. Chapter 11

The Millenium Falcon drops out of hyperspace, jolting Rey awake unceremoniously. She blinks for a few moments at the ceiling above her and wets her lips, tasting something foreign on them, something slightly salty. Her breath catches and she swallows hard, her cheeks burning as the memories come flooding back all at once. Ben had been there, so real in the mists of her dream. He had pleasured her fully, had allowed her to suck him off, had held her close to his heart.

_He said that he loves me._

Rey’s stomach flutters at his words running through her head, at the way he had touched her. What happened? Was all of it just a dream, or had this been some different form of their bond? Shivering, Rey sits up and pulls the bed sheets tightly around her still nude body in an attempt to stave off the cold of the ship. How much warmer she had been in his arms, even if they were merely a figment of her imagination.

Crossing to the fresher, she catches sight of herself in the small mirror. Her hair is completely mussed and a rosy hue glows on her cheeks, her lips slightly swollen and a deeper shade of red while her eyes are clear and bright. She looks like a full-grown woman, someone she recognizes, but doesn’t totally know yet. Rey smiles lightly at her reflection. _He_ did that to her.

After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, Rey heads to the cockpit just as the Falcon begins its descent into Chandrila’s atmosphere. Chewie asks if she managed to get any sleep and Rey can only manage a soft hum and a nod, a blush creeping up her neck as she settles into the chair, following the guidance of some Rebels planetside to dock in a moderately sized hangar. The pair shut down the engines and Rey practically runs down the ramp. So much has happened since she was last with the Resistance.

Poe is waiting for her in the hangar and he greets her with a wide, albeit tense, smile. His eyes are bloodshot, his complexion sallow, his posture not as jubilant as usual Rey can’t help but note that he still looks drained, exhausted. It’s no wonder really.

“Good to see, Rey,” Poe says genuinely though, hands on his hips as he looks her up and down. “You look…very well.”

Rey feels a small ripple of guilt for her appearance. She knows that she looks refreshed and somewhat happy, giddy even. It had only been a few days since the Resistance had sustained so much loss, since the passing of Leia had rocked the galaxy. They were supposed to still be in the throes of mourning. Rey bites her lip and looks down.

“Thanks, Poe,” she responds quietly before returning her gaze to him. “It’s good to be back.” 

“Watcha got there? Looks like good news to me,” he says, nodding towards the lightsaber on her hip. Grateful for the distraction and the chance to give her friend a small glimmer of hope, Rey takes the hilt of her weapon and holds it out for him to inspect. The leader of the Resistance takes the long piece of metal from her, whistling softly as he turns it over in his hands, inspecting the ornate detail and testing its heft. The weapon exudes power, elegance, and danger, commanding the respect of all who see it.

“It’s a beauty,” Poe marvels. Rey flashes him a quick smile as he hands it back to her. She doesn’t want to turn it on; she’s realized that she has no desire to flaunt her deadly weapon to others. It feels almost disrespectful to the power imbued in it through her. Fortunately, Poe doesn’t ask for a demonstration and Rey is able to sheath her saber back to her side.

“Any word from Finn and Rose yet?” Rey asks quietly, hopefully. Poe’s face falls, the air in the hangar suddenly feeling much heavier.

“No,” he concedes heavily, his eyes distant and troubled. Rey can see that he’s searching for something, something that has been eluding him for the past few days. 

“I don’t know how much longer I can hold out until I have to just…” but his voice cracks and Poe can’t bring himself to say the words that’s plaguing both of their minds.

_Give up hope._ Rey shudders at the thought, sick to her stomach at the prospect of never seeing her best friend again. They both shuffle in painful silence for a bit, and Poe drags a heavy hand over his gaunt face. He really hasn’t been sleeping, Rey can’t help but observe.

“Hey, let me show you around the base,” Poe says suddenly, breaking the discomfort hanging in the air between as he turns on his heel to lead them out of the cavernous room. Rey follows quickly behind in relief, the tension in the pit of her stomach easing slightly with each step they take down an unfamiliar hallway. Poe calls back over his shoulder, “There’s also something I want to talk to you about for tomorrow.”

Rey nods in response, thankful for any distraction, and she follows her commander into the depths of the new home of the Resistance.

******

Despite the starkness of his cell and his mortification over the dream, or whatever it was, Ben manages to fall into a deep sleep for the first time in weeks. He dreams of her, of them, outside of this war and on a planet filled with the lush greenery and blue waters that she loves. Seeing her bright smile and sparkling eyes, feeling the warmth from her fingers work its way into his own, tasting her lips and body again…Ben feels confident that he could die now and have known true love and happiness at least once in his life.

The thought snaps him awake. No, he can’t die now. He refuses to, not after having gotten a glimpse of what it would be like to be with her, for her to be his own little ray of light in his dark existence of self-loathing. Staring at the ceiling, Ben knows that he will do whatever is required to make their vision of being together a reality. Death will come before admitting defeat, he swears to himself. 

The door to his cell suddenly whooshes open, but Ben doesn’t even blink, his eyes still riveted to the ceiling as he daydreams about the future. He knows it’s the insufferable “Supreme Leader” Hux. The idea of the wiry man holding the prestigious title makes Ben snort into the space above him and he can hear Hux bristle in response.

“Do you find your imminent execution to be amusing?” Hux finally sneers at his enemy. “Or perhaps this isolation cell is beginning to make you a bit…off?” Ben can’t help but smile at that. The man practically walked into the trap.

“I’m not alone,” Ben says confidently and turns his head to look at the former general just in time to catch his pale face flicker in fear. The sight of his unease makes Ben smile wider, and Hux’s eyes practically pop out of his head for a split second, but he quickly recovers his expression of superiority and confidence. The Supreme Leader impulsively straightens his uniform and scowls at the black mass of cloth still lying down on the hard bench.

“Well, I sure don’t see your precious desert rat here and she has yet to make contact with us, despite our galactic-wide announcement of your execution,” the red head taunts. Ben finally swings his legs over the slab, positioning himself like a seat ready to spring, as he levels his dark gaze at Hux. The pasty man sneers smugly as he looks Ben up and down before continuing, “Pathetic really, that nobility such as yours, even questionable as it is, would fall for such disgusting filth.” 

Ben’s knuckles turn white from his grip on the bench and blood begins to ooze back out of the freshly healed scabs. Glancing quickly behind the tyrant, Ben sees that only four Stormtroopers are accompanying him today. Perhaps Ben can manage to inflict some real damage before he is overcome by the soldiers. If only he could get away with using the Force, then he could finish this once and for all…

“I found the tapes from that day,” Hux spits, interrupting Ben’s scheming. “I saw the way you looked at each other. I witnessed you murder our Supreme Leader for her and thereby give the Resistance a chance to survive yet again, to keep the galaxy trapped in strife and chaos! I know that for some reason beyond me, you love that worthless piece of junk.”

“Yes, I do,” Ben confesses firmly, eye twitching and jaw grinding. His breath is becoming ragged and his vision begins to blur. He is now calling on every ounce of light to keep himself together. Snarling, Hux takes a step further into the tiny room, still looking down on Ben with disgust and hatred in his pale eyes.

“I will keep you alive until I find her and when I do, I will kill her slowly, painfully, until you beg me to snuff out your precious starlight and put her out of her misery,” Hux hisses at Ben, a maniacal glint in his eye. 

Before he can stop himself, Ben shoots to his feet and spits in the Supreme Leader’s face. The Stormtroopers immediately move in to flank the First Order leader, blasters at the ready, but Hux raises a gloved hand to stop them as he wipes the saliva off with his other. He makes a show of looking back at the soldiers in white armor before returning his attention to Ben, a sickening grin on his twisted face.

“From what I hear though, she’s just barely good enough for my soldiers,” Hux whispers. “Perhaps I’ll let them have a little fun with her before she’s executed.”

With a roar, Ben launches himself across the room, smashing his fist into the Supreme Leader’s face over and over, sprays of blood splattering his clothes and the wall before the small contingent of Stormtroopers is finally able to separate the two men and drag the former general to safety, his eyes wild with rage as blood trickles into them. 

“I _will_ find out if you’re still connected to the Force,” Hux screams at him, giving away his ulterior motive for his recent visits. “Don’t think for a second that you’re going to find a way out of this, Ren!”

“I don’t need the Force to tear you limb from limb, Hux! Only an opportunity,” Ben promises him, his chest heaving. One of the troopers slams the butt of his rifle into Ben’s gut as another knocks the back of Ben’s head, making everything go black.

*****

“Ben!” a panicked voice calls to him. It sounds so far away, yet he feels warm fingertips brushing back his hair as another hand shakes his shoulder, urging him to wake up. Blearily, he opens his eyes and the drab gray world around him comes into focus. She’s here with him, cradling his head in her lap, worry etched all over her features.

“Ben, what happened?” Rey asks him. She was shocked to have just been finishing up the base tour with Poe when a sudden wave of nausea and distress had nearly made her lose her last meal. Quickly excusing herself from the commander’s presence, she had hurried to her new quarters and fallen immediately into meditation, reaching out for Ben. 

She had found him passed out on the floor of his cell, his hand a bloody and bruised mess and his skin pale and clammy. Moving quickly, Rey manages to hoist Ben into her lap and gently strokes his raven black hair out of his strained eyes. Slowly, Ben is able to make her out more clearly, and the sight of her gives him immense relief but also a sickening panic. The thought of Hux getting his hands on her makes Ben’s heart crack and his limbs shake, and he curls his body into Rey’s, clutching desperately to her waist as his shoulders tremble under her hands.

“I won’t lose you, Rey,” Ben chokes out, his sobs muffled by her tunic. “I won’t let them touch you.”

Rey rocks him back and forth, softly shushing him and assuring him that she’s right here, that she’s not going anywhere. She looks down at him sadly, stroking his back, and then leans over to drape her torso over his, trying to use her warmth to comfort him. Ben finally begins to relax slightly under her, reassured of her safety by her soothing weight on top of him. Eventually, Rey senses that Ben has calmed down and she sits back up, urging him to do the same. He complies and leans back against the cell’s bench, his shoulder pressed up against hers.

“Let me see your hand,” she whispers and reluctantly, Ben holds it up for her to inspect. Rey sighs at the sight of it.

“You just had to fight him without me, didn’t you?” Rey mockingly accuses, a small smile dancing at the corner of her lips.

“I had to fight him for you. For your honor,” Ben responds in earnest and Rey looks at him quizzically. She had never heard that expression before, but it doesn’t take her long to understand what Ben means. The grin on her face fades as the shame of her past rushes in. 

“I meant what I said last night, Rey,” Ben tells her, trying and failing to conceal the emotion in his voice. Judging by the deep shade of pink that invades Rey’s cheeks as her eyes flicker away from his, Ben now knows for sure that it had been no dream. That he had indeed pleasured her and confessed his love for her. He swallows hard in embarrassment, yet he refuses to look away from Rey. She needs to know how he truly feels about her. Eventually, her watery eyes make their way back to his determined ones and she nods at him silently before leaning over to place a lingering kiss on his shoulder.

“I know you did,” Rey whispers to him as Ben cups the side of her face with one of his hands, his thumb grazing lightly over her cheek to catch a tear. She sniffs as she gently gathers his broken hand in hers and begins to examine it. Glancing at him quickly before returning her attention to the fractures, she asks, “It seems that using the Force should be an option for fixing this. Is it?”

“It is,” Ben concedes. “But it’s primarily a Lightsider power. I don’t have much experience or expertise with it.”

“But you have done it before?” Rey presses. Ben’s mind flashes back to the moment when he had held a young, bloody girl in his arms, his heart wildly racing at the prospect of losing something so precious. He nods slowly, swallowing hard.

“I had help though,” Ben admits cautiously. Is he ready to confess to her why she is connected to him, why their destinies are intertwined? No, not yet. Not in this immediate state. Catching sight of the curiosity in her expression, Ben quickly continues, “I have no doubt that you’re more than capable of helping with this as well.”

Rey puffs out a long breath before drawing in an even longer one. “Ok, let’s do this then. I’m guessing meditation is another big part of it?”

Ben grins at her. 

“But of course,” he responds. “You need to focus all the warm, healing light within you into the wound. See my broken flesh and bones in your mind and feel the Force flowing through you into me; visualize it stitching and repairing the tears and breaks.”

Rey nods at him and looks back at his injured hand still cradled in hers. Closing her eyes, she reaches out for the Force and feels it flowing strongly through her immediately. She doesn’t hesitate to push the light through their connected hands and Ben marvels at her natural ability for healing. Is there anything she isn’t good at, he wonders. 

Soon, her work is done and Ben tentatively flexes his fingers and fist. Feeling no pain or impeded movement, he smiles widely at her.

“You’re pretty amazing, you know that?” he asks. Rey blushes lightly in response.

“And you’re pretty filthy,” she quips. Ben looks down at himself and sees that the blood is still smeared all over his hand and spattered on his shirt that he hadn’t known was there. It’s his turn to blush.

“Sorry,” he mutters.

“Let’s just get you cleaned up,” Rey says and Ben looks at her questioningly. Rey explains to him excitedly, “I’m in a new place. It has its own fresher and everything.”

“Ah,” Ben says in understanding. “So you’re inviting me over for a shower?” Rey rolls her eyes at his dry humor.

“When was the last time you bathed, Ben?” she asks pointedly and the man shrugs in defeat. Lacing her fingers with his, Rey rests her head on his shoulder. 

“Let’s go then,” she says softly and Ben plants a kiss on the top of her head.

“Let’s go,” he agrees, and they both close their eyes and feel their pulses through their joined hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That damn Hux, completely driven by his fear and mistrust of the Force. Anywho, this chapter really fought me, but the next two chapters were easy to write because they're quite...ahem..."action"-packed.
> 
> So yeah, the next chapter is already written and it. is. fun! ::wink wink:: Definitely NSFW ;-) We'll see how long I can hold my marbles and keep from posting it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright kids, buckle up...it's goin' down and they take their time getting there ;-)

When they open their eyes again, Rey and Ben are in a moderately-sized room with somewhat dim, yellowish lighting. The floor is gray and the walls a drab white, but a larger bed with clean bedding is in one corner and a table with a couple of steel chairs in another. A small couch is even there, positioned under the only window in the room, with a view of a lush forest beyond. Ben smiles to himself, knowing how happy looking at that framed greenery will make Rey.

“I know it’s nothing special, but it’s the nicest place I’ve ever stayed,” Rey admits beside him, excitement in her voice. Ben nods silently as he imagines the day that he hopes to give her so much more, even though he knows she would never accept anything extravagant. He wonders idly if she would prefer a small stone house nestled in the woods next to a river, or a quaint cottage so close to the sea that you can taste the salt in the air.

“Somewhere quiet that we can be free,” she interrupts his thoughts softly, and Ben jumps at the intrusion. Had he really been thinking that loudly and unguarded? An image drifts into his mind of a cozy stone cottage sitting at the foot of a small mountain range, smoke curling out of a chimney that reaches for the top of the trees. Stretched out beside the humble dwelling is a tinkling brook that meanders into a flat expanse of lush grasses before rushing into a crystal clear lake edged in by more hills and conifers. The air is serene and crisp and Ben becomes overwhelmed by the desire to make this fantasy into a reality for her, for them.

Ben is abruptly drawn back into the present yet again as he feels Rey begin to strip off his cloak. He catches her hands against his chest, his heart beating hard through the tunic still covering it.

“Rey,” he says her name as both a question and a plea. Rey wriggles her hands free of his and slowly grazes her fingertips down his abdomen to the hem of his black top, grasping the bottom of it and raising it up over his head to expose his muscular torso. She steps back to admire him for a moment, her eyes roving over the expanse of tight, pale skin marked by testaments of his strength and bravery. 

Slowly, Rey begins to unravel her arms wraps and she notes that Ben’s breath quickens as she pulls her own tunic off and casually lets it drop to the floor. Maintaining his eye contact, Rey unties the drawstring of her pants and lets them drop to the floor before gingerly stepping out of them and standing before Ben, entirely nude and confident. 

“What are you doing?” Ben croaks out, his gaze now unable to leave her lean, taut body and small, supple breasts. His eyes trace down the curve of her waist and take in the small patch of dark curls between her lithe, tan legs. _Gods, she’s perfect,_ he thinks to himself.

“I’m from the desert, Ben,” Rey coos as she saunters back up to him, reaching out for the waistband of his pants. “I don’t believe in wasting water.”

Ben drops his head and moans as Rey frees his rapidly growing member to allow his pants to pool at his feet. Grasping his shaft firmly and giving it a couple of experimental strokes that make him suck in his breath, she leads him across the floor to the fresher by his now hard cock. Rey only releases him when she leans over to turn on the water to the shower, adjusting the temperature, and Ben takes the opportunity to enjoy the view of her strong yet shapely backside. He can’t resist the temptation to run his hand along one side of her ass and Rey throws a flirty smile back at him over her shoulder before straightening to step into the shower.

He stands outside of it for moment, watching her hungrily as the foam from her shampoo runs down her shoulders and over her breasts before cascading down to the folds between her legs. As he watches her bathe, rooted to the spot, the image of her dream home finds its way back into his mind. Ben imagines making love to her on the bank of the river, in the shallows of the lake, up against a tree, in front of a roaring fire…

“Ben,” Rey calls to him sharply, breaking him from his reverie. “I’m here, now.”

Blinking rapidly, Ben snaps back to the present and looks at Rey’s wet, glistening body before his eyes settle on the scar along her side, the one that he had helped heal. Rey sees him staring at it and shifts uncomfortably. Why is he focusing on her flaws, she wonders. Shakily, Ben steps into the shower and under the falling water, reaching out to trace the pale line on her tan skin.

“I fell when I was young,” Rey mumbles, slightly confused and embarrassed by his sudden attention to one of her old wounds. She shudders at the memory of that day. “I thought I was going to die.”

“Me too,” Ben whispers and Rey’s eyes flutter up to his. With the way things are progressing so quickly between them, he feels that he needs to let her know that he was there that day. He needs to know whether or not she will accept what he had inadvertently done to them. The water is running down his body now, washing soaked strands of his black hair into his dark eyes that are staring intensely into hers. Her brow is furrowed, her eyes questioning. Ben reaches out to cup her face in his hands, tilting her head up to him.

“I told you I’d come back for you, sweetheart,” he says quietly to her, and Rey’s eyes widen first in shock, and then in comprehension. Her bottom lip begins to quiver and she squeezes her eyes shut, salty tears joining the fresh water already on her face.

“It was you,” Rey chokes out, the image in her mind of a shadowy figure that always lurked in the recesses of her consciousness since that day, the sound of a deep voice lulling her to sleep. “It was always you.”

Rey reopens her eyes to see his staring back at her sadly, fear written in them.

“I’m so sorry, Rey,” Ben starts, his voice shaking and stammering to get the words out. “I had just-- I’d been having these dreams. These nightmares. You were dying and I couldn’t get to you…” he trails off, shaking his head as his grasp on her hair tightens just a bit at how helpless he had felt. She was here now, she was safe, he reminds himself.

“How?” Rey asks almost breathlessly. 

“I don’t know,” Ben confesses with a sigh. “The Force had been compelling me to go to Jakku. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t concentrate on anything, so I finally gave in and went to your old home.” He caught a glimmer of recognition in her expression, a puzzle piece clicking together in her head.

“My doll…like your lightsaber,” Rey says almost inaudibly, seemingly to herself. Ben cocks her head at her, and Rey continues more loudly to explain, “It’s how I found your family’s lightsaber. I heard…voices. And when I touched the hilt, I saw things. Some of which hadn’t even happened to me. I saw you look directly at me in the vision.” Ben is nodding both in astonishment and understanding.

“And when I grabbed the doll, I went back in time and I found you as a little girl in your sling, that rod sticking out of your side,” he says as his eyes and hand returns to the reminder. “I believe that’s when I transferred my powers to you. When I got you trapped in all of this.” 

“No,” Rey asserts fervently, shaking her head at him, her eyes burning. “No, you saved me. You didn’t trap me, Ben.” Ben tries to turn his head away from her, but Rey grabs the side of his face, refusing to allow him to look away. 

“I want this,” she continues earnestly, and Ben looks down at her as the warm water continues to caress their bodies. She’s looking back up at him, determined and passionate. “I want you. I want _us,_ Ben.”

Ben swallows hard as Rey presses herself into him, her hard, slick nipples rubbing against his chest as she cards his hair with her fingers. His hands slide effortlessly, naturally, down her waist to rest on her hips as his erection returns and he ducks his head down to capture her lips with his own. They’re so soft and plump from the steam in the room, making Ben’s head spin and dick quiver. He pulls her closer to him, gathering her in his muscular arms to make their bodies flush together, and Rey moans into his mouth appreciatively in response, gyrating gently against him. She breaks off their kiss, panting, before trailing her lips and tongue teasingly up his neck, making Ben grip her even tighter to keep himself from trembling too obviously.

“Make me yours, Ben,” Rey sighs huskily in his ear and Ben feels that he just might collapse from all the heat between them and around them. Dropping his head to the crook of her neck and shoulder, he sinks his teeth into the flesh there, making her yelp in surprise and pleasure. Suddenly, Ben snakes an arm under her ass and hoists her up to straddle him above his stiff member, reaching behind him with the other arm to turn off the shower. He’s briefly reminded of the first time he carried her, all those months ago back in the Takodana forest. How he had admired her body in his arms, how badly he had wanted to possess her even then. He smiles now as he feels her own hot fluids trickle down his abdomen and begin to coat the top of his cock.

“You were always mine,” he growls as he gently nips along her collarbone, guiding them out of the fresher and towards her bed. When he reaches it, he lays her down tenderly and dips his head to suckle at her breasts, rolling his tongue around the stiffened peak of each nipple which makes her arch her back to allow him to suck more of the soft flesh into his hungry mouth. 

Ben pops off her breast and climbs on top of her, caging her in with his more than capable arms, shifting her thighs outside of his. He can feel the head of his cock weeping for entry against her dripping core, and he slowly begins to push himself inside of her. Immediately, he feels resistance and senses Rey tense up under him, reminding him that while the first time is pleasurable for a man, it can be painful for a woman. Ben freezes and looks down at her to see the trepidation in her eyes. Shaking his head, he pulls the tip of his dick back out of her. 

“What are you doing?” Rey asks bewilderingly. 

“Not this,” Ben mutters, still shaking his head as he sits up and shifts to the side of the bed. A different kind of pain begins to paint her features and Ben starts to panic at the implication he may have just conveyed. 

“It’s not you,” he hurriedly reassures her. “I can see that I’m hurting you, and I…I just can’t do that anymore.” 

Rey’s features soften at his explanation and she reaches out to rub his forearm.

“Yes, it will hurt a little bit,” Rey admits quietly to him. “But I assure you it’s nothing I can’t handle.” She sits up to point out the scar he had been so fascinated by, but Ben remains unconvinced and nervous. Huffing anxiously, he pushes up off the bed and begins to pace the floor, his member rapidly deflating.

“Is there something else bothering you?” Rey questions cautiously as she watches him track back and forth, agitation in his steps.

“No,” Ben snaps, then quickly winces at the sharpness of his tone and the dejection on her face. Stopping his tread with his back to her, he sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

“I’ve never done this before either,” he finally mumbles, fumbling over the words. Rey’s expression relaxes into understanding now. So it was a combination of things bothering him. She gets off the bed and pads over to him, slinking her arms around his waist and pulling her chest against his back. Ben’s body begins to tense in anticipation at her touch, his muscles getting more wound up at the feel of her bare breasts pressing against him, the blood flowing back into his cock as Rey begins to stroke him.

“You can’t stay a virgin forever,” she whispers as she nips at his ear, still pumping him slowly. Ben shivers under her ministrations.

“I can try,” he insists breathily, only half-joking, and he feels Rey huff against him.

“Ben Solo, you get back on that bed right now,” she orders sternly, pointing the way for him with one arm, the other resting on her cocked hip. Ben raises an eyebrow at her, slowly turning to face the small and feisty woman with an amused grin on his face.

“You think you can order me around?” he taunts, stepping as close to her as his now fully hard dick will allow, puffing out his chest in an attempt to make her feel even smaller. Rey rolls her eyes at his peacocking before shoving him backwards onto the bed.

“I think you’ll give me anything I want,” she says, licking her lips and hungrily eyeing his package in a way that makes Ben gulp and his stomach flutter. He quickly recovers from his brief nervousness though and scoots his back up against the wall so that he is leaning in a sitting position. Ben considers Rey for a moment as he stretches his arms behind his head.

“Are you still hungry even after last night?” he asks her, glancing down at his own sizeable dick as he separates his legs, allowing her easier access to what she was clearly salivating over.

“Starving,” Rey pants and Ben reaches a hand out for her, holding his member at full attention with the other. She crawls onto the bed, her eyes never leaving his now dripping dick. Catching the side of her head with his outstretched hand, Ben gently tangles his fingers in her hair and guides her down between his legs, feeding her his hot and juicy cock.

“There you go, sweetheart,” he purrs down to her, smiling at the sight of her head bobbing up and down his length. Rey mewls appreciatively and the vibrations go straight to his core, making him drop his head back in a groan and grip her hair tighter as he pumps her mouth faster and deeper onto him. Her moans are getting more garbled by his seeping fluids, the sounds of them so dirty and illicit that Ben suddenly has to stop her with both of his hands to keep himself from exploding too soon.

He looks back down at her, her delicate red lips wrapped around his hard throbbing head, his shaft sticking out of that pretty little mouth. Rey is looking at him through hooded eyes, swirling her tongue around his tip, her cheeks caving in rhythmically with her sucking.

“Touch yourself,” Ben commands hoarsely and Rey’s eyes widen just a bit. Seeing her hesitation, Ben raises an eyebrow at her and begins to pull her off of his dick. Rey frantically shakes her head and tightens her lips around him, and he chuckles at her desperation.

“Then do it,” he demands again, and Rey complies, raising her ass slightly in the air so that her hand can find purchase on her already soaked pussy. Stroking her clit slowly, Ben watches her hips begin to gyrate and his breathing becomes more labored as her moans become more desperate, but he still holds her head in place on his cock.

“That’s it,” he whispers encouragingly, in awe of her writhing figure and relishing in her obedience to him for once. “Now finger yourself. Get yourself ready for me.”

The motion of her hips changes direction and her moans change their pitch slightly. Ben begins to push himself deeper into her mouth, his thrusts slow but still shallow, his eyes flitting between the motion of her head and the curves of her rear.

“More,” he calls to her as he pulls her head farther down his shaft, gasping as he hits the back of her throat. It’s both soft and tight there, making his vision go hazy as her throat tightens around his sensitive tip. The sound of her fingering herself reaches his ears and he groans in frustration. _He_ wants to be inside of her, pounding into her walls as she cries out for the man that is filling her up. She has to be ready for him soon, or else he’ll lose his self-control.

“I need all of you, Rey,” Ben finally begs her, letting go of her head and twisting his hands in the sheets, trying to pull himself back from the brink of release. _“Please.”_

Rey lifts her face to look at his, lips parted, desperate and impassioned. Nodding, she carefully climbs into his lap and straddles him, hovering a couple of inches above his aching dick. Her breasts are in front of his face and Ben licks their tips lightly as he gently strokes his hands up and down her back, making her skin break out in gooseflesh. 

Slowly, she begins to lower down onto him and Ben’s hands go still on her waist, his thumbs hooked around her hip bones. He looks up at her as inch by inch, she sinks herself further into him, wincing only slightly when he’s almost completely filling her up. They both know that they’ve reached the final barrier of resistance and Ben reaches a hand up to brush back her hair and cup one side of her face, the other hand still firmly gripping her hip. Rey nods down to him as she sucks in a deep breath and in one swift, synchronized motion, she drops herself as Ben thrusts up into her, puncturing her girlhood and claiming this new woman as his own.

Rey immediately collapses against him and Ben gathers her into his arms, kissing away her tears of pain and overwhelming emotion. Together, like this, they can feel it. They can finally feel their sense of belonging, of completion. They stay embraced for awhile, trembling in their new home within each other, before Rey sits back and begins to rock her hips experimentally. 

Ben sucks in a breath at the sensation. Her pussy is so tight and hot and wet, and her hips are swirling and rolling on his squeezed cock. As her confidence and pleasure swell, Rey braces her hands on the wall behind Ben’s head and begins to ride him harder, oblivious to her tits bouncing in his face. Ben certainly isn’t unaware of them though and captures a nipple in his mouth, nibbling it just enough to make her cry out. 

“Touch me, Ben,” Rey pants and Ben immediately complies, reaching down between their bodies to circle his thumb over her clit. Her head drops to her chest in response, a deep, guttural moan coming from her throat as her body quakes on top of his and Ben rubs her faster, begins to thrust harder up into her. He can’t tell if the sounds she’s making are from pain or pleasure, but she isn’t slowing her pace and the fact makes heat coil deep in his gut. 

_“Kriff,”_ he hisses through clenched teeth as he feels her walls begin to flutter around his engorged cock. He looks up to see her head thrown back in a silent scream, her nails digging deeply into his shoulders, and Ben knows her spasming body is about to drag him over the edge with her. Grabbing the sides of her waist, he slams her pulsing pussy down onto his package, impaling her on his dick over and over until he is growling like a wild animal as he shoots his spend deep inside of her and Rey is screaming his name into the space around them.

As soon as the last of their mutual shockwaves leave their bodies, Ben wraps her tightly in his arms and twists them around so that they’re lying face to face on the bed, sharing their shaky breaths between them. Ben’s eyes are dancing all over her face, taking in and memorizing each detail from the spattering of freckles on her nose to the flecks of green in her eyes. Her lips are swollen and a deeper shade of red than he’s used to seeing on her and a soft pink flush to her cheeks makes her entire face look as if it’s lit from within. He reaches up to smooth her hair just a bit and Rey smiles at his adorations of her. With their bodies and hearts intertwined in this space and time, Ben knows that he’s finally found his purpose in life: to provide for and protect and cherish his incredible woman no matter the cost.

“You mean everything to me,” Ben whispers to her, and Rey lifts a palm to caress the side of his face.

“I love you too, Ben,” she whispers back, her voice brimming with a lifetime of yearned for emotion. Their legs still tangled and their foreheads pressed against each other, the pair drifts off into a deep and peaceful sleep, living through a dream together that will change their lives forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo...enjoy??


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short but sweet chapter (maybe a bit too sappy...sorry). This also marks our point halfway through the story!

_A fire is peacefully crackling in a stone hearth before them, its fingers dancing and reaching up into a dark chimney. Ben can tell that the flames are just barely biting back a slight chill in the air, keeping he and Rey cozy in a modest stone dwelling. The room smells of old leather and parchment, cedar and cinnamon. The two of them are curled up together on a plush couch with warm drinks in hand, and they catch each other’s eyes briefly, silently acknowledging that they’re in another dream together._

_They continue to search the room from their perch on the sofa, Ben’s attention falling on Rey’s old orange Resistance doll propped on a towering shelf of books that reaches all the way to the ceiling and spans the length of the room. Beneath a window on the opposite side of the small space is an old desk, Ben’s set of quills and ink and parchment scattered about its surface. It’s clear that he’s taken up calligraphy again and Ben wonders idly what he’s writing about._

_Suddenly, they both sense the presence at the same time, and they squeeze each other’s hand as they search a dark threshold in the farthest corner of the room, their eyes straining to make out a figure in the shadowy doorway. Their hearts are pounding, but not out of fear, Ben realizes, and he looks down at Rey who has begun wringing his fingers, her eyes filling with a hope he has seen in them only once before._

_Sweet giggles burst forth from the shadows as a little girl comes dashing towards them, her face covered with evidence of her pillaging sweets from a kitchen. Her hair is wavy and black as night, bouncing around her shoulders as she leaps onto the couch and into their laps. Her hazel eyes glitter up at them and her button nose crinkles with childish mischief, but the grin on her full, pink lips begins to fade into a frown of concern and the smooth, pale skin on her strong forehead starts to furrow.  
“But Mommy…Daddy…why are you crying?” the little one asks._

Ben’s burning eyes fly open to find Rey’s already spilling over with tears, her parted lips trembling.

“Did you see her?” Rey asks, her voice a hushed and urgent whisper. “Did you see—”

“Our daughter,” Ben breathes in awe. His entire body is jolted through with adrenaline, making him shake and break out in a cold sweat, but his heart feels as though it’s about to burst with more love than he thought possible and his eyes swim with the emotion.

“You…you’ve seen her before, haven’t you?” Ben asks quietly, already realizing he knows the answer. Rey gives him a tight-lipped smile and nods.

“On Ahch-To, when we touched hands,” she confirms. Now Ben recognizes where he had seen that look of hope before.

“But you said you had just seen us. Together, happy,” Ben replies, slightly confused. Rey chuckles through a sob at the memory.

“We _were_ together and happy, Ben,” Rey answers. “Because we were there with _her,_ right where we belonged. I just didn’t think telling you in that elevator that I was the mother of your future child would go over too well.”

A bemused understanding dawns on Ben as he remembers how closely Rey had moved into his personal space in that elevator, whispering to him and staring at his lips. How his stomach had fluttered, how badly he had wanted to kiss her, how certain he had been when the door opened that he was going to kill his master for her, even though he wasn’t entirely sure why at the time. Ben draws Rey into his chest, next to his heart that is still beating hard and fast at the memory of his precious daughter.

“I can’t wait to hold her,” Ben whispers into Rey’s hair, kissing the top of her head as Rey nods against him before she pulls back a little so that she can look at him, her face filled with determination.

“I want to give her the life we never had, Ben,” Rey asserts, her eyes pleading for his understanding as she begins to shake her head, more tears starting to fall down her cheeks. “That’s why I couldn’t join you after you killed Snoke, to rule the galaxy together. That kind of position is no place to raise a child, to be present for her.” 

Rey is beginning to cry in earnest now, shedding tears for the physical and emotional absence of her own mother and father, for the busy neglect and romantic strife from Ben’s childhood. How can they be adequate parents if they don’t have a good example to follow?

“Leaving you behind was the hardest thing I’d ever done, Ben,” she chokes out around her sobs. “Knowing that you were going to be my home one day.”

“Shhh,” Ben comforts her as he rolls her on top of him, rubbing her back as she cries harder into the crook of his neck. “I’m here now, sweetheart, and she’s going to have everything she needs. She’s going to have us and our love for her, for each other. Once this whole thing is over, I swear to you that I will always be with you, with our daughter.”

Rey picks her head up to look at him, her eyes red-rimmed and chin still quivering. Ben pushes back the wet hair stuck to the sides of her face.

“She’ll get to see me worship you every day of her life,” he promises her. His mouth quirks into a half-smile, his eyes twinkling. “And if any boys come around, I’ll spare her the heartache and just kill them right away.”

At that, Rey breaks out into a laugh and nuzzles back into him, taking deep calming breaths, satisfied knowing that Ben was with her completely in raising their child. Ben closes his eyes, a serene smile on his lips as he sees their daughter in his mind again, feels the light from her giggles.

“Have you thought of a name?” Ben asks quietly, still stroking Rey’s back. She stays silent for so long that he’s not sure Rey even heard him and is about to ask her again when she finally whispers back.

“I’ve always liked the name Ana.”

“Ana,” Ben echoes softly. The name rolls off his tongue and sounds like a cross between his mother and father’s names. The fact that it’s the first three letters of his grandfather’s name isn’t lost on him either, and Ben can’t help but feel that the name signals both healing and hope. He squeezes Rey tighter and murmurs back, “I like it. It’s perfect.”

The pair lay together in silence for a while, their imaginations drifting about the future and what it could hold. Now that they have put a name to their potential child, Ben can’t help but start to feel overprotective of his girls. He can’t bear the thought of allowing Rey to put herself in any form of danger, although he knows that a protest from him will be swiftly and thoroughly shot down. He wonders if Ana will struggle with her command of the Force, or how big he should make her room, or if she will even like him when she grows older with each passing year.

Before he knows it, Ben is in a full-blown panic, thinking of everything that could possibly go wrong. What if Rey has a rough pregnancy? Are they feeding her well enough wherever she is? What if she confesses her true hatred for him during delivery? What if Ana gets sick or hurt or some stupid person breaks her heart?

“Ben, it is literally impossible for me to be pregnant right now, you know that, right?” Rey cuts into his thoughts. She had sensed his rambling emotions and felt his growing unease under her, his breaths having become shallower and more anxious.

“I know, I know,” he insists, although he has to confess that he isn’t entirely sure how quickly the whole thing actually happens. How long does he have before he can start worrying in earnest, he wonders. An hour? A day? A week?

“About a month before we would know anything for sure,” Rey groans on top of him. Ben nods a little too quickly, letting out a loud breath he didn’t realize he had been holding. “And we’ve only had sex _once,_ Ben.”

“I can fix that,” Ben offers hopefully, rolling them over so that he’s now on top of her, pinning her arms above her head with his hands. Her hair is fanned out around her on the pillow and she’s so beautiful as she laughs. Her eyes crinkle at their corners and she bites her bottom lip, looking up at him with a slight blush. Ben leans down to kiss her, slowly at first, and then more insistent as he pushes his tongue past her lips and rocks his hips into hers, his cock quickly waking up from the activity. Moaning in response, Rey wraps her legs around his waist and moves her hips in time to his thrusts, encouraging him to enter her.

Just as Ben begins to push inside, the door hisses open and the couple snaps their heads around to face the interruption, frozen in place with their limbs tangled under the bed sheets.

The intruder splutters, his mouth opening and closing in shock, his eyes practically popping out of his head.

“What the _hell_ is this?” he bellows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally think Ben would be a fantastic dad to a baby girl...that boy would be wrapped around her little finger from day one! Anyways, I'm heading out of town this morning and will be gone for a week, so the next update will be a bit later.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another kinda short but pretty action-packed/plot driven chapter. Hope you enjoy!

Ben looks back down at the spot where Rey had just been. The gray slab of his cell stares back at him, empty and hard, and he becomes aware that he’s incredibly cold, the goosebumps racing like a chilly wave up and over his body. Apparently, his clothes and the warmth of Rey’s bed were left behind thanks to the interruption. Ben groans and drops his head, his soft black curls obscuring his face from the intruder, as he thinks of the growing list of reasons he now has to kill this man. 

Shock, jealousy, and a murderous rage are rolling off of the unwitting voyeur, but Ben furrows his brow in confusion at the perception. Why would Hux be so incredibly jealous and practically blinded by his anger? Ben turns his head back toward the doorway and his eyes immediately fall on one of the Stormtroopers flanking the Supreme Leader, understanding washing over him all at once. It’s FN-2187, the traitor, the man who cares deeply for Rey and was ready to die for her not so long ago. Apparently, he has every intent to kill for her as well.

 _Kriff,_ Ben thinks as he sighs deeply, finally moving from all fours into a normal seated position, still entirely nude and on display. Hux huffs and makes a look of absolute disgust, before turning his head slightly and ordering the shorter of the two troopers to fetch a cover of some sort for Ben. The three remaining men shuffle in awkward silence as they wait, Hux’s nostrils flaring and eye twitching, FN-2187 visibly shaking with rage behind him, and Ben chewing on the inside of his cheek, his eyes shifting between the two men before him. Finally, the other Stormtrooper reappears and hurriedly tosses a black blanket at Ben, who simply drapes it over his lap and then stretches his arms behind his head. Hux rolls his eyes at the display of ease and confidence.

“Explain yourself,” the former general finally hisses at the former Supreme Leader. Ben cocks his head and shrugs.

“I told you I wasn’t alone,” Ben responds flippantly. Hux seethes as he takes a menacing step further into the cell, the troopers moving in time with him.

“How—” he starts, stuttering over the words, his fists clenching. “How was that _whore_ here?”

Ben feels both himself and FN-2187 bristle at those words, and Ben grips his fingers tighter together behind his head in an effort to maintain his composure. Taking a deep breath, he levels his gaze on Hux.

“That woman, _my girl,_ ” his eyes flicker over to the taller trooper, “and I share a bond,” Ben replies firmly. “A connection that gets stronger by the day thanks to that pesky little Force thing you so despise. Rather convenient for us though, don’t you think?” Ben taunts. Hux sneers in response and glares down at Ben momentarily, before his lips slowly begin to pull into a grotesque grin.

“ _Connection,_ you say?” Hux whispers, an unusually excited glint in his eyes. “Let’s see just how deep this bond goes, shall we?” 

Ben has only a second to process the Supreme Leader’s plan.

“Shoot him in the leg,” Hux orders, and FN-2187 doesn’t hesitate to raise his blaster.

*****

“Poe!” Rey shrieks, quickly gathering the now empty sheets around her naked body. The Resistance general is still gaping at the spot where their enemy had just been before his eyes slowly track down to the heap of black clothes on the floor by the bed. Blinking back his shock, Poe finally looks at Rey wrapped up in the covers of the bed, a shadow of contempt crossing his face.

“Get dressed,” he orders cuttingly, turning his back on her and fists clenching erratically. “And then you better start explaining yourself real quick.” 

There’s a soft padding of feet across the floor and rustling of fabric as Rey scrambles for a tunic.

“You can turn around,” Rey says meekly after she’s clothed herself. Her friend sways on his feet for a moment, his shoulders heaving, before he finally spins to face her again. His face is still dark and dangerous and his eyes are boring into hers, making Rey struggle to maintain his gaze.

“I told you to explain yourself,” Poe growls at her after Rey’s hesitation to respond goes on for too long, “before I decide to put you on trial for treason.”

Rey takes a shuddering breath in, wondering how to even begin delivering a sound reason for what Poe had just walked in on. Swallowing hard, her eyelids fluttering as a tear falls down her cheek, she chooses as simple an explanation as possible.

“Ben Solo and I share a Force bond,” Rey says quietly, observing Poe bristle at the mention of the man’s real name. She senses that the commander doesn’t like to be reminded that he’s gunning for the death of his former beloved general’s son. “Our powers and fates are intertwined.” 

“I’d say more than that was just intertwined,” Poe scoffs back, clearly disgusted. Rey blushes furiously and looks down at the floor as a long silence stretches between them. Rey can hear Poe sucking in deep lungfuls of air through his nostrils, and the emotions churning within him are slowly beginning to steady into a semblance of a controlled, yet tense, calm. Rey finds herself able to breathe just a little easier and cautiously returns her gaze to him.

“How long has this been going on?” Poe asks, his voice suddenly sounding weary as he drags a hand over his face.

“It’s…complicated,” Rey answers, wincing at Poe’s scowl. “But we became fully aware of it after the confrontation on Takodana. It got stronger after we…” Rey trails off and Poe raises his eyebrows at her, chin still resting in his hand, silently demanding that she continue. 

“After we admitted our feelings for each other,” Rey forces out. Her friend’s jaw drops and he blinks dumbly at her. Even though Poe can admit that Ben is a good-looking man and he could possibly understand a woman being attracted to him physically, for someone to actually _care_ for Ben is too much for the commander to process at the moment. 

“You mean to tell me that you’re in love with that monster?” Poe splutters, aggressively pointing to an invisible beast on Rey’s bed, the sheets still warm and rumpled from their first shared night together.

“He’s _not_ a monster,” Rey grits out as she takes a small step forward, raising her chin defiantly. “And yes, I do love him.”

Poe presses his palms hard against his eyes and begins to pace Rey’s room in agitation, trying to take it all in. How could his friend go behind his back and betray everyone on this base for the Resistance’s worst enemy? Rey was supposed to be the key to destroying Kylo Ren, to bringing down the First Order once and for all. She was supposed to restore peace and bring balance to the galaxy by eradicating the menacing Dark Side user. And now, Poe learns that his greatest weapon not only has feelings for the very man he was hoping Rey would end, but was sleeping with him?

“I am not your weapon,” Rey seethes, her voice low and dark. Poe freezes in his tracks and slowly turns his head toward her, his brow etched with fear and concern. Had she been able to hear his thoughts?

Her eyes are now piercing and dangerous, the air in the room suddenly overwhelmingly oppressive, making it difficult for him to breathe. Poe’s throat goes dry in horror and the blood drains from his face when he realizes that Rey is now holding the intimidating hilt of her saber, fingering the ignition switch. Poe’s right hand instinctively creeps towards his blaster, his left hand slowly rising to hold out in front of him, as if him trying to calm a wild animal.

“And I am not your enemy,” Poe tries to reassure her, shaking his head emphatically. Rey’s mouth pulls into a sneer.

“Tell me, Poe,” Rey’s soft voice clashing with her sharp eyes, her grip still firmly on the deadly weapon. “Why _are_ you here?”

Poe unwittingly gulps and stares at the lightsaber, his own fist sweaty and trembling against the butt of his blaster. His attention returns to her face, and he’s shook to realize that he doesn’t recognize her expression, as if she’s morphed into a person he’s never met. He knows that he stands no chance against a Force user, that his only hope of now making it out of this room alive is to tell her the truth.

“We’ve received a transmission from Finn and Rose,” Poe chokes out, vaguely relieved to see a flicker of hope and recognition in Rey’s eye. Maybe his friend is still in there.

The relief immediately turns to shock though as Rey lets out a sudden, piercing scream of agony, her leg twisting in on itself as she drops to the ground, writhing in pain as her lightsaber clatters on the floor next to her. Poe stays rooted to the spot, confusion temporarily clouding his mind as her cries pound in his ears. Finally, he snaps back to reality and rushes to Rey’s side, but not before being sure to kick away the lightsaber.

“It’s Ben,” Rey gasps, her eyes wild with terrible comprehension and fear. “They’ve discovered our connection. Poe, they can kill u—”

The young woman slumps in Poe’s arms, her eyes rolling back in her head and body going limp. The leader of the rebellion finds himself faced with a burden so great and horrible, that he can do nothing for some time but hold his friend tightly, a potential traitor to the Resistance and danger to the galaxy, as he thinks over the implications of what she had just confided in him. After several long minutes of agonizing contemplation, he looks back down at Rey with tears in his eyes, very much aware of the hard metal of the blaster pressed against his hip as his hand slowly moves towards the hilt. 

If one dies, so does the other…

*****

“How could you do that?” Rose snips at Finn, the two of them now safely tucked away in a medical ward with an unconscious Ben strapped to a table. At the command of the Supreme Leader, the duo had dragged the limp and bleeding man through the corridors and into a med bay. Hux wanted Ben to be somewhat aware of his death as it was happening, to know that somewhere in the galaxy, Rey was suffering a slow and painful demise as well.

“You know I had to, or else our cover would be blown,” Finn deadpans, his venomous eyes never leaving the mass of a man stretched out before them. 

“You didn’t even hesitate and you know it,” Rose insists, shaking her head in disbelief. “You just wanted an excuse to hurt him.”

“Yeah, I did,” Finn admits forcefully, finally turning to face his accomplice. “You saw it with your own eyes, too. Don’t deny it. He was holding Rey down.”

“You’re seeing things that aren’t there, Finn,” Rose retorts carefully, acutely aware that she needs to be cautious with her words. As much as she hates to admit it, she knows that deep down, Finn still holds some residual romantic feelings for Rey, that he’s struggling to come to terms with the fact that his orbit of life is spiraling out of touch from hers. In some ways, Rose feels sorry for him and the loss he must be sorting through, but mostly she just feels frustrated and fears that her love will never be enough for Finn.

“Finn, look at me,” Rose insists urgently, yanking his shoulders to face her as they both notice Ben starting to come around. 

“You heard Hux. Now that he knows he doesn’t need Rey to be here physically in order to kill her, he intends to torture Ben to death.” 

Finn looks back at Ben, the faintest of smiles on his lips at the thought. The sight of his expression terrifies Rose and she shakes him harder.

“Rey will die, too,” Rose yells at him, frantic and panicked. “Finn, are you listening to me?” 

Ben’s head begins to loll and he croaks out Rey’s name, the fog of his unconscious state beginning to lift. Finn sneers at the sound of his dear friend’s name on the lips of the most hated man in the galaxy. The former Stormtrooper knows that he could never let her be with such a monster. Raising his blaster, he levels it at Ben’s forehead, just as the injured man’s eyes flutter open.

“Then the merciful thing is to make it quick,” Finn mutters to himself as he cocks the weapon, blinking back tears as he stares into a pair of soft, dark eyes.

“Finn, NO!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I'm leaving you all hanging again. Sorry, not sorry :-p


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so incredibly late with this update (and to end on a cliffhanger....)! Thing is, I'm moving way out to Alaska in just a few short months and have taken it upon myself to rebuild a vintage aluminum camper from the ground up in order to make the trip, so my hands have been a bit tied up these past several weeks. I'll try to stick to a more consistent schedule of writing though!

_Cold._

It’s the first thing Rey becomes vaguely aware of, her mind still foggy and head throbbing. The goosebumps race up and down her flesh and she instinctively moves to wrap her arms around herself, to encourage warmth to work its way back into her limbs. Her wrists are met with the hard bite of metal instead.

_Click._

The sound of a blaster rifle being cocked makes her blood turn to ice as she slowly raises her face to meet the barrel of the weapon. Her brow furrows in confusion at the man holding her life in his hands. His eyes are threatening to spill over with tears of regret, anger, determination. Weren’t they friends? How could he even entertain the idea of doing this to her after all they’d been through together?

_“Finn?”_

The eyes hold him fast, forcing his finger to tremble over the trigger and hesitate for just a split second. Finn has seen that expression before, in a palace on Takodana, on the beloved face of his first real friend in this new life. 

_“Finn?”_ Ben asks in a voice somewhat foreign to his own. The tone is genuinely familiar and puzzled, the pitch strained and filled with the pain of betrayal. Rose hears and sees the shift in their hostage, observes the hesitation of her partner, and takes the opportunity to try to reason with him.

“Finn, Rey is in there,” Rose prods cautiously, quietly, acutely aware of the trembling weapon still aimed at both her enemy’s and friend’s head. Shaking her own, she continues, “Please don’t do this, Finn. I care about her, too.”

The former Stormtrooper lets out a shaky breath, his weapon lowering just the slightest bit. No, he can’t kill Rey. If he snuffs out her life, he snuffs out all hope for the restoration of peace in the galaxy. Sensing the change in danger, Ben’s eyes shift back from familiar to unknown. 

The change terrifies Finn, chases away the small bit of recognition and hope he had just experienced. In response, he immediately brings the barrel back up and this time presses it firmly against the forehead of this man that he loathes, his jaw set in determination. The air around them all is now full of foreboding tension and Rose hardly dares to breathe, the tears streaming down her face the only movement in the room. 

“I can help you,” Ben’s deep voice penetrates the stillness, reverberating against the walls of the small ward. Rose’s strained eyes shift over to him, trying to read his true intent. Ben glances over to her, holds her gaze, and begins to list a combination of letters and numbers.

“TK-7321, FN-55087, CT-0476, CT-913, FN-6485…”

“Finn, what’s he doing?” Rose asks, curiosity and concern in her voice. Finn is blinking hard at Ben, who is still reciting a seemingly endless sequence of information.

“Those letters and numbers are identifying codes of Troopers,” Finn finally calls cautiously over his shoulder, still trying to process the meaning of the rambling.

“…TK-10948, FN-2187,” Ben pauses on the last one, returning his attention to the man with the gun. “Not just any Stormtroopers, but ones like you. Weak links in the system that are resistant to our doctrines. Being attuned to the Force enables me to sense their non-compliance. I knew about you and your doubts well before your escape with _Dameron.”_ Ben spits the name of the Rebellion leader from his mouth like a bad taste.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Rose questions incredulously. Finn’s brow also knits together in confusion as Ben takes in a slow breath, finally relaxing just enough to allow his eyes to drift slightly away from the still very real threat before him.

“Because I had my own doubts as well,” he finally responds. There’s a rustling of breath and fabric as the Rebels scoff at that.

“You were one of the leaders of the _First Order—”_ Rose starts, her hands now on her hips and head cocked in disgust, but Ben cuts her off.

“No, I was an apprentice of Snoke. Knowledge of the Force has always been my first objective, not control of the galaxy,” he asserts. A long silence passes between the three of them, the faux Stormtroopers shuffling uneasily and the former Supreme Leader staring at each of them intently, willing them to understand and believe him.

“So there _are_ others like me?” Finn finally mutters almost to himself, his eyes slightly misty as he thinks about his comrades throughout the years. So afraid to speak what they truly thought about the mission, how they felt about being snatched from their families as young children. 

“Yes, there are other dissidents or traitors, call them what you will,” Ben responds flippantly, still unable to place himself firmly on either side of the war. Finn’s face scrunches up in response as he draws himself up to his full height and forces himself into Ben’s personal space.

“Don’t get sassy with me, Solo,” Finn spits at him, shaking the nozzle of the blaster against Ben’s head to remind him of its presence. Both Rose and Ben make a face at Finn’s choice of words.

“Did you seriously just call him ‘Solo?’” Rose asks bewilderingly before shaking her head and walking forward, reaching out to push the gun away from Ben’s head finally. Reluctantly, Finn relents and drops the weapon by his side, but keeps a wary and wrathful eye on the restrained man.

“Clearly he also failed the course on how to address your superiors,” Ben can’t keep himself from mumbling, causing Finn to resume his attempt at murdering the former Supreme Leader, wrestling with Rose for control of the blaster.

“Would you just stop, both of you!” she yells, slapping at Finn’s arm while holding a finger up to silence Ben. “Honestly, you’re acting like children. What would Rey would think of your behavior?” Rose couldn’t believe she was having to resort to this level of discourse with two grown men, who were both currently huffing and refusing to make eye contact with each other. The feisty little woman sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. She needed to get the conversation to a productive state, and quick. Hux would surely be checking in on his prized possession soon.

“Kylo, why and how would you help us?” Rose demands curtly, turning and crossing her arms as she gets up in his face, clearly unafraid of the most dangerous man in the galaxy. Ben finds himself both impressed and surprisingly intimidated by her fierceness and fearlessness. He realizes that the pint-sized terror before him reminds him a bit of his late mother, and despite not wanting to, he understands now why Rey has an affinity for Rose. Rey’s fondness for Finn, on the other hand, still remained a mystery for Ben.

“Because Rey is in a bit of a predicament of her own, and I need to get to her,” Ben responds concisely, yet enigmatically. 

Rose can’t stop herself from rolling her eyes. Just once, Rose thinks bitterly, she wishes a man would move heaven and earth for her. Rey seems to woo every man who crosses her path without even trying.

“Of course that’s the ‘why,’ now get to the ‘how,’” she orders impatiently. Ben couldn’t keep himself from giving her a quick half-smile, but he caught Finn’s disapproving eye and quickly recovered his usual long, impassive face.

“If you bring me a datapad, I can mark every Trooper known to me that feels…conflicted, about their role in the First Order,” Ben says casually to the pair that are becoming increasingly surprised at his willingness to cooperate. “The number is high enough that you should be able to stage the internal uprising you’re hoping for.”

“Wait, is he… _reading our minds?”_ Finn asks Rose nervously. Ben sighs.

“Not right now,” Ben explains with strained patience, “Rey is aware of the plan, therefore, _I_ am aware of the plan as well. We’re connected, remember?”

“What kind of trouble is Rey in right now?” Finn asks abruptly, trying to ignore the hurt he senses from Rose. Ben’s eyes grow dark and troubled as he reaches out through the Force again to try to find her. He can feel her signature in space and time, but her powers are greatly muted. From a brief glimpse through Rey’s eyes right before coming back to his own body with a blaster held to his head, Ben suspects that Rey is being held by the Rebellion in some kind of Force suppression restraints. It seems that Poe didn’t take too kindly to her “alliance” with Ben either.

However, Ben is hesitant to divulge that particular bit of information to the duo in front of him. It would only cause more confusion and fear on their part if they knew that their leader had imprisoned their friend and ally. Ben chooses to admit his more pressing concern to them instead.

“She’s been struggling with her command of the Force recently, particularly with controlling her tendency to give in to the dark side in times of emotional turmoil,” Ben sighs heavily. Finn can’t help but nod in agreement, thinking back to his sparring session with her weeks ago when she had injured him badly. Something about the way her eyes had flashed still haunted him. The expression on Finn’s face must have been particularly distant and pained, for Ben ventured as gently as an enemy could with the reassurance, “I can help her, but I need to get to her.”

Taking a deep breath, Rose stepped forward and released Ben’s restraints. Maybe he couldn’t be trusted, but he was the only chance they had now. Between their slow-going infiltration plan and Rey being in trouble, Rose didn’t really see that they had much of an option.

“I’ll go find a datapad,” she said curtly, turning on her heel to march to the door leading to the hallway. Ben rubbed his now free wrists as Finn nodded absent-mindedly.

“I know where the nearest escape pod is,” he offered numbly, still very unsure of what all had just transpired between the three of them. An agreement? A truce? An alliance?

“Of course you do,” both Ben and Rose mumbled in unison to his offer. Whatever it was they had planned, it was now in motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter fought me hard. I really struggled with their interactions, but I hope they came off at least somewhat possible...


	16. Chapter 16

“Finn?” Poe parrots back at Rey, his brow furrowed in concern and confusion. Rey’s face is pale and her eyes huge, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Had she really lost her mind this time? 

“No, no…it’s Poe,” he says, gesturing to himself with both hands. Rey lowers her trembling chin slightly and tries to shake the fog from her head, tries to make sense of what’s going on. Blinking hard, she lifts her face and sees the commander clearly now.

“Poe,” she breathes in relief. He was a far more welcome sight than a blaster in her face held by her best friend. The commander is nodding cautiously at her, regarding her with fear and uncertainty written on his every feature. Rey realizes with a jolt that he’s terrified of her, but why? She returns her attention to her bound hands and feet, suddenly acutely aware of how uncomfortable she is.

“Poe, why am I…” she begins, her voice trailing off though the question still hangs in the air between them. It’s Poe’s turn to blink at her rapidly.

“Do you really not remember anything, Rey?” he asks her incredulously. She pales in response; she has no idea what he’s talking about. Thinking harder, a blush swells furiously to her cheeks as she recalls Poe walking in on her and Ben in a rather compromising position.

“You found out about Ben and me,” she finally replies quietly, chewing on her lip.

“Honestly, I think that’s the least of my concerns right now,” Poe scoffs and Rey startles in response. What in the world was going on?

“I don’t understand,” she falters as she observes the breath being taken out of her friend and leader.

“Unbelievable,” he mutters, running an agitated hand through his already disheveled hair. He begins to pace as Rey’s tears begin to fall; she’s realized that she can’t sense Poe’s thoughts, can’t feel Ben’s steady presence through the Force. In fact, she can’t feel the Force within her at all. Panic begins to rise within her, threatening to close around her throat like a noose and drown her in a cold sweat.

“Poe,” Rey asks through rapid, shallow breaths, beginning to rattle against her restraints. “Poe, why can’t I feel anything?”

His pacing stops and he throws her a look of mild pity.

“I’m sorry, Rey, really I am,” Poe says sincerely, “but I couldn’t take a chance with you…losing yourself again.”

“Losing myself?” Rey’s voice cracks as icy dread seeps through her veins. What had she done? Had she hurt Poe like she had hurt Finn? Poe’s mouth is drawn in a straight line and he nods only once at her, curtly, his eyes suddenly very tired looking, as if all the sleepless nights and weeks of stress has caught up to him all at the same time. 

“You threatened me, don’t you remember?” Poe asks her wearily, already expecting the somber shaking of her head, her lips quivering as she mouths the word “no.”

“I had to put you in Force-suppressing shackles to keep us all safe,” he continues, resuming his slow tread back and forth across the floor in front of her, his hands now clasped behind his back as she nods in somber agreement. 

“Your eyes…” he murmurs to himself as a visible shiver courses through him.

“I’m so sorry, Poe,” Rey whispers through her tears, and he hears the sincerity in her voice, understands that she truly has no memory of the incident.

“I know you are,” he responds firmly, his jaw set and eyes softer, yet more determined. “And I want to get to get to the bottom of this. Rey, I’m going to need you to answer some questions. Tell me everything you know about why this might be happening to you.”

“Of course,” Rey nods vehemently, eager to reassure Poe and herself of her sanity. Taking a deep breath, Poe starts his interrogation.

“When we first talked about your connection with Ben, you said its inception was complicated. I want you to elaborate on _how_ this all started and why it’s even possible.” He gestured to her restraints as he continued, “we’ve got time.”

Rey swallows hard and takes a deep breath, nodding slowly.

“Ok,” she exhales, preparing herself to try to explain some very confusing and seemingly unlikely time travel.

“As you know, I was sold by my parents on Jakku when I was a young girl. I had to teach myself everything. How to scavenge, how to hide, how to fight and survive. No one was there for me, nobody cared about me. I’d try to establish a connection with others, only to have them steal from me or even try to kill me. It was like that for years, and as a result, I grew strong but untrusting. I was alone in every sense of the word.”

Poe is listening intently to her, his chin resting in one of his hands, his eyes growing softer with each of her words. He truly cannot fathom how hard her childhood must have been, and he acknowledges the fact silently. Taking a moment to clear her throat, Rey steels her nerves for the next bit before continuing.

“And then one day, I fell. It was near sunset and I had been scavenging for parts in a downed starship all afternoon when the rusted gangplank I was standing on gave out. I fell about 50 feet through the innards of the ship before crashing down onto a different gangplank, losing consciousness immediately. When I came to, I realized that I was stuck to the metal. I had been impaled on one of the old railings of the bridge.”

 _“Kriff,”_ Poe breathes in horror. How could she possibly have survived that?

“Still have the scar to prove it,” Rey offers feebly, gesturing with her head to her left side. Poe reaches out a trembling hand to gently lift the edge of her tunic where she had indicated. Sure enough, a white, puckered scar on her abdomen greets him.

“How did you…” Poe starts, stumbling over the words, his mouth opening and closing in shock.

“Survive?” Rey finishes for him, with a huff of a laugh. “I shouldn’t have. I at least knew enough not to pull my body off of the rod, so I used a torch to cut the metal free from its base. I had to crawl back through the sand to my AT-AT. It took me most of the night…” she drifts off here, her misty eyes clearly betraying that she was reliving the worst hours of her life. After taking a few calming breaths, she continues with her story.

“When I finally made it back to my shelter, I used the last of my strength to pull myself into the bed sling, and clutched my Resistance pilot doll that I had made, the same doll that I had returned for after that one training mission, do you remember?”

Poe nods silently, realizing that he had never bothered to ask her what she had wanted badly enough to return to a planet of so much personal suffering for her. He felt ashamed for the lack of interest he had shown his friend over these past several months. With a pang of guilt, he realized that she must have still been feeling alone all this time, even within the Rebellion.

“Well, I held onto that doll for all I was worth, waiting for death. Maybe even wishing for it at times,” Rey admits softly. “And then the sun began to rise, and with it came a shadow at my door. I thought it was death, there to take away the pain finally. I begged for help one last time. I didn’t care anymore if it was help to live or to die.”

Both Poe and Rey are crying now, and the commander pulls a rag from his pocket to dry the tears from Rey’s face. Placing a comforting hand on her shoulder, he squeezes it lightly, reassuringly.

“Take all the time you need, Rey,” he chokes out, wiping his own cheeks with a shrug of his shoulders. Rey nods, her bottom lip trembling as she takes a deep breath in to calm herself.

“The shadow came closer, scooped me up, and I found myself staring into the face of a man whose skin was as pale as a moon, framed by jet black hair,” Rey continues breathlessly, watching the realization dawn on Poe. “He saved me, Poe.”

“How—” Poe stammers, his voice ragged and raw, his eyebrows reaching for his hairline. “How is that possible?”

“Honestly, I’m not entirely sure,” Rey confesses solemnly. “Ben has been doing research on it, trying to understand it himself. As it turns out, Jedi from the past have traveled through time before to alter certain events. We think one of the ways it can be achieved inadvertently is by touching an object with an extremely emotionally charged history. I was shown the past and the future when I was called to Ben’s legacy saber, and when he picked up the doll that I had left behind, he spun around to find me in my bed sling on the verge of death.”

Poe can only stare at her with his jaw slightly unhinged, yet mute. 

“He pulled the rod out of my stomach,” Rey presses on, “and I felt a warm rush of light surge through me. I could feel his hot tears falling on my forehead and how tightly he held me. He was shaking so hard, Poe, rocking me back and forth.”

A loud exhalation escapes Poe as he stretches his arms up to lace his fingers behind his head and resumes his slow pacing, trying to process it all. Poe is a sharp guy, Rey knows, but she’s sure this is a lot to take in.

“I didn’t think Darksiders could heal,” he says quietly.

“It’s not their strength,” Rey confirms. She waits for a beat before elaborating, “He drew from my energy.”

That set off a lightbulb in Poe’s mind. Rey could practically see his eyes brighten with a sort of understanding.

“He transferred some of his energy to you, exposing you to the Dark Side,” the commander says somewhat excitedly, snapping his fingers as the pieces begin to click into place. 

“He exposed me to his powers,” Rey clarifies, refusing to label Ben as solely a Darksider. “There is both dark _and_ light in both of us. There’s good in him, Poe. Please believe me.” 

Her eyes plead with him to believe her, and Poe holds her gaze silently for a long time, saying nothing. Just studying her intently.

“Did you know that he and I knew each other, before he left for Luke’s training?” Poe questioned her suddenly, breaking the silence between them. It’s Rey’s turn to look taken aback, her lips parting slightly and eyebrows drawing together.

“We were buddies even,” Poe continues, almost wistfully. “Some of the trouble we’d get into…” Poe chuckles lightly, shaking his head before the small smile runs away from his face, leaving sorrow in its place. “I miss him sometimes. The Ben that I knew.”

“You mean the scrawny, quiet, pasty kid that could fly circles around you before I was ten?” a deep voice asked from behind them, making both Rey and Poe almost jump out of their skins. Ben was there in the doorway, leaning against the frame casually with his arms crossed, a small smirk on his face. “He was a laserbrain, as you were always so fond of reminding me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking it's time for a smut chapter next, no?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, sorry I dropped off for so long. Life has been absolutely chaotic with our impending move, but we have bought a house up in Alaska! Once we went under contract, I felt so much stress lift off of me that I was able to knock out this chapter in 2 days. Unfortunately, I'm afraid I'll only be able to get one more chapter published before beginning the long drive up there :-/

Both Rey and Poe are still spluttering at the sight of him, Poe in uneasy astonishment, Rey in overwhelming relief. The man is dressed as a shadow and he moves with quiet confidence across the room, his intense gaze never leaving Rey’s face. Just as suddenly as he appeared in the doorway, Ben is now reaching for her, his fingers instinctively twisting in her hair and thumbs gently stroking her cheeks as his eyes softly wander across her features for just a heartbeat before his lips come crashing down on hers. Rey can feel him, fully, for the first time in months. His warmth, his scent, his passion for her envelops Rey all at once and her stomach flutters as her lips tremble under his.

“Release her,” Ben commands in a murmur to Poe, finally having broken the kiss with Rey to allow them both to breathe again. The commander can only stammer in response, still befuddled and becoming indignant.

“I…I don’t think--” he starts, but Ben’s heavy sigh cuts him off.

“You know I can do it myself,” Ben drawls over to him, his hands now caressing Rey’s shoulders and neck. Watching the shivers run through her delights him, and he cocks his head as an idea comes to him. 

“Although, I may have a thing for restraints,” Ben muses, a crooked grin on his face as he thinks back to the time he had first laid eyes on her, strapped helplessly to a chair in front of him. How hard he had had to fight his desire to take her, to claim her as his right then and there. The blush invades Rey’s cheeks immediately, followed by a rush of warmth between her legs. She can’t help but remember that room as well and how she had felt slightly guilty for the immediate attraction and intrigue she felt when he removed his helmet for her. The thought of Ben possessing her so fully now, in this chair and room after everything they had been through together, makes her heart race with excitement, but Poe blanches as he rushes over to get her out of the chair as quickly as possible.

“How did you know where we are?” Poe snaps as he fumbles with the locks holding Rey hostage, shaking both Ben and Rey out of their haze of lust. “And how did you get here so quickly? I thought you were in a containment cell on some black steel abomination of death and oppression on the other side of the galaxy.”

Rey’s wrists are finally free and she winces as she rubs them. Looking on with mild disappointment at her freedom, Ben reluctantly tears himself away from his hopes and fantasies of a bondage situation and finally turns his attention to the leader of the Resistance. Ben considers Poe for a beat before responding, his dark gaze briefly skimming over the frayed and faded uniform before resting on his former friend’s gaunt face and disheveled hair. The man is clearly battle-worn and weary, but the spark is still glowing faintly in his eyes.

“Just because you temporarily stripped Rey of her powers doesn’t mean that I couldn’t feel her at all times,” Ben explains somewhat patiently. “Besides, who do you think gave her the idea to send the Resistance here for protection?”

“I blurted it out before I realized where the thought came from,” Rey quickly interjects, trying to fend off another volley of accusations of treason from her commander. “If after further consideration I had deemed it a threat, I would’ve been in contact with you immediately to recommend a different location. But after thinking it over, I realized that it was a safe bet,” she continues, now glancing warily at Ben, “…at least temporarily.”

“It was and is,” Ben confirms with a nod. “But the First Order is closing in. When the traitor and his little sidekick got me off of that ‘black steel abomination of death and oppression,’ Hux had clearly pinpointed your location to this system. That’s how I got here so quickly; because they’re only a couple dozen parsecs away.” 

Both Rey and Poe pale at this information.

“Finn and Rose helped you escape?” Poe asks Ben suspiciously, still hardly daring to believe much of what was coming out of Ben’s mouth.

“In exchange for valuable information, yes,” Ben responds. Poe crosses his arms and squints his eyes at him.

“What _kind_ of information?” the commander snarks back. Shuffling awkwardly between them, Rey isn’t sure what to expect Ben to say. She is thrilled to learn that her best friends agreed to help free him, but she’s anxious about what made them undertake such a bold move. They must be desperate if they were willing to take such a dangerous chance. Noticing her unease, Ben reaches out for her hand and squeezes it reassuringly.

“I provided them with the manifest marked with every divergent thinking Trooper,” Ben says triumphantly, making both Poe’s and Rey’s jaws drop. Even Poe can’t help the small smile that breaks across his face before releasing a breath that sounds like he’s been holding for weeks. Stretching his arms behind his head, Poe begins to pace the windowless room with excited agitation. 

“How long do we have before Hux finds us, you think?” he asks Ben.

“I would begin evacuations at dawn tomorrow,” Ben answers confidently. Poe checks the time on his wrist before glancing over at Rey. Can he trust her, if he lets her complete a mission he had assigned to her just days ago? Studying her closely, Poe can see that a sense of peace and calm has replaced the fear and suspicion that had governed her just hours before. 

“Then we still have time,” Poe says to her, making up his mind to put his faith in her at least for the moment, with Ben so close by. She nods curtly, pleased with Poe’s restored trust in her, before shyly turning to Ben.

“There’s something I need to take care of,” Rey says to Ben softly, squeezing his hand gently before slipping out of it. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

Ben’s brow furrows as she exits the room and he begins to follow her, but Poe rests a hand on his shoulder to stop him, making Ben freeze in his tracks. When was the last time someone touched him in a friendly manner? Ben can’t help shivering from the contact and Poe removes his hand immediately, sensing Ben’s discomfort.

“I need to speak with you, Ben,” Poe says to him urgently after the door hisses shut behind Rey. Ben cranes his neck around to stare at Poe intensely, his eyebrow raised at Poe’s seemingly sudden ease with the former Kylo Ren. Poe tries not to shrivel under Ben’s silent, piercing gaze. “It’s about Rey.”

Ben presses his mouth into a firm line, returning his attention to the now shut door that she had just walked out of. He knows that she’s been struggling; he felt the wave of darkness not so long ago.

“I know,” Ben finally answers, his voice as deep as his concern. “She’ll be better with me near her though.”

Poe is already nodding in agreement, also now staring at the door. The two men have positioned themselves side by side, arms crossed, staring intensely at a closed door, unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. So many years apart from his friend, so many things that had been left unsaid, so many decisions that had driven them apart. Neither of them knew where to begin or where this all would end.

“So…” Poe begins awkwardly, reaching for something, anything, to say. “You met Rose?”

Ben’s eyes cut sideways over at Poe.

“I did,” he confirms, equally clumsy, though choosing to accept Poe’s less than stellar attempt at conversation. “She reminded me of my mother.”

Poes huffs out a small chuckle at that observation.

“Yeah, she does,” Poe agrees quietly. The men resume their silent staring for a time, before Ben breaks the suffocating quiet.

“So what have you got Rey doing?” Ben asks, genuinely curious. Poe smiles sadly, his eyes beginning to well up.

“You’ll find out tonight,” he finally responds. “I’m excited to see what she does with it.” Ben snaps his head around to Poe, his face scrunched up incredulously.

“I’m pretty sure you’re not invited,” Ben can’t resist saying. Shaking his head and dropping his face into one of his hands, Poe fails at concealing his simultaneous amusement and disgust.

“Still have that Solo sense of humor, I see,” Poe chuckles lightly. Ben only smiles in response. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he’s missed their banter over all these years. The two of them really had had some good times, and Ben wonders if there’s any chance of them ever being friends again one day.

“Some things never die,” Ben says quietly, more to himself than to the man next to him. Poe casts him a somber glance, then turns his eyes to the floor, deep in thought and emotion. For the first time in years, he can feel that Ben is still in there. That Leia’s spark of hope in him wasn’t misguided or truly snuffed out, that it lives on in Rey and now maybe, just maybe, in Poe himself as well. Finally, Poe lets out a long sigh as he turns to face Ben and places a firm hand on his shoulder, refusing to remove it even though he feels Ben initially flinch under his palm. The commander knows that Ben won’t hang around with the Rebels for long and that when he leaves them, Rey will be going with him. She’ll need to go with him. For the sake of not just the Resistance, but for herself as well.

“Take care of her, Ben,” Poe implores, matching Ben’s intense eyes with his own serious gaze. In return, Ben clenches his jaw tightly and nods at his old friend as the understanding passes silently between them. The leader of the Resistance was releasing Rey into Ben’s care and training. Yet another person was choosing to place their trust in him.

“We’ll be in touch and ready to assist when the time comes,” Ben sincerely promises him. With a final clap on the shoulder, Poe turns to open the door and stride out of the room. Ben watches him leave, stays rooted to the spot until he can no longer hear Poe’s clipped footsteps down the empty hallway, and then silently crosses the threshold himself to seek out the light of this once beloved planet of his.

**********

It isn’t long before Rey wraps up her work and follows a gentle tug from within, encouraging her to step outside for a moment’s break. Once the warmth of the afternoon sun hits her skin though, she can no longer stop her feet from ambling down the gentle slope towards the dense forest that encircles the Resistance hideout. Stopping at the edge, the tug becomes stronger and playful. She knows what it is now; it’s Ben calling for her. A small grin flashes across her face as she steps confidently into the thick woods before her, pushing branches out of her way as her strides quicken through the underbrush, sensing that she’s getting closer to him with each passing breath.

Bursting forth from a thicket, Rey suddenly stumbles into a clearing of gently swaying grasses, their ripples from the wind bowing towards a small lake at the center of the meadow. By the edge of the water, a magnificent tree stretches its limbs towards the sky, its boughs full of lush, dark green leaves sprinkled throughout with bright yellow clusters of petals. As the breeze tickles the leaves, Rey can hear their almost melodic response. She traipses towards it, jaw slack and eyes upturned in awe, so consumed by trying to take in every last detail of this incredible tree, that she neglects to notice the ripples in the lake at its bank.

“It’s grown quite a bit since it was planted,” Ben’s deep voice carries to her over the surface of the water. Rey jumps in spite of herself, embarrassed to acknowledge that she had been rather oblivious to his presence as soon as she had laid eyes on the tree.

“You know how old it is?” she questions casually, trying to cover up her initial lack of attention to him. 

“My parents planted it when I was born,” Ben answers, slowly making his way towards shore, but stopping when the water line reaches his waist. Rey swallows hard as she drinks him in, watching the water drip down his marble cut chest and disappearing back into the natural pool that’s only barely covering his lower body. 

_Kriff, why does he have to be so beautiful?_

Her eyes flit over to the pile of his clothes on the bank, noting that there are no garments left unaccounted for, and she chews on the inside of her cheek as she considers what to do next. She’s not the strongest swimmer, after all. Ben watches her quick calculations and smiles at her impishly.

“You’re overdressed,” he comments casually, his eyes scanning down her body slowly as he resumes his progress towards her, sparing her the decision of having to enter the water herself. Rey can’t help but notice that his flaccid cock is still sizeable in spite of the cold water it had just been in. Even though the air is warm and comforting around her, Rey shivers in her dark tunic and leggings.

“Overdressed for what exactly?” she asks breathily as Ben finally comes to a stop in front of her. He’s smiling down at her, his eyes dark with passion.

“To pick up where we left off,” Ben responds, thinking back to their tangled bodies before both Hux and Poe had interrupted them. Rey only blushes slightly at the memory as he reaches for her and begins to gingerly strip away her clothing; first her top and breast band, then the sash around her hips so that her pants fall to her ankles and she steps out of them. She is laid bare to him now as well, her skin darker and less scarred than his own. Rey can see the goosebumps racing over his pale flesh, and she tentatively reaches out a hand to rest on his broad chest. The warmth of her palm against his cold skin makes Ben close his eyes and moan appreciatively.

Suddenly, Ben snakes one strong, wet forearm under her ass, hoisting her up above his rapidly hardening cock so that she can wrap her legs around his waist, relishing in the heat of her pussy pulsing against his stomach. He palms a breast with his other hand, causing her nipple to pucker and Rey to gasp at the chill that runs through her body. Playfully, Rey slaps his hand away and squeezes her thighs while arching her back, trying to keep her warm, dry skin away from his frigid torso. Ben laughs at her half-hearted feeble attempt at escape, and promptly wraps his other arm around her upper back, drawing her body flush with his, making her squeal at the sudden sensation of being overwhelmingly cold. He nuzzles into the crook of her neck and shoulder, leaving icy trails of fiery kisses along her neck up to her ear. Rey huffs out a small laugh, but shivers obligingly in his embrace as he turns them toward the tree she loves, slowly walking until he can reach the trunk for support as he kneels down to the soft earth with her still intertwined with his body. 

Gently laying her down under him, Ben searches her face tenderly, brushing her hair back and looking for any sign of misgivings and uncertainty. He knows that they’ve been intimate before, but that was through the bond, and Ben can’t help but worry that Rey may have second thoughts being so close to his own flesh and blood. Yet he feels only love and devotion from her, and an overwhelming confidence and excitement for their future.

“I want to start on our forever, now,” Ben whispers to her, lightly kissing her forehead, her eyelids, her lips. “Will you join me?”

Rey smiles softly at his reference to the last time they were actually physically together, aboard the Supremacy, when she had had to shatter both of their hearts for the sake of their future. Reaching up to caress the side of his face, she gently strokes away the lines of worry around his eyes as she uses her legs to pull his hips further into hers, until the tip of his hard cock begins to slip inside her, finally making their two bodies into one.

“Yes, Ben,” Rey promises him, wrapping her arms around his neck as he rocks into her. “Yes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know that I promised a smut chapter and this wasn't exactly that hot. I felt that their first time truly together should be more tender and private though, haha!


	18. Chapter 18

Water streams across Ben’s hunched back and shoulders, pelting him hotly with dozens of continuous drops. His black hair is plastered wildly across his forehead and temples, his full lips slightly parted and sucking in shallow breaths of steamy air. The indoor rain shower is a luxury he hasn’t felt in ages and he relishes in the sensation, closing his eyes to focus on the beads rolling off his body and shattering at his feet. It seems like he’s lived his entire life feeling cold, but now the heat is stifling in the most delicious way.

_So much warmth,_ he thinks as he turns his face up towards the shower, allowing the edge of the water to just graze past his face and down his chest, trickling to the point where their bodies are connected. Groaning, Ben tightens his grip on Rey’s hips and slams her hot pussy back onto his throbbing cock over and over, feeling her sticky juices mix with the slick waters as they splash up onto his stomach. Bent over at the waist, Rey’s fingers are desperately grasping for purchase on the slick wall in front of them, her tits bouncing with each frenzied thrust. Looking back down, his eyes tracing the curves of her waist and ass, Ben memorizes the sight of his taut shaft burying itself into her tight cunt again and again. It’s a memory he knows he’ll pleasure himself to many times in the future.

_So much pleasure,_ he thinks deliriously as Rey cries out rhythmically beneath him with each thrust. Now that they can share their real flesh, Ben has noticed that he’s especially attuned to what Rey is feeling when they have sex, allowing him to anticipate and appease her needs. Reading her body now, he slips a hand between her legs and begins to stroke her clit. Her knees tremble in response and Ben swiftly positions his other arm up her torso and between her breasts to support her, pulling her back up towards his heaving chest. He can sense that she’s close, can practically feel the pit of her stomach coiling up in anticipation as if it were his own. Once he knows that she’s teetering on the edge of release though, he abruptly stops his thrusting and stroking, his hand and dick giving Rey only their phantom heat.

“What are you doing?” Rey gasps in confusion, the pulsations between her legs ebbing as she grits her teeth in frustration.

“I once told you that I would make you beg for mercy,” Ben says behind her, his voice deep and gravelly as he moves his hands back to grasping her hips. Rey shudders as she remembers the promise; it was the first time they had become intimate in any way, before they even knew what their connection was capable of. The familiar heat of embarrassed desire snakes through her now, and she’s thankful that Ben can’t see her blush. 

Rey tries to push herself back onto his cock in response, but he moves backwards with her, preventing her from bottoming out on him. Huffing, she puts her own hand between her legs and begins the familiar circling, but Ben grabs her wrist and pins it with her other hand against the wall in front of them. Suddenly, she feels a sharp smack on her ass and she cries out, startled.

“Ben!” Rey hisses at him as he leans in to nip at her neck. His palm is slowly tracing its way now from her rear to her breast, and Rey shivers in excited nervousness. She’s finding that she likes this game.

“I told you to beg,” he rasps in her ear, tweaking her hardened nipple so that she winces slightly. _What is he playing at,_ she wonders. Without warning, Ben buries himself deep within her, forcing a guttural scream to escape Rey that almost covers his command. 

“So be a good girl, and beg,” he orders as he brings his open palm back down on her ass, making Rey release another shocked whimper. Rey smiles to herself a split second later though, as she realizes that she’s figured out how to beat him at his own game. Slowly, with trembling fingers, Rey guides Ben’s hand back down to her clit. As she expects, he resists her slightly at first, clearly enjoying the amount of control he has over her ability to orgasm.

“Please touch me, Master,” Rey pleads breathily as she encourages his own fingers to stroke her just the way she needs. She hears the breath leave his lungs at the sound of what could have been his title to her, had he not chosen instead to name her as his equal. 

_“Kriff,”_ Ben mutters into the crook of her neck, his fingers suddenly becoming far more compliant, his hips returning to their rhythm inside of her. They both know that she’s defeated him yet again, and they both know that he doesn’t care. Ben throws himself all in to their lovemaking, thrusting his cock deep into her hot pussy, his fingers slipping all over her soaked clit as she throws her head back in a victorious scream, her entire body shaking with the force of her orgasm.

“Oh, Master…yes!” Rey cries out, the now cool water from the shower streaming down her face as Ben sinks his teeth into her shoulder, attempting to muffle the groans of his own release. 

“You cheated,” Ben finally says to her flatly, the ripples of their orgasms finally having run their course. Rey giggles as she turns around to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss.

“I’ll call you ‘Master’ whenever you want, you know,” she says coyly to him, hoping he’ll take her up on it. She rather likes the way it sounds, not to mention the effect that it apparently has on him. Ben chuckles at her obvious ulterior motive.

“We’d never get anything done and you know it,” he responds, giving her a lingering kiss on the forehead. “Speaking of which, weren’t we taking a shower for a reason?”

“Oh no!” Rey gasps, suddenly remembering that they had to hurry. With a flurry of frantic hand waving, she ushers him out of the shower stall. “Go on, get out! Shoo!” 

Ben practically falls out onto the bathroom floor, bemusedly watching Rey quickly wash away the evidence of their tryst as he towels off slowly. Rey throws him an impatient glance.

“Go make yourself useful or something,” she huffs, wrapping her hair in a towel. Ben raises a quizzical eyebrow at her in silent response, yet refuses to budge. Rolling her eyes, Rey sighs heavily. 

“The bed is a mess…why don’t you go fix that?” Rey suggests after a moment, realizing that he has no intention to leave of his own accord. 

“You want me to go make up your bed?” Ben asks her incredulously.

“ _Our_ bed,” Rey corrects, and Ben can’t help but smile broadly at that. The thought of them being a couple and sharing a life and possessions overwhelms him with joy. He can see by the twinkle in her eye that Rey feels the same.

“Of course, sweetheart,” he responds as he leans over to kiss her forehead, slipping his fingers through hers to give them a quick squeeze. “Take all the time you need in here for…whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Thank you,” Rey says meekly, watching him saunter out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. As soon as the door is shut, she turns to look at herself in the mirror, planning out how to do her hair and makeup. She has very little experience with such things and fervently wishes that she had some form of guidance on the matter. 

Sighing, she turns to open the closet and runs her hand along a few of her options. The materials range from cool silk to soft velvet and the colors span that of a rainbow. The one thing they have in common is their length; all of them skim the floor, and Rey worries about how to walk properly in them. She wasn’t exactly a dress person.

Finally, her fingers land on one that makes her heart skip a beat, one that already feels like the perfect fit for her. She takes it off the rack and marvels at it, turning back towards the mirror and holding it against her body so that she can see how the color complements her complexion. Swallowing hard, she admits to herself that this dress will be a wonderful match not just for her features, but for her personality as well. Somewhat intuitively, Rey knows what hairstyle would look best and just how to paint her face to enhance her eyes and lips. Taking a deep breath, she sets to work, awkwardly fiddling with her damp tresses and pondering her limited footwear choices.

***

The bed is made with tight precision, the strewn items on the floor picked up and put away, the table cleared of trash, and Rey was still not done in the bathroom. Ben sighs quietly with his hands clasped behind him, thinking back to the few times he saw his parents getting ready for an event. Han would naturally be done within minutes, while Leia would take hours, leaving Han to mutter and pace the floor in front of his son. However, his mother would always emerge beautiful and elegant, holding herself with the natural air of regal dignity that suited her, and his father sulked about and shuffled both awkwardly and proudly in her presence. Everything seems so long ago now, each a painful memory that Ben so wishes he could love without guilt.

A coppery glint catches his eye and dispels the impending anxiety he’s become accustomed to over the years. Underneath the corner of Rey’s headboard is the hilt of her lightsaber. Ben tiptoes over to it, picking the weapon up as gently as he can so that he can study its craftsmanship again. It’s exquisite, and he finds himself slightly envious of not only its quality and beauty, but also of the fact that it even exists. Ben had been forced to leave behind his own lightsaber when Finn and Rose had helped him escape; there hadn’t been time to retrieve it from Hux’s hiding place. Without it, Ben can’t help but feel slightly vulnerable, and somewhat incomplete. His thumb hovers over the ignition, trembling with desire to feel the power of Rey’s blade course through his hand.

“Don’t you dare,” Rey warns him sharply, the fresher door finally whooshing open so suddenly that Ben startles and fumbles the hilt, but recovers it before letting it fall completely to the ground. The bright lights in the bathroom behind Rey are messing with Ben’s vision, and at first he can only make out her silhouette, with her hands on her hips and head cocked to the side. After a couple of seconds, she steps further into the room and Ben’s jaw drops unceremoniously as he can finally see her more clearly. The former scavenger is absolutely stunning; Ben can only blink and stare dumbly at her. He already knew that she was beautiful, but now…she was breathtaking.

“Leia left me her mother’s dresses,” Rey says sheepishly as way of an explanation for her appearance. The one she is wearing was Rey’s favorite from the extensive collection. It is a deep olive color, of sumptuous velvety material that exposes her shoulders and gently hugs her waist and hips before falling loosely to the ground. In addition to being Rey’s favorite color, the best part of the dress is that it has long sleeves. That little touch helps Rey feel more like her old scavenger self and less like an imposter of elegance.

“She had wanted to pass them on to a granddaughter,” Rey continues quietly, sharing a shy smile with Ben. He tries to smile back, but finds that only his chin can quiver in response. His mother really had kept her spark of hope alive for him even after everything he had put her through.

“It suits you,” he says deeply, his eyes finally finding and holding hers. His breath catches at how the dress brings out the flecks of green in her eyes, which are also rimmed with full lashes and some kind of deep gold powder. Her chin is held high and jaw set confidently, and Ben notices that her hair has been swept into an elegant braided updo, adding polish to her already commanding presence. In this moment, Rey is both grace and strength personified, and Ben finally understands how his father had felt all those years ago in Leia’s presence.

“It’s your mother’s memorial tonight,” Rey whispers to him, slipping her hands into his. She feels his fingers tense between hers immediately, hears him swallow. His eyes begin to flicker all over her face, not sure where to land anymore, but hers hold steady on his. 

“Please go with me, Ben,” she implores, watching as the conflicted emotions chase themselves across his face. 

Still holding her hands, Ben begins to back slowly toward their bed, sinking into its edge as he finally allows his tear-filled eyes to return to hers. There is intense pain shared between their gaze, longing and hope, regret and the need to make things right.

“I would be honored to accompany you, Rey,” Ben responds with a solemn nod after a few moments of reflection. He smiles up at her, trying to ease the tension and sorrow in the air, before gesturing to his crumpled black tunic. “But I obviously can’t go like this.” 

“No,” Rey concedes, chuckling softly in agreement. “I thought you’d go… _with_ me.”

Ben catches her drift and raises his eyebrows in mild surprise.

“Are you sure you want to try that for the first time tonight?” he questions, not because he doubts the strength of her abilities, but because he’s worried about the fortitude of their emotional states.

“I don’t think we have much of an option,” Rey points out with a small shrug of her shoulder. “Poe may be tolerating you, but the rest of Rebellion certainly won’t.”

“Mmm,” Ben hums in agreement.

“Besides,” Rey continues, an impish smile on her face. “If you can do it, I can certainly do it better.”

Ben rolls his eyes, refusing to deny or concur with her point. He has no doubt that she can perform a Force meld, and he has to admit that he loves her playfully competitive side. Rey gently untangles her fingers from his so that she can bring her palms to the sides of his head, caressing the soft black hair that crowns him, and Ben wraps his hands lightly around her wrists. Nodding up to her as she smiles back down at him, Rey finally brings her forehead to his and they close their eyes, breathing in unison. Feeling for the threads of his darkness and brightness, she grasps their ends and gently tugs them into her mind, intertwining them with her own fibers of light and shadow, until she is weaving a tapestry of soothing gray. She wraps it around her soul and sighs as she feels their work embrace her from within. How whole she feels, how absolutely complete.

Rey opens her eyes and looks down at the man sitting before her. His eyes remain closed, his brow lightly furrowed and breathing steady. Slowly, cautiously, Rey removes her hands from his hair and watches for any change in his posture. There is none, and while Rey is confident that the meld worked, she can’t help but feel a bit confused. What part of Ben exactly is inside of her? His spirit? His Force signature?

_I wouldn’t think about it too hard,_ comes a voice booming between her ears, causing Rey to startle. _You’ll hurt our head otherwise._

“This is really weird,” Rey can’t keep herself from blurting out and she can feel a disembodied chuckle from within her, which she finds particularly unnerving. 

_Just think about how I feel,_ Ben responds. _The former Supreme Leader of the galaxy is wearing a dress, and I’m not even sure it’s my color._

Rey breaks out into a full-bodied laugh at that and she feels Ben glow at his accomplishment. Her laugh is not just music to his ears, it’s a balm for his soul.

_You can’t be making me laugh like that,_ Rey thinks finally, getting the hang of communicating through thoughts alone. _People will think I’m a lunatic._

_We both needed it though,_ Ben presses gently into her mind and Rey agrees with him. She takes a deep breath.

_Are we ready?_ Rey asks, but she doesn’t need his answer. She strides confidently for the door.

_Rey?_ She hears so quietly in her head that she isn’t even sure there was any thought there. Rey pauses by the console anyway, straining to listen for his inner voice again. _Thank you,_ it whispers. Smiling softly, she opens the door and walks out into the hallway, guiding them towards his mother’s memorial.

They’re only rounding the second corner when they practically crash into a somber Poe. He’s wearing a crisp dark linen jacket over an ivory Henley and tailored black trousers, his face freshly shaven but his eyes red-rimmed. Rey’s instinct is to run into his arms, while Ben’s is to keep a safe distance. The two Jedi end up locked in a stalemate and stay rooted to the spot. Poe doesn’t hesitate though to draw Rey into a hug, and Rey squeezes him back much harder than she intends, causing Poe to wince in her embrace.

“Well, I was going to ask about where Ben was,” Poe comments, sucking air back into his lungs, “but I think I have some idea now.”

Rey gives him a tight lipped smile.

_You need to behave, Ben,_ Rey spits at him.

_So does he._

“I’m sorry, he can be a bit difficult to handle at times,” Rey quips, elbowing Ben in her mind. Poe raises his eyebrows knowingly as he nods in agreement.

“You look really, really amazing, Rey,” Poe comments genuinely, looking her up and down, before quickly holding his hands up in self defense. “Please don’t hit me.” 

_He’s on thin ice…_ Ben warns.

_Oh, grow up,_ Rey shoots back.

“Thanks, Poe,” Rey replies, flashing him a quick smile. “You look very nice, too,” she manages to grit out despite Ben’s efforts to stop her.

Poe smiles back at her and offers Rey his arm. “Shall we?”

_Don’t you dare._

_Don’t make me send you back to our room._

The Resistance leader notices how stiff and uncomfortable Rey appears. He cocks a smile at her and leans in, amusedly observing how her body jerks away from his.

“I wouldn’t offer you my arm if I didn’t know Ben was in there,” Poe says mischievously. “I’m just trying to rile him up for old time’s sake.”

_Kriffin’ nerf-herder…_

“It’s working,” Rey concedes through gritted teeth. “And I’d really appreciate it if you two could cut it out for now and stop using me as a middle man.”

Poe shrugs and backs out of her space.

“Fair enough,” he replies and they turn towards a large double door at the end of the long corridor, quickly falling into step with each other for the short walk. They all come to a stuttering halt after they push through into the open air on the other side. It’s dark outside and the night is crisp, but also filled with warmth and sweetness. She can feel Ben’s surprise emanating from within her, hear the audible gasp of Poe beside her.

“Wow,” Poe breathes, taking it all in. “This is just perfect, Rey.” She blushes at both of the men’s awe.

_You did this?_

She nods almost imperceptibly. Before them is a clearing of balmgrass littered with hundreds of fragrant flowers that encircle a large round, stone stage, upon the center of which is a stack of logs. Just a couple of feet above their heads, dozens upon dozens of candles float in the sky. Poe finally steps forward and picks up a bloom. Rey follows suit and stoops to retrieve another, pressing her nose into its center to breathe in its scent. Recognition flashes through her.

_These were her favorite flowers…_

_I know,_ and Rey lets Ben see his own memory from her mind, of a young ebony-haired boy, his arms overflowing with the purple petals, running through a field of soft grass to his smiling mother who was waiting to sweep him up in her embrace. 

Rey feels herself choke up and hangs her head, letting a tear fall onto her own flower. Ben wants to hold her so badly, to run back to the room and curl his body around hers until their pain melts away, but he has to settle instead for simply pushing as much of his warmth as he can into her mind. Poe puts his arm around Rey and presses his head against hers, and while Ben initially tenses up, he resists the urge to fight him off. Between the two of them, Rey feels comforted and cared for, and that’s all that matters to Ben at the moment.

Slowly, the rest of the Resistance members file into the courtyard, bending to pick up a flower and moving to position themselves in a circle around the stone platform. Before long, the area is packed with Rebels and Ben can’t help but feel conflicted, surrounded by his once sworn enemies that obviously respected and loved his mother, here to honor her memory. It was difficult to wish death upon them at this moment.

After everyone is assembled, Poe and Rey make their way to the podium of stone and step up onto it. Looking out onto the hundreds of sorrowful faces cast in the flickering candlelight, Rey is thankful that she won’t be the one to give the eulogy. Her own pain is hard enough to bear, much less coupled with the increasingly crushing anguish of Ben. She bites her lip in an attempt to maintain her composure in front of the Resistance. With a lingering look at Rey and squeeze of her shoulder, Poe finally breaks away from her and steps forward, clearing his throat in preparation to address the Rebels.

“Our General would not have wanted us to make a big fuss over her death. She would’ve wanted us to keep it short and sweet, yet powerful and beautiful, just like her,” Poe begins, his voice only slightly shaking. “She lived a large life, under an even larger shadow. Leia was many things. Princess, general, politician, sister, and wife. But most of all, she was a mother.”

The Resistance leader’s words break off and he has to take a second to recompose himself. Rey can feel Ben stiffen in her mind. Should she be worried, she wonders? Poe sniffs and takes a deep breath before continuing. 

“She was a mother not just to one person, but to many. And not just to people, but to ideas and principles. She made more sacrifices and lost more people she loved than any person should ever have to endure in a lifetime, yet she carried on. She never gave up, she never gave in. She carried the spark of hope both within her and ignited our own within us.”

Poe stops and hides his face in one of his hands. Sobs can be heard throughout the congregation. Without entirely realizing she’s doing it, Rey steps forward and reaches up to retrieve a candle floating above her head. The Resistance follows suit, plucking the soft lights out of the night sky under a tapestry of twinkling stars.

“To our mother,” she says powerfully, her voice easily projecting across the crowd. “May her light never go out.”

Rey turns to drop her candle into the pyre, and Poe gently tosses his in as well. Watching the flames mingle and grow, Rey can feel Ben simultaneously breaking and healing. 

“I love you, too, Mom. And I’m also so sorry, for everything. May the Force be with you. Always,” Rey whispers. Poe throws her a compassionate glance that she avoids. One by one, the Rebels add their flames to the growing fire, until the fingers of light effectively attack and drive back the darkness above them. They all stand around the fire now, basking in the warm strength of Leia’s memory, of her legacy, soaking in her eternal fountain of hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It has been a wild couple of months in my neck of the woods! We closed on a house up in Alaska and fixed up/staged/sold our house in Oklahoma. We'll be hitting the road in a couple of weeks, so unfortunately, it'll be a couple of months before I can get another chapter written. Sorry if this one isn't that awesome...my mind has been quite preoccupied.


End file.
